What is a good gift to give birth mother coming from adoptive parent?

Gaia Raain

Her baby.

Lori A

A lock of hair, one of the first teeth to fall out, baby shoes.

mommy2squee

Ongoing contact with her child.

myst1998

Nothing. There is nothing you could ever give her to replace the child she lost or is about to lose.

Cool Hal

My adoptive parents set up a scrap book when I was born and put things in like a lock of hair, a tooth, pictures, cards, school work, photo's etc.

In the 1970's adoption was closed but they did send a photo through the agancy when I was 6 months old.

I now have the scrapbook and when/if I decided to meet my bio mum it is something that I can share with her if I chose.

For adoptive parents in the 1970's this was very forward thinking and a nice keepsake for me. My wife is jelous that her parents didn't do something similar. It is also something that we do for our kids.

Sofiakat

I gave my kids mother a letter. In it I wrote that I would NEVER erase her and that her kids would know how much she loved them. I also promised to help them find her when they were of age. I told her I respected her, and her kids would be loved and cherished and I would could keep good care of them until they could be with her again.
Although the letter certianly did not compare to what she was losing I had hoped it would bring her some hope.
We had to have a closed adoption as according to CAS.
Her kids were 18 months and 3 years old upon coming to live with us.
I have kept my word. Her picture is on our fridge and I try to include her memory as much as I can.

Just a Mom

This question makes me so sad because my kids' first mother died this past August. I am sitting here thinking about what gift I could have given her and I think that I did the only thing I knew how to do...I gave her my friendship.

The day we met was the first 72 hour visit. When I picked up the kids and had to take them out of her arms, we both cried. We talked atleast once a week beside visits and I set up extra visits in the community. She came to my house for visits and when she was homeless, she stayed at my house for a week. When the judge made her cry in court, I was the only one to hug her and comfort her afterwards.

She gave me a lot in our friendship, too. Besides the obvious (the kids), when an ice storm hit and we couldn't live in our house for 2 weeks, we stayed with her. She told me everything she could about the kids before I had them. She told me all about her life.

The last time I saw her was two weeks before she died. Her, their first dad, my partner, the kids and I met for lunch. She was in obvious pain and it hurt for the kids to hug her, but she didn't want them to stop. She wouldn't smile because she was in so much pain. She cried and told me that she would feel better the next visit. There was no next visit.

I miss her more than I can ever say. I miss her because she was their mom and I miss her because she was my friend. I don't know any gift I can give her now except to love the kids and keep the 7 of them together. And make sure they know how awesome she was and how much she loved them.

AveMariaX

let the child have the love of 2 mothers.

Santa's Lil' Helper

I think Lori's suggestion was very touching....

A "gift" per say may imply that this one item would lessen the pain of giving up her child. Perhaps the most simplest of things like compassion, understanding, nonjudgmental acceptance as part of her child's life is better than any bouquet of flowers or gift basket.
I guess most of all is to keep your word. Deliver on all promises you keep to her.

ETA:

One more thing... The acknowledgment that your child has a first mom.

sizesmith

We continually offer pictures, contact, and we always have the door open for her to visit. She doesn't, so I'm working on a scrapbook, very detailed, with information, dates of things like his first tooth, etc.

After his birh, she had previously asked for a quilt. It's almost done, with the top being made of patchwork, and the back being made of his receiving blankets. It's soft, and I think it's something she'll want and use.

The main thing I've done for her in one twisted way, was to come here, read the questions, and the answers, and educate myself on things coming from a1st parent's point of view. We have found that our son's 1st mom is a little traumatized to see him on a regular basis, so we have let her know the door is always open, and that we love her, her other kids too, and most of all, she knows we love our son (meaning her's and the 1st father's in addition to us). Respect and education are the #1 thing you can do for everyone in the situation. Also, be 100% honest with her, yourself, and your child!

