What in the world is wrong with wanting children?

Jay

Sounds like someone has been rude to you. That person is sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong.

There's nothing wrong with wanting children. That said, some people SHOULDN'T have children. For example, there a 16 year old here that's about to give birth and is already planning on having another child as soon as she can.

Or someone that can't or won't care for the child.

But I don't think that's your situation. I suspect that someone might be trying (poorly) to convince you that there is life without children... as a way to make you feel better about (what I assume) your inability to have children. Am I right?

kateiskate

I don't think wanting a child is wrong, but wanting a child so much that you are no longer thinking about what is best for that child but instead being driven by your desire for children is wrong. Any parenting, adoption or otherwise should be with the best interests of the child at heart.

Jenny

There's nothing wrong longing to hold a child or even having a desire to be a mother, but when people take steps to coerce and and try to get a child,
i have real problem with that.
Why not work in a day care there you can hugg children all day!

Not Adopted

There is nothing wrong with wanting children, it's how you go about getting them.

sunny

Nothing.

There is nothing wrong with 'wanting' anything.

I want a 2500 sq. ft. house. So if I can't afford one, can I take someone else's? Why not?

Your quote:

"I have never seen a website such as this where women attack other women."

You haven't, huh? Go to an adoption agency forum, register, and say you're an adoptee who believes in open records, or that you have ANY issue with adoption that is less than glowing.

You will be RUN OFF so fast your head will SPIN. And it won't be MEN who block your account, I assure you.

Obias

Ollie, what's the problem here?
If all these issues and concerns you have are truly blocking you from whatever it is you're trying to get to the bottom of, perhaps you should try extensively discussing it with your loved ones who may oppose you, rather than us (me).

PhilM

Well, since I've never had my own children, am I allowed to criticize?

Having children is NOT a RIGHT. It's a privilege.

And where do you get off calling adoptees "unwanted"? How cruel can you be?

DevonChaos

There are good reasons and bad reasons to want children. If a person wants children to make up for a loss in their life, that is NOT a good reason. If a person wants to keep having children until they have the girl they always wanted, that's NOT a good reason. If a person wants a child because they feel they need one to complete their life, its NOT a good reason. If a person wants a child because they think its going to make their marriage work better, that's NOT a good reason to have a child. If a person wants a child because they are the last of their friends to have one, again, bad reason.
There are also good reasons, such as feeling like you would like to share your life and love with a child, great. I'm sure there are many more.
I easily had my children. I criticize women for having children or adopting children for the wrong reasons. Not for wanting them.

ETA: I agree fully that children NEED parents, not the other way around. If someone is so caught up in needing a child that they are unable to function, there are other problems at hand that should be addressed before they get the opportunity to raise a child.

drkangel210e

There are some vicious, hurt people on here that say terrible things to help themselves deal with the loss they've experienced.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother, and I can somewhat relate to the pain of not being able to have children. I recently had a miscarriage with my first pregnancy. Even though the doctor told me that I'm very fertile and the next will go fine, it made me appreciate that I'm able to get pregnant at all.

What I don't like, and what people on here are reacting to is the fact that there are aparents out there and organizations who think that certain people shouldn't be allowed to keep their children for reasons other than abuse/neglect/ endangering the child's life. Look at all the celebrities who go out and adopt a child of every color, often even paying the parents off to give them their child. There's something wrong with that, and there's something wrong when people tell a young mother to give up her baby when she doesn't want to and the only factor against her keeping it is her age.

Heather B

Nothing wrong with wanting children.

There is a difference, however, between wanting children and feeling you are entitled to children.

ETA Nobody is entitled to a child, particularly another woman's child.

Talk about attacking women! go re-read your last statement LOL!

Anha S

I dont see a darn thing with longing to be a mother. What I see a problem with is feeling entitled to be a mother, like the entire universe needs to gather up and give one their due. I have a problem with women who feel so entitled they troll internet boards looking for young, vulnerable, and scared pregnant women. But no, I take no issue with someone wanting to be a mom.

Spreading ones legs to be a mother? Take in an unwanted child? Just how crass can you be?

Looney Tunes

Oh Brother.

I can not even comment on your degrading comments about women.

But, I will say: IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE CHILD

Every child is ENTITLED to a safe and loving family. It's NOT about the wants or entitlement of the parents. Period.

MS A

There is nothing wrong with it. It is an instinct. I'm starting to get a thick skin about this issue,but it still hurts sometimes.

I never felt entitled to a child. I had looked at the adoption system and had decided I wanted nothing to do with adopting a newborn. Then a friend's stepdaughter approached me and ask me to please adopt her child. I tried to talk her out of it. She simply did not want to be a mother, yet. She was determined to put her up for adoption. We have an open adoption and it works well for all of us most of the time.

Yes, there are a lot of things terrible about the adoption process. Until everyone learns that it's the system that is at fault and not the members of the triad, we will never move forward. We need to start supporting each other and figuring out ways to change the system.

Flying Monkey #073177

So all I did was spread my legs then.. Nice. I think my children would beg to differ on that one.

Nobody NEEDS a child. People need new lungs or livers, people need food and water, people do not NEED to be parents. It is this urgent need that is wrong, not the desire to parent.

ETA
There is a huge difference between desire and need. Good lord, I desire a better salary and bigger home but I don't need it to continue my existence. Nor do adopters need a child, they will live just fine without one.

cruzgirlz3

This forum is starting to scare me.

Lillie

Because spreading ones legs is the way god intended for it. Since you brought up Jesus and all, go ahead. Read your Bible. It's all there in black and white, sorry to rain on your parade.

Maybe spreading one's lips should be reconsidered before engaging one's brain.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

Why are you so stuck on the "who is thinking this way or that......". Why do you care, as long as you think it is right.

