What is wrong with Adoption?

vmarie84

Society always wants to glamorize adoption as this wonderful loving experience where it gives a child a family. It does give children a family, but at what cost? Adoptees have no medical information, their identity and heritage is taken away, and their birth certificates are falsified. They hide this information, because they want the adoptive parents to feel and believe in every way the child is there's. What about their birth family? No matter how you look at it the child will always be a part of their first family in some way or another. To deny any individual that is completely wrong. Do you know genealogy is a hobby shared by many Americans today? What about those that have not genealogy? True, adoption can be a blessing. However, don't forget about the loss involved in the process. The birth parents lose their child, the adoptee losses their identity, and the adoptive parents lose their dream child and turn to adoption as another way to become parents. You can never have gain without loss. As an adoptee, I feel like I lost an entire family. Sure, the agency gives you bits and pieces of info, but you never know if it is correct. They change information in order to make you feel better. I don't need lies I desire to know the truth. If there were not so many secrets and lies surrounding adoption, than maybe the experience would be better for all those involved in it.

Felicita1

I think you have to ask:

- What is wrong with faked birth records?
- What is wrong with denying adoptees the right that every other citizen has: the right to their own real (non-fabricated) birth records. A right to an identity that is not cooked-up.
- What is wrong with reproductive exploitation?
- What is wrong with human rights abuse?
- What is wrong with coercing, lying to, and defrauding a mother in order to obtain her baby for customers willing to pay $25,000 and up for that infant?
- What is wrong with lying to a mother and telling her that she will "get over her loss" when 50% of mothers never do, and in fact severe depression, secondary infertility, health problems due to stress, relationship problems, and PTSD are common outcomes due to the trauma.

That is what you have to ask. The adoption system, or adoption industry, depends on these in order to exist.

A handful of babies are surrendered in Australia each year, where mothers are protected against reproductive exploitation and coercion, and where the industry does not exist as a for-profit $1.8 billion dollar/yr money-making machine. Over 10,000 newborns are surrendered in the U.S. every year because there is no protection and it is legal to use methods proven to double and even triple the chance a mother will surrender her newborn.

tish

lemme guess, you've never given up a child? been pregnant?

myst1998

Everything. Whats right with it? Nothing.

Adoption is separating a mother and her child and people here think that is okay. They don't seem to have a problem with a child losing their family, name, identity, sense of self etc. As long as they have their coveted baby, they seem to think that is just fine.

The problem is these days, money can even buy humans... with adoption its mostly babies. I should point out that I am well aware there are some adoptive parents out there who legitimately adopted in the best interests of their children via the Foster Care system so you are not who I am talking of.

Do some reading and research... also have a look into the psychology of the mother and child bond and how separating them affects both of them.

Yes, I am anti adoption... but in support of permanent care for children already in our Foster Care systems without removing their identities etc.

DevonChaos

There is a great deal of coercion that goes on when a mother mentions that she is considering adoption. Agencies will tell the mother all kinds of