What is best info to give for a adoption?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

i won't tell you to keep it. i will tell you the truth, however. you WILL regret it for the rest of your life. i can promise you that.

and when your little adoptling comes and finds you, expect a good deal of bitterness, and you will need to explain why they were not good enough for you to keep them

make no mistake...they will not likely get the correct info, because agencies lie. they truly do.

i thought i was russian. i am not., i'm sicilian. i thought i had no negative medical history. another lie- i found out too many years later about a hereditary disease that completely had me on my death bed for years as a teen. it was a rare genetic disease. so rare, that no one bothered to test me for it.

i still suffer from major medical complications because of said lies.

i spent my entire first 20 years longing for my mother. i was never complete without her. i missed her, i needed her.

it took 8 long years of active searching to find her. i'm so angry that she abandoned me, i would very, VERY much like to kill her. but i won't.

but believe me, the hatred i have toward her for tossing me out will be with me forever.

i am 40 years old. i have not yet recovered. i do not expect to.

my natural mother is on the edge of emotional disaster, as she has never recovered either. she became an alcoholic, a prescription pill popper and is borderline psychotic in the literal sense.

before she abandoned me, she was a well woman. since then? she has had several nervous breakdowns dring the time she didn't know where i was, dead or alive, being abused or not.

it was the mistake of a lifetime.

she will never be able to live alone again. she can barely get out of bed for the last 40 years.

but hey- if that's what you're into, go for it.

Flying Monkey #073177

Everything and anything you can possibly think of. Medical and family history, pictures, letters, As much as you can write out about yourself; your interests, likes and dislikes, favourite musis, colour, movie, food, shoes, animal, childhood story, etc... everything.

Possum

Make sure you read this - written by woman that wished they'd known what it was really going to be like losing a baby to adoption -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Open adoptions are not enforceable.
Children need to know personally those that they are bio related to.
(for better emotional and psyche well being)

Adoption is a long long term solution to an often short term problem.

It hurts to be given away by your mother.

I wish you well.

Shannon

It does not matter, an agency is not required to share any of this information with the adoptive parents and adoptive parents are likely to withhold whatever they can from the child to prevent an open adoption (as they are not enforceable). If you do decide to do this, be truthful and give all the information that you can think of including medical history. likes and dislikes is a nice gesture and would be welcomed by your child.

Remember that an agency can remove and add whatever they want to your profile. they will do what is best (in their eyes) to sell your baby to the highest bidder.

Perhaps you can find an agency that allows you to choose the couple and actually meet them.

Please, at the very least, wait until after the baby is born before promising anything to anyone.

sweetjane

You give any and all information that you wish to give. If you like, you can tell them everything about your family and medical history, your childhood, why you gave him up, etc. Or you can give him nothing.....which, of course, would be hard for any child to handle. His potential adoptive parents are not in any way required to share ANYTHING you tell or give to them, and in most cases won't, so it is kind of up to you. Two words of advice:
1. You should really block your email, as there will be many crazies who will offer their 'support' to help you decide to give them your child.
2. Adoptive parents are in NO WAY required to allow you or your son/daughter to know anything about each other. They can tell him/her anything they wish, but they can also choose to deny he/she was ever adopted. They are not in ANY WAY required to have or commit to an open adoption in ANY state. They can agree to it, they can say they want you to know your child, have pics of your child, they can write it in the contract and it is STILL not in any way enforcible. Once you are terminated as the parent, all bets are off as to you having ANY knowledge about your child's life, whereabouts, etc. Just letting you know.

butterfliesbrown

I would imagine that you give whatever information you want to. I am sure some babies are adopted out that have no information about their birth parents. Through an agency I would think that it would be medical stuff, and if you had an open adoption, you could make up a scrapbook thing and add whatever information.

You said that nothing anybody says about you making your choice will influence you and I really hope that is true. I have read some of the answers, and I think nomatter what decion you decide on someone out there will be able to tell you a horror story, or a wonderful story about it. Don't let anyone influence you in any way. It has to be a decision you make on your own. I have the greatest respect for anyone who makes any of the three choices!!!

I have been faced with this choice (as I am sure a lot of people have) a few times.

Good luck!!!!

Lizzy

First of all I think you're really brave and a great person for admitting that you're not ready to raise a baby. Please don't have an abortion if you're healthy enough to carry to term. Babies are amazing and being pregnant is amazing. I have a son and when I was pregnant he responded to me poking at my belly and music. Give your baby a chance to grow up and be loved. You don't want to spend your life wondering about what he/she could have been. I'm sorry I don't have any information on adoption but good luck with your choice.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: