What entitlements do adoptees have once their adoptions are finalized?

life is like the ocean

I think adoptees are entitled to full cooperation from both sets of parents for life. This is achieved by putting the needs of the child first and foremost.

It starts with.....before an adoption is finalized, the AP's need to make sure that the adoptee is not a replacement child for the one they could not have. An adoptee is entitled to be who she or he is, and not the ghost of another child. Infertility issues should have been dealt with before the placement.

After finalization, AP's need to treat natural parents in an honorable manner in front of their child, when you demean natural parents, you demean the adoptee. They need to be open about the adoption. No secrets, no lies.

AP's need to keep the doors and communication open to the natural parents if at all possible, so adoptees have an ongoing knowledge of where they came from and who they are. AP's need to understand that it is a primal need for adoptees to know this, and never go down the path that the adoptee is "ungrateful" for needing this.

Natural parents also need to keep the lines of communication open if at all possible, and do so in a respectful manner. Minimizing the role of AP's is not going to serve any purpose, it will just build walls.

Natural parents need to be available for their children, to answer questions, to fill in the blanks, and to have a relationship if the adoptee desires. They need to allow the adult adoptee to set the pace of reunions, and contact, until there is an established relationship, and it is mutually agreed upon.

Natural parents need to keep their grief issues to themselves. Sure, it is acceptable to show that we care enough to feel loss, but it is not up to the adoptee to "fix" anything.

Both AP's and natural parents need to let adult adoptees build relationships on their own. Parents should never be in competition, or make an adoptee feel like she can't love all of his/her parents.

Both sets of parents need to be activists for unsealed records, a basic civil right.

Carol c

I agree that adoptees are entitled to the truth of their origins and to their medical history.

Both first and adoptive parents should care enough to make sure that is available.

kateiskate

I second Jennifer L's answer. I also think we should have the right to want to know our natural families without feeling guilt for "betraying" our adoptive families.

SVUfan

As a fellow adoptee I think we are entitled to information about our birth parents, whether it be through an semi/open adoption or through our adopted parents gathering information throughout the adoption process. When I adopt I'll try hard for it to be an open adoption or get information about the birth parents so I can tell my son/daughter about her first parents when she gets old enough.

SJM

Adoptees have the right to be recognized as a person--the same person--from the first day of our lives to the last. No one has the right to wipe out our pre-adoptive self. Our first parents do not have that right. Our adoptive parents do not have that right, and the government does not have the authority. No one's 'privacy' trumps our right to be recognized as a person. No one's need to 'parent' trumps our right to own our own history. We have the right to be recognized as full and equal human beings instead of being relegated to the legal standing of a pet.

Adoptees are entitled to retain each and every aspect of our self.

Sophie

The same as every other child in the world.

Jennifer L

The right to the truth.

lost2day

My stepson was adopted at 7.I bet he`d like to know who his only bio brothers are. Apparently it`s illegal for him or any of his father`s family to get in touch with each other. He`s only 14...Sad, but this is his reality. He`ll have to wait until his 18th birthday.

RPMR

As a parent in general I (who decided to adopt 1 child and conceive another 1) have the obligation to respect, guide, protect, and above all, love my children (which is not so much of an obligation but more natural). I will always be there for them helping them with what they need to become fulfilled human beings. I will always be truthfull with them. And if that means that my adoptive son wants to look for his biological mother, I will support my little one, when he is older and more mature because his bio family has an extensive drug-jail history. For now I'll just make sure they have a happy childhood. As for his bio mom, I don't really know... RIGHT NOW there's absolutely nothing she can give him . In the future maybe....

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