What if you say you don't want anything?

Lori A

that does narrow things a bit. But it's nothing that can't be remedied by another email to see if he might want to get to know you. I would flat out ask and be done with it.

Allygirl

Honestly, it would depend on the way you said it (i.e. with a smile, laughing, serious, etc.) and the context clues. It could definitely be perceived as a insult or it could be a funny, happy way of saying "you don't need to bother with me, I'm too much trouble". It really depends.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

If my sibling told me that, I would think he didn't want anything other than to tell me he is alive and then be on his way.

Is that what you meant?? Just curious.

Carol c

I believe it's cruel to search for someone, find them and then start setting all kinds of limitations. Once we move into someones life that way; it's not just up to us to define the relationship. Everyone involved should be able to participate in negotiating what kind of relationship it should be.

By saying what you did to your brothers, it implies that their feelings about meeting their sister are unimportant, even if that wasn't your intent. I just don't understand why you would just want them to know you exist. I would certainly have my guard up if someone said that to me.

I think it might have been more sensitive to say "I'm not sure what I'd like out of our reunion, but I'd like to get to know you and see how it goes".

LuAnne L

i would feel like you had no intention on getting to know me or being involved in my life in any way. i would think you just wanted to say Hi and never see me agian.

kitta

yes, I would take you at your word. When bio-family are told by searching adopted people that all that is wanted is medical history, or one meeting so that we know you exist and that you are okay..we can only assume that you mean what you say.

I would assume that you don't want anything further.

23 year old texas female married

If my little brother told me that I would feel like he didn't want a relationship with me. I have never meant him. I have talked on the phone with him twice. He is my half brother from my father. My dad talks about leaving him out of his will because he doesn't like the little boy's aunt. His mother is mentally disabled and isn't raising him.

I am indifferent about him. I don't know how I feel about him. He does look a lot like us. But I am not sure he wants a relationship with us or if his aunt he calls her mom just put him up to meeting my dad to get the back due child support. I was told by my father that the little boy's "mom" told him that his father wanted nothing to do. So when his mother put him with his Aunt my father was never consulted.

My father started the process to get custody but he wouldn't win because he has on his police record that he molested me. So he screwed himself. Oh well.

Honestly if you were my brother and told me that I would assume that meant you didn't care to know that you were a uncle or care about me or my kids. I would feel a little hurt but I would understand. You would be blood and have a place to stay if you needed but I would give you the space you wanted.

Cambria

I would feel like you are sort of bitter and that there are some issues. I mean, it is rare that a person goes through the trouble to set up a reunion scenario with a person solely so that they know they exist.

It would appear to me like you have some issues to work out and are doing so in a passive aggressive way.

That is just my honest opinion of how that statement appears to me. I think I know what you were trying to say and what you meant to get across, but honestly, that is what I would think if I were your sibling and you said that to me.

Philippa

If my son had told me he didn't want to know and/or only wanted information then I would have respected his wishes. The same if I had told him the same I would have expected him to respect my wishes. It would have hurt if he had told me that straight away but if he chose to 'walk away' now I would be thankful to have had the chance to get to know him.

Yarr

If I didn't know you existed then you suddenly showed up and told me you wanted me to know you existed I'd say "okay, I know you exist" and go about my life.

kidmindi

I found my brother in late December. I found him on myspace. In the first e mail, I told him that I had been looking for him for a long time and that if he didnt want a relationship with me, all he had to do was say so and I'd back off. However if he did want a sister, e mail or call me.

He called me and we have talked on the phone since and are planning a face to face reunion in the next few months.

Perhaps you can tell them something similar. Let them know you are unsure of how to procede. Tell them if they want a relationship, here is your contact info, if not tell them to let you know and you will back off.

Then give them time to think it over and decide what to do. I am sure it is a shock to hear you have a sibling you didn't know about. (my bro knew abt me and my finding him was still a shock)

Good Luck

snowwillow20

Yes, I would feel that you didn't want a relationship.

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