You have posted a multitude of questions and the underlying tone of MOST of them is that "everyone thinks adoption is wrong"......Why do you care??

Why not try to figure out what bothers the hell out of people when it comes to adoption and try to do something to remedy it.

The adoption market is crooked........Any time someone has to pay upwards of tens of thousands of dollars to adopt a baby that some young (maybe confused) mother is GIVING UP for adoption......it smells kind of FISHY. Oh, by the way.....I work in the adoption industry but not placing children for tens of thousands of dollars.

So, give it a rest. If you think it is right.....THEN IT IS RIGHT!! Otherwise, sit back and "listen" and maybe you will "see" the issues with ADOPTION!

CIAO!!

Linny G

You wrote: "Why is spreading ones legs a more accepted way to mother than opening your heart to an unwanted child."

What if I were to say, "Well, since these women can't have a child the way God intended them to (via spreading their legs), maybe God doesn't want you to have a child"

Mean and hypocrtical, huh?

Infertile and carry a grudge much?

edited to add: Im glad you were able to spread your legs and have a baby. Excuse me if your post sounded like an "entitled" ap. If you think THIS site is mean, surf a little bit in your spare time.

You edited to add: Honey I am not infertile I have a child that I gave birth to that is why I understand why one would want to adopt. I understand the joy of mothering and would want that for EVERY woman! I'm not a hypocrite I don't enjoy my child while telling another they should just just get over it and live childless.

Your defensive tone is sad- almost like, "How DARE you suggest I am infertile- like it's leprosy. EXACTLY my point. Being infertile is not something to be ashamed of. Neither is placing a child for adoption. Neither is an adoptee who wants to know their n family.

Most of the adoptees here have not said to "get over it and live your life childless". There are MANY children available for adoption in foster care, but that's not good enough for most ap's. Get it? They do not want to parent a child, they want a new fresh baby, come he!! of high water, and usually from a "predatory" agency, paying thousands for the prize. Its disgusting.
One of my adoptee friends once said, "it's almost as if they need to huff the amniotic fluid from the baby to make it even more real".
How dare you say adoptees are "unwanted". Most of us WERE wanted, but society and predatory facilitators convinced them otherwise.
How dare you criticize ANY of us? Get off the computer and go read to your baby.

tish

i agree...that's why i birthed my own.

now, if i want someone else's child, the rules change.

ETA:
"We all have natural desires as human beings we are created to procreate to raise on the next generation even it is by adoption"---OMFG!! did you even read what you just wrote???

it's not the "procreating" people criticize.

ps. i like spreading my legs. it's makes me very happy.

Lori A

I sympathize with wanting to be a mother, really I do. But what is throwing me is that you are a mother, capable of procreating, and you still feel a need to mother another womans child. You say you long to hold a baby in your arms, you have, you simply want to do it again.

If you can feel for the women who long to hold babies and be mothers then why is it you can not feel for the women who long to hold their own child again, the ones who experience the other side of empty arms, and why oh why would you if you feel so deeply for these women, want to cut them out of having the experience of motherhood by wanting another baby yourself? There aren't that many babies to legally go around.

You have had yours, why must you have another when so many wait for so long and want the same thing you do?

I think the problem is you do not want another child, just a baby. You could get another child from foster care, but that is not what you desire.

since when is spreading your legs to concieve a bad thing, you did it.

Mom to Foster Children

I have children who were born to me and a child who my husband and I have adopted - do I feel entitled...? Entitled to what? Now, tired - I feel tired because I run around like a chicken with my head cut off some days with homework and such - but entitled - no sorry I don't!

Kassy

Not to worry. There are too many different people here to worry about who's pleased and who's not. There's no way of pleasing everyone. It goes two ways too. Besides that adoptive parents or paps are let in for some scorn, have you noticed all the thumbs down that some adoptees get even when they're being civil and just talking about their personal experiences? It happens both ways and with new people popping in all the time it will continue.

But yeah, It seems to me if a woman adopts because she wants children some will take it that she's only thinking of herself and what she wants. If a woman adopts because she wants to give a home to a child that needs one some will say she's trying to be a savior.

Victory loves her Redneck Man

lol Boy someone ruffled your skirt!!Not all people are like this,just ignore them,there is nothing you can do about them and in most cases they are set in their ways with no chance of change.There are quite a few vicious people on here though who think their way is best and the only way,just ignore it is what I do unless it is something I feel strongly about then I will speak my mind as you are doing now:)

Carnie C

Nothing is wrong with wanting children. I have a grown daughter and a granddaughter (both of whom live with me) yet i long for more and always felt i should've had at least 3. I will be turning to foster care soon. As you said, yearning for a child, even a baby, is a natural thing for MOST people.

However, some here do feel that those who voice those opinions somehow come across as "entitled". Yet, I see them no more entitled as the nparent who feels that they are entitled to reunion. What makes them entitled to reunion if the adoptee doesn't want it? What makes them entitled to know how the child turned out as an adult? What makes them entitled to being called "mom"?

There are some polarizing views on this forum and you will find that you tend to be more "aligned" with some before others...but at some point, you might find that there's one little point that you agree with the "others" on.

This point is probably not it though lol

yeahright

You question is interesting--and wanting children isn't the issue. BUT I AGREE that I haven't run across a place where so many people are devoted to a topic--but tear each other apart and offer hostile--not constructive statements--often baiting and very combative. Ugh...

Maysa

Not a thing wrong with wanting a child! and you are so right about people attacking others on here.

dasdjasdjaiwdjaws

There's nothing wrong with it.

It is just some people feel that there are so many un-loved, un-looked after children in the world, just having a child, of your own is selfish.

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