What happens if you gave your baby up for adoption..?

Camira B

I am so sorry to hear this. I really wish agencies did more education in terms of the grief that relinquishment brings both for the natural mother and the adoptee.

That being said, the adoption is surely finalized and generally the law states that after one year after being finalized, the adoption decree may not be challenged on any grounds. I personally do not condone taking a child back after such a long time period. Three years is pretty long time, assuming no prior litigation has taken place on this matter.

I do think it would be fair for her to get visitation. As mentioned by a prior poster, she should sit down with someone from the agency and the APs and tell them honestly how she feels. If they are reluctant to agree, she might try mentioning that it would be in the child's best interest. A child deserves to know ALL of his or her family and will probably grow up more well adjusted if he or she does. If possible, have her talk to some of the adoptees here. I don't think there is a child out there that when older would not resent the fact that their "mother" and "father" kept them from knowing all of their family.

I hope everything works out for the best.

Jennifer L

After three years, the adoption has been finalized. She can't get the child back from the adoptive parents. Think about it. This child is 3 years old. The child's "Mommy and Daddy" are the people who have been caring for him/her for the child's entire life.

That said, there's nothing to say that she couldn't be a part of the child's life, in a more personal capacity than she is currently. She should sit down with the adoptive parents, perhaps through a mediator, like the adoption agency or a social worker. She can ask for some visitations and hopefully she, and the adoptive parents, can come to an agreement where everyone is comfortable.

Visitation can happen in open adoptions, but it's very important that your friend understands and recognizes proper boundaries and respects the adoptive parents.

Depending on the state, open adoption agreements are not legally enforcable.

Julianna G (Duck with a gun)

No, once she has signed over her rights, it is final. The only way to take the baby from the adoptive parents would be if the law had been broken somehow with the adoption--like if the father was known and wasn't allowed to contest the adoption. It's really hard to give up a child, and I don't envy her the guilt and regret, but her baby is in a loving family and should not be taken away from them. If she really loves him, she'll just let things be how they are, and hopefully she can remain close enough to the family that she can be part of his life in another capacity.

mommy2squee

Once and adoption is final, it is forever, unless she can prove fraud or duress. Those things are almost impossible to prove.

Yes, the adoptive parents can close the adoption, for any or no reason, except in a very few states.

Open adoption is not any one thing.. it depends on what her child's parents agreed to when she placed the baby with them. It can be as little as pictures and letters, exchanged through the agency, or as much as frequent visitation.

I'm glad you care enough about your friend to start researching this.

Melissa B

It depends on the laws in your state, mostly. But across the board once you place a child for adoption, you cannot get him or her back. It doesn't matter how old the child is or how long ago the adoption was, or how old you were when you placed.

In most cases the terms of open adoption are agreed upon by the two parties (birth parent(s) and adoptive parent(s)) without intervention of the sate. So how much your friend sees her child really is dependent upon the agreement she made with the adoptive parents about how open the adoption will be, and what the adoptive parents are willing to allow. If she'd like to see her child, she should take it up with the adoptive parents.

snowwillow20

No, it's been too long, the adoption is final.
AP's can close an open adoption whenever they want. I hate to say this, but she should be happy with what she has and hope that they keep the adoption open. She would have to ask the AP's if they will allow her to see him, it's up to them. Your friend doesn't have any rights. She signed them away.
I am a birthmom who had a closed adoption, but I found her when she was 30 years old.

Mark B

wow this is a interesting question...

I think that once the contract is signed and excepted by the courts or what ever the department is that deals with it all and all the waiting times are over with then your friend has no chance really of getting the child back and really unless their is a issue with the adoptive parents with the way the child is being treated, then it would be really hard on them if that was to try and take the child back IMHO
good luck with it all

sk8ermom

She cannot get the child back but I have a question on this "open" adoption of hers. Has she never seen the baby since the birth? Does she know where the baby lives? Do they talk on the phone? If she is only getting pictures once in awhile than that is not an open adoption. That is what is called semi open. That is where a mom gets to pick the family and maybe meet them durring the pregnacy or birth but doesn't know where they live or sometimes even their last name. They get pictures and letters but do not visit the child.
An open adoption can have visits, phone calls, Emails and exchanges of information. If she does not have an open adoption arrangement then I wouldn't expect a visit now. If she has a way to communicate through an agency to the adoptive parents, it doesn't hurt to ask.
Yes, in almost every state, the adoptive parents can close the adoption at any time and for any reason. Promise papers that are signed through an agency are not worth the paper they are writen on. Courts will not force visits with someone who is legally a stranger to the child. It is very expensive to persue visitation in court and rare to win as only a couple states recognize open adoption agreements.
That all being said though, there are a lot of great adoptive parents and often semi open adoptions become more open after the adoptive parents have time to feel secure. It never hurts to ask for a little more, she might be surprised.