Mom to Foster Children

Same thing you would give your child on Gotcha Day! Blech! This makes me sick! What would you give a woman for the price of her flesh and blood. Hopefully you will be truthful to this woman and to this child. I can also assume that you aren't adopting from foster care so I would hope at least you will let this mother see her child growing up and be a part of his or her life. I would hope that you would continue with the child's culture and / or move to his origin of birth!

LadyMoon

The support she needs to keep her baby.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

How about the support she needs to keep her baby

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

you could start by offering to not call her "birth mother" anymore.

jewels

Gift for what? How about on special occasions you make sure she gets to see her son, or you at least call her if that's not possible. That's what we do for my son's first mom. For Christmas, we made her a photo album and filled it with lots of pictures.

chielu c

Giver her child back to her.

Zeena

Well, my sister will be in my baby's life, but I am still getting her a present.I am getting a professional picture done of her and putting it on a throw blanket.

Theresa

Support to raise her own child

Shayla

Continued involvement in their child's life.

Also, Just a Mom, you broke my heart. Your kids have been through so much.

Randy B

The best home possible for the child.

Jeffrey G

My wife and I adopted a child in January. Our original plan was to give her a necklace with the birthstone of the baby. Well the baby came early and she hated the January birthstone so we had to scramble to find something. We found a beautiful locket for about $150 at Macey's and had a picture made of the baby and put it in the locket before we gave it to her. I think that depending on the birthstone, something like a birthstone necklace or a locket. BTW CONGRATS!

Insanity

a neclase with a pendent with a symbol on it symbolising the togetherness of 2 groups of people or cultures..... a beautiful one with this meaning in a symbol i know of is the "maori double cross"

leila

a journal.
ask her to record her thoughts and some day when you reunite she can share them with her adult children.

39 Weeks Pregnant!

My daughters adoptive parents gave me a beautiful bible, and had the nurses put her footprints in the front cover.

Edit- Seriously? thumbs down for a bible? Some of you people are so ignorant I can't even believe it.

WeWillRockYou

give her child the most love and care you can. <3
thats the best gift you could give her (:

Mom of Will

Dear Christy W,

WOW! I sure came late in this game -- who knew that the Adoption Answers would be so heated?

As a mom, a mom who CHOSE to adopt a baby boy who was abandoned, a boy who has completed my family, a boy who is cherished, I gave the best gift I could give.

I gave my heartfelt gratitude and openly showed my emotion.
I left the orphanage with a picture of my little man and the simple words, "I promise with all of my being that he will be loved, nurtured, guided, and become the best man possible." I instructed them, should the mother ever return, to pass this on to her -- to assure her that her little man's future was insured.

I delivered this card with welling tears, at the moment he was placed in my arms, hoping that they too could feel the overwhelming emotion behind this "gesture" , for a lack of a better term.

God bless you for taking this life-giving road.

that guy

a baby. :D she would love it. either your own or from adoption.

flounder2442

You people are so close minded and it makes me sick. She is giving up her child because she wants her/him to have a better life then she feels that she could provide and there is nothing wrong with that. She made a mistake by getting pregnant when she wasn't ready, yes, but at least she isn't trying to make the baby suffer with her by not being able to provide for him/her. You need to open your eyes and see the big picture

trying2behelpful

There is a book called "Never, Never, Never Will She Stop Loving You." It is kind of old school, but it is really good. Get one to read to your child and one for the birth mom. It is good to tell your child how much love their birth mom has for them. We also got a necklace for our birth mom. She loves it and wears it all the time. We also sent her one of our daughters outfits that we had her first professional picture take in. We let our daughter wear it for a few hours and then sent it to her so it smelled like the yummy baby smell. She also loved that. A stuffed animal with an outfit that you have a picture of the baby in would be nice too. Pictures and letters regularly to your birth mom. You could also do hand and foot prints out of clay when you get the baby home. You could make the birth mom a blankie identical to one that you will make your baby.

Congratulations to you!

Jermanica J

a good gift to give a woman is a stuffed animal a card saying i love u mother you will never fade away in my heart no matter what any one says
if that is in your price range or some golden earrings set an a card saying i always love then a poem i hope i help u

bob.integrity

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