What is the average cost for adopting a child in the US and how do you get started??

figuresk8r@rocketmail.com

First of all, your adopted child will be yours. That's one thing that really bugs me. People ask all the time: "Don't you really want a child that is yours?" or "Do they ever see their real parents?" We are their real parents - we are the one's who stay up late when they are sick and clean up after them when they puke. We are the one's who are video taping every cute little thing they do, etc. etc. Sorry about the soapbox, but if you adopt a child you'll get it.

Now, to answer the question: US adoption has so many variables that an average cost could be difficult to come up with, however most don't cost more than $12,000 - $15,000. If you have to pay medical expenses it will be on the higher end, or if the birthfather is not around, you have to hire an attorney to represent him/try to find him before his rights are terminated. You will be responsible for all attorney's fees for you and the birthmother/father. You have to pay for a homestudy - done by a licensed social worker.

Both of our children were adopted privately - what that means is we did all of the work ourselves to find them and then hired an attorney to handle the adoption. We wrote a letter (Dear Birthmother - you can find lots of them online to see what to include) and sent it to everyone that we knew and that our parents and siblings knew letting them know that we were looking to adopt and if they were in contact with anyone who might be considering placing a baby for adoption to please pass our letter on. That's how we made contact in both adoptions. We did have a failed adoption in between our 2 and we did that one a little different b/c our attorney had the contact and the birthmother chose us out of quite a few potential adoptive parents. She changed her mind 5 hours after the baby was born (it still cost us $11,000).

Then there is agency adoption: They have a social worker usually in house that will do the homestudy. They usually require money upfront to cover attorney's fees and agency fees and the homestudy. You write your letter and then when they have a birthmother looking for a family, she will look at possibly hundreds of profiles and choose families to meet.

Either way, there are no guarantees that she won't change her mind after giving birth. Each state has varying laws on how soon she can sign the papers after giving birth. Her attorney must also be present to verify that she wasn't coerced or isn't signing under distress of any kind.

Hope this helps! If I missed anything - I'm happy to add to this post if I know the answer.

Gaia Raain

Hi ProudMama,

There are various types of adoption available, with varying costs. I would recommend staying away from domestic infant adoption and international adoption, but if you decide to take one of those routes, there are some well-informed adoptive parents who can help you make sure your adoption is as ethical as it can possibly be.

My husband and I are adopting through foster care, and there are far fewer concerns about ethics in foster adoption. There are over 100,000 children in foster care who already need homes. And adopting through foster care is free in most states, and very low cost in others.

Please be aware that children who need new families, regardless of the reason, don't have the emotional resources to be a replacement for the baby you couldn't have. Adoption is about finding homes for children who need them, NOT fulfilling the desires of adults who can't have babies. If you find out that you're infertile, please take some time to grieve your loss (because infertility is a HUGE loss). Before starting the adoption process, please make sure the reason you're doing so is to give a home to a child in need, not to fulfill your own desires.

Best of luck!

Cartier

Contact your local social services office or an adoption agency. You could also do a search online.

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