What is a "real and gentle way" to explain adoption to children?

Mei-Ling

"You have another mommy and daddy out there who could not take care of you for reasons that I am not certain of. They loved you very much but they just couldn't take care of you - perhaps they didn't have any help so that they could keep you. I really do not know, and I'm sure they miss you terribly. So the only thing they could do was to make sure that you would be safely given to people who could love and take care of you."

Lori A

My 6 year old grandson knows his mother is adopted. He asks questions, she answers them. He doesn't actually get it yet but when he asks, she explains. Most recent was he knows that his mom was in my belly, but how did we transfer her to her other mom's belly? She had to explain that she wasn't transfered, her other parents took her home after she was born, from my belly. He understood as well as can be expected for 6. I think it's more a matter of fact attitude than anything that gives them the confidence to accept it. Children will accept most anything that adults deem acceptable because they don't really know better at an early age.

kateiskate

You are so original with your questions.

A "real" way to describe it would be an "honest" way. For example, not using "you were chosen" or "You're so special because you're adopted" or other equally useless descriptions of adoption but simple "gentle" explanations like "You have two mommies and two daddies, one who had you and one who raised you." or "It's okay to love all of your family because they all play an important part in your life" or "I know you miss your other mommy and that's okay." etc.

SJM

As others have suggested, just be honest. If you're not sure of something, let that be known. Keep it age appropriate, and avoid adoption agency language that doesn't apply to situations outside of adoption.

My mother explained it as the adoption agency suggested. She also had a first cousin who was adopted, so she constantly referred to her while explaining.

However, I learned about adoption in the beauty shop, at the bank lounge (where mom worked), and overhearing phone conversations. When the daughter of the owner of the beauty shop kept her baby (circa 1976), there was mass confusion. Wherever will the women go to gossip about it??? Major crisis.

Children pick up on things. Be honest.

Philippa

Just be honest and depending on how old they are depends on how simply you put it. If you know why they they were surrendered be honest but if you don't then don't make up reasons.

chucha

to a 7 year old say that ur mom went somewhere that she will be bak in a couple of days or years

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