What is the REASON that prospective adoptive parents tell agencies that they've been trying for so long to...?

monkeykitty83

Actually, I'm not sure they would have much choice about whether to tell that to the agency or not.

I'm having trouble imagining an interview scenario in which why they want to adopt, and what steps they have taken in the process of becoming parents, WOULDN'T come up.

If the agency asks even basic application questions, the struggles with infertility will almost certainly be included in the conversation. Why an adoptive parent would tell that to an EXPECTANT PARENT is a different matter, and is potentially coercive. For the agencies, though, it's kind of necessary.

Tidgie

I don't think they tell agencies that because they want to coerce anyone or have a pity party, I think it's said because it's truth and they may feel the need to explain why they're looking to adopt.

C Wood

Many of them HAVE been thinking about it and learning about it and planning it for a long time, so it's the truth in many cases.

You already believe that, so why are you asking?
cw

Jackie B

From what reading I've done and spending time here, I think it's a requirement. I remember seeing something about one agency that required a physician's note certifying their infertility, along with all the various ARTs they've done. I guess that means some agencies don't want fertile PAPs? Odd, I think.

eld_teacher

We told because it was the truth. No other reason.

Serenity71

Because the government agency asked... Thats why. Along with heap of other invasive questions about anything you might have encountered in your life.
They wanted to know if we were commited to adopting a child or wanted to still persue infertitlity treatments. If your still doing infertitly treatments you won't even be assessed for adoption. And if a a couple falls pregnant thats it they're considered for a child any more. They can apply again when their child turns two. (From what I see in the US, adoption isn't made that hard. You can still be pregnant and adopt a new born at teh same time. Talk about not considering the needs of the child.)

HappyMomAnna

We did not adopt via an agency we adopted from foster care. We were Asked Our reasons for choosing adoption and why we chose to adopt siblings from foster care.

If our reasons had to do with fertility we would have had to demonstrate that we had completely grieved the fact we could not biologically reproduce as well as "pass" the questions that related to our motivations and expectations.

During the process and since I have been an adoption support group leader and work with the county resources I have read a good deal of information from agencies. One thing I do recall reading from an agency is that some mothers may want their baby to be the Oldest or Only child the adoptive parents have and that Information might also indicate a level of dedication.

I guess it just depends on how you look at the information and in what way it will be evaluated and by who?
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Wundt

They are telling the truth. E.g. they really have been trying for some time to have children.

The whole 'fad' issue is a straw man, the number of people adopting because it is fashionable is very small. Most people adopt because they love children and either cannot have their own or feel the need to give homes to children in need.

Tiffanie might induce tomorrow!

I don't know why they might think that info is important to share. I have a great aunt who tried forever to have children and then adopted a little girl and was wonderful to her. Then when she later adopted a boy she finally became pregnant, also with a boy, after years of trying. As a result she spoiled her child that she gave birth to and was pretty much evil and abusive to the adopted boy. I don't think how long you have been trying should be that important just based off that experience.

Heather B

It's proof that adoption is their last resort and the adopted person is their last choice. Nice one :(

kitta

PAPS don't have to prove how long they have been "trying."

They do have to show the agency how long they have been married...if they are married. They have to show general health records...proof of sufficient good health. Most states have laws and policies that require at least some minimum standards for PAPs.

They tell the agency they have been trying for so long so the agency will tell the pregnant women and get sympathy for the PAPs.

It is part of the convincing that is done to "prove" to pregnant women that the PAPS have been trying for years and years and and have been "prepared"...while the pregnant "girl" just got pregnant..

It doesn't matter, because no one is entitled to another person's baby no matter how many months or years they have tried to get pregnant.

Agencies have no way of knowing how long anyone has 'tried" to have a baby. But they are in the business of completing adoptions.They are interested in seeing that happen. ...

ETA: I was a member of my state's adoption agency rule and regulation re-write Task Force for 3 years. Agencies do ask invasive questions of PAPs. But PAPs don't have to supply proof of how many years of infertility treatments. It is kind of a cat and mouse game. Infant Adoption is a disgusting business.

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