What is a "happy" adoptee?

BOTZ

A "happy adoptee" is an adopted person...who is happy.

In the more complex sense, it depends on 'who' is defining "happy adoptee".

If I'm defining it...I'm a "happy adoptee". Because I'm (more than not) a "happy person". Are there things that I would change? Sure, and I'm working on it/for it. I wouldn't change much (in the present) about my own situation because it is what it is -- and it's working. I can't *really* go back in time. I would like my own records, as the non-adopted can have theirs. And I'd like us all (adopted people) to have that right, whether or not we all want/use it. Otherwise, I'm good.

If my a-parents agency is defining it...a "happy adoptee" is a quiet, grateful, compliant, non-searching, non-reuniting, personality-free, passive, humble ('humbled'), acquiescent, obedient, perpetually "minor" wet rag.

If my a-parents are defining it...a "happy adoptee" is what they hope the 3 children they adopted are. With the following conditions: Feel sad if you want, but don't tell us you're sad because then we feel sad and we don't want to feel sad, even if you are. Search if you want, but don't ask us to help because we would prefer that you 'pretend' (with us) that you were a blank slate that came to us without needs, loss, grief or issues -- and from the cabbage patch, not a mother. Have a relationship with your mother if you want, but don't tell us anything good about her because we'd rather believe we are better than she is and we "saved" you. Work/Advocate for reform if you want, but don't expect us to help (or support you in that, or vote for the reforms you want) because it (closed, sealed adoption) worked out just fine for us.

Besides the above, they love us all 'equally' and want us all to be (their definition of) happy.

Take care!

PhilM

Honestly, it has no meaning for me outside of this site. I know happy people and unhappy people. Some of the happy people I know are adoptees. But they don't identify themselves as "happy adoptees," and I don't think of them in those terms. (Some of them are clearly unhappy about adoption, even though happy in general. The others don't talk about adoption, one way or the other.)

So for me the term only has significance in terms of what seems to be the underlying argument among people here.

Heather B

One with free access to information and records regarding their own birth and their own lives, should they wish to know the truth of their origins. Without impediment.

ditto what Laurie said about the disrespectful tofu person.

Sofiakat

I think a happy adoptee is someone who is okay with themselves, whether they always have been, or whether they have worked through the trauma of being adopted.
I am a happy survivor of abuse. Seems to be a weird statement to me, but it is true. I still have some days where it makes me want to cry, but generally, I have worked through a lot of my issues surrounding it.
Whether you are reunited, wanted to reunite or not, had great aps or horrible ones, as adults we can find a path toward happiness as we learn to love ourselves no matter what. Does that make sense?

a healing adoptee

unfortunely i have come to the understanding that a happy adoptee is one who insults others on this site who wish to have reforms in adoption or wants reunion with their birth mother. they are the ones who complain that the angry adoptee pushes their feelings on them, yet they turn right around and insult adoptees on here with questions or answers that state be thankful u are not aborted. Like i stated before if you are happy then why insult. i'm happy, my adoptive parents know i;m on here.

if someone states to me they don't want to meet their b-mom i don't tell them they are in a fog. but they are the first to tell me i have low self-esteem and go jump off a bridge, again if you are happy why say this?

to me a happy adoptee is one who is fine with their adoption but does not go around insulting others because they want reforms or have reunion with their b-mom.

Mommy times 2!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnVMTs0Stq4

IMO, this is what a "happy adoptee" is. At least, if I take the opinions of the "EXTREME pro-adoption regardless of its effects on human beings" folks. (The song starts after 1:50, just so's ya know. Skip past it.)

DDT

I think it's a good situation where parents love you for who you are. They don't hide information, and whenever possible, contact with bparents is available. It's knowing that as an adoptee you are loved, wanted and treated as if you were a biological child. It's not playing favourites between adopted and biological children and making sure that the focus is always on what's best for the children. Talking about birth parents may be hard on the adoptive parents, but it's not about them, it's about the child knowing where the came from, who they are! That's what I think, I just hope that when I adopt, I can do all of this!

â™¥ladiemmâ™¥

I'm not sure what it means for everyone else, but for me? I'm just thankful I was given a chance at life and it has nothing to do with being adopted by billionaires. My family's are FAR from that and I love my life. Also Knowing my whole life that I was chosen by God and my family for this life makes it all the better. I know my life has a purpose.

MelzMom

I consider myself a happy person. I am happily married, happy mother of 2. Happy in the persuit of a career (in college). I am also happy because of 2 adoptive parents who love me beyond belief. I have no ill feelings toward my birthmother she did what she thought she needed to do as a 16 year old pregnant girl. i don't feel like i lost anything, but i gained a lot. I guess i am happy by nature idk. I am satisfied with my life so far. I'm not saying that everything has been perfect it has not. i've had some big traumas and stresses in my life but who doesn't i just deal with it adjust and go on. i know that won't work for everyone but it works for me.

ladyjay_821

Not a nice term. I wouldn't use it and I am a foster mom for the last 15 years. Family is family some by choice and some biologically. Sometimes you can chose your family. Sometimes your family chooses you.

flowergirl

I don't know that I consider anyone to be a 'happy' adoptee. Maybe just an adoptee who's come to terms with adoption and isn't 'angry'.

ms. k

One who has been adopted by billionaires.

Tara J â„¢

Well there isnt one on yahoo. Wow have you read some of these ppls post. Some of these ppls are 40 years old still b**ching about their childhood. I personally think these people would have been miserable regardless of who raised them

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