What is the best thing to say in a letter to a birth parent?

I was adopted when I was 2 months old. I have never met my birth family. However, a few years ago, I made a post online looking for my mom, and my cousin found me. He was looking for his aunt and thus, found my post. We have not met either, but we have talked through email and phone.
We just found out that my birthmother is alive and living about 327 miles from me (I am in So Cal and she's in Las Vegas). She remarried and changed her last name (thus not being able to find her before). I know her husbands name too. I got a couple phone numbers but my cousin is going to be the one calling them since his mother has more of a connection with my birth mom.
Now, here is my dilemma. I have an address (not a phone number) for who I think might be my mother's husband (with whom she is living with). Should I write a letter? I mean, I should cuz it's the only way to try. I am well aware that my mother may not want to meet me, I've talked about this with some people.
My question is, what should I say in the letter? How do I start it out?
Or maybe I should take a trip to Vegas?

Chad B

Write a letter. Do not just go and sho up, that could put some people in shock and make them on edge. Give them time to think and adjust to whatever they are feeling with you coming back into their lives. In the letter, make it short and sweet. Say that you are not going to hold your mom to anything and if she doesn't want contact with you that is ok, no hard feelings. But you would love the opportunity to maybe keep in contact, even if it is only thru letters and Christmas Cards. Say you are doing well and that you hope she is too. Put a recent picture of yourself in there and mail it and hope she wants a relationship back. Good Luck and I hope it all works out for you.

MamaKate

Most mothers who have lost a child to adoption want contact- I'd be willing to bet it won't matter what you write, just that you wrote. She's probably been waiting to hear from you for a long time.

Just write from your heart. Tell her hello. Let her know you are interested in her. Tell her how you feel. Ask your questions. Give her your information.

You will most likely be pleasantly surprised.

I hope that your mother welcomes you with open arms and give you the answers you are looking for. Best of luck to both of you and my very best wishes for a happy and healthy reunion!

Maryn

Start with the letter. This gives her the option of ignoring it if it's something she cannot handle.

What to say? Thank her for making sure you had loving parents who provided for you. Tell her you understand the decision was probably hard, but she made the right one. Tell her you are happy, and a little bit about your interests or talents. Tell her you will understand if she does not reply, but you hope she will. Keep it under one page.

*mother of 3 girls*

write a letter first and than take the trip to vegas. in the letter ask her if she gave up a daughter for adoption at the age of 2months old. tell her that you have been looking for her and that your cousin, her nephew found you on the internet and that you all have been talking. then go on and tell her about yourself. good luck

Theresa

A lot of people have very different opinions on the phone call versus letter for first contact. There are definitely pros and cons to both.

I know you don't have a phone number, but a good free adoption search angel can help you with that.

First off, can't your cousin give you the phone number of your mom? Is it that you just feel more comfortable with your cousin making the first call?

Here's a page that has a lot of first contact information, as well as some sample letters:

http://www.adopteesearch.info/contact.html

firstly, i would like to commend you for your success in your search for your birth mother. my opinion is i think it would be better if you write to her first instead of paying her a surprise visiting. you can start the letter by telling her your name, who you are, how you are doing; and possibly asking how she is. you could also add the method in which you found her. if you want to meet her, you could ask for her permission in the letter as well.

i wish you good luck with your reunion and hope everything goes well. take care.

SheilaB

I don't see anything wrong with writing a letter but be prepared for what she has to say or the type of person she is.
I say that because I have a daughter and her biological Dad doesn't want anything to do with her at all. I fear she may be rejected if she finds out about him later. He is not a very good person. Not to say all who give up their children are bad people but there are some who just don't care.
Please remember the woman who raised you and be sure to keep your lines of communication open so that she doesn't feel left out or hurt. I know it would really hurt my husband if our daughter were to reach out to a man who didn't want her and chose to not be a part of her life when all the while he has been the one to kiss her boo-boos, hold her when she needed to be held and just fathered her.
So please keep the other peoples feeling in mind as you decide what you want to do.
As far as the letter just be yourself because in the end that is who you would be asking her to know and love.

brandy m

write a letter ask if she gave a daughter up 4 adoption

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