Good luck too her. I hope she gets all she needs.

IDK!!

How long are we talkin'?

Is the adoption final yet?

Private or agency adoption?

Yes, in most cases the can "close" the adoption. If they love their child they wouldn't. If parenting is no longer an option becuase of the amount of time that has pased, then she needs to let the APs know that she wants to be the in his life. Kids can't have too much love.

YA Sucks

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on which side of the adoption you're on) it is nearly impossible to undo an adoption that has been finalized by the court. Only in cases where an adoption agency has committed fraud is there any possibility of undoing an adoption. Also, open or closed, the adoptive parents are the only ones who can decide about contact with the birthparents, at least until the child is an adult.

Your friend gave up her parental rights. All she can hope for now is that the child wants to meet her someday and the adoptive parents permit it.

twilightluvrâ™¥

thats a really sad story...i honestly dont know but im really sorry shes in my thoughts

Concerned Family!

I gave a son up for adoption 18 mths ago, and of course I always feel like I could take him back and raise him now....but is that really fair to the adoptive parents and the baby? I have two older children as well and they know what I did and why..But I had my reasons she had hers.....

She sees pictures of him and she knows he is loved right? Well, she really needs to see a councilor and try to move on with her life, she will never forget him but come on.. think of the baby and how he would feel if she did try to take him back!!
If being in contact with or seeing pictures upsets her maybe she should stop the contact for a while??
Just a thought- I think it takes more courage to make sure your baby is taken care of and loved, then it does to keep it and struggle wondering the rest of your life if it was right to keep it! She really needs to seek counseling!

cmc

It would be up to the adoptive parents to decide if they are okay with her visiting the child. Some states have contracts on what "open" means, but there is nothing predefined about it. For some people it is just yearly updates and photos, for others it is weekly visits. I would suggest your friend tell the a-parents she wants more contact. In most states the parents can stop contact if they want to - I don't think there is anything enforceable to keep it open. However if everyone wants the best interests of the child, I would think they might be open to visits. There is no way for your daughter to get the child back, but it would be nice for the child if she could establish some kind of relationship.

Emily C

I had a daughter last year that I placed for adoption. It was finalized in December. The only time I saw her past when I was in the hospital was in October when she was 2 months old, her parents brought her to my house to meet her biological dad (he was unable to be present during her birth). Since then, I only recieve pictures & letters from them. You have to understand that since the adoption is finalized by now, you can't reverse it. That would be unfair to the child. It's been raised by another family & is used to it's lifestyle. It's also unfair to the adoptive parents because they've become used to this child & consider it their own now. It's normal to have feelings of regret, and wonder "what if" in these situations. But it would be unfair to expect the child back. As far as seeing him, that would be up to the parents. If they want to be so kind as to let her (which they don't technically have to. once the adoption's finalized, you've signed over all legal right to the child & they have the final say), that would be their personal decision. Understand, most parents aren't comfortable with this idea & probably won't do it. But it never hurts to ask. Be sure to approach it with GREAT care, you don't want to offend them... or scare them into thinking you're going to "steal their baby". I feel for your friend, what she did takes a lot of courage & it's something you never completely get over. But the child is (I'm assuming here) in a wonderful home with a great family that is taking good care of him. My heart is with you both. And what a great friend she has in you, to be so concerned for her. God bless you both. And good luck to your friend.

twinsister1111

We were going to adopt a little boy (before we adopted my brother and sister) and we met him once and were preparing to adopt him, but then the mother wanted him back. This was before the whole process took place. After papers are signed, the baby can't be taken back. It would crush the adoptive parents. Can you imagine what it would be like to finally recieve the baby that you've been yearing for, have them for a year or so, and then have to get him or her back?

While I'm very sorry for your friend, an open adoption should allow meetings and photos. My sister's birthmother calls us, meets us, and gets photos of my sister, but its best that she can never take her back. Not only would it be absolutely devastating to my family, but she just can't support my sister like my family can. If your friend really loves her child, she woul decide whats best for him or her.

sweet kacey

i am 29 and i was adopted by a wonderful woman. I hated when my birth person came back to see me. I have no need to see or hear from her. She made the chose to give me up and so did your friend. Yes she had her baby but he does not have to consider her anything to him. she should wait until he is older and let him choose. This is his life not hers.

dontknow86

OK, She cant get him back now. No the parents can NOT close it, That was part of the deal. If they had in the deal for her to see him, then yes she can. I gave my baby up and now I talk to her ! Its wonderful !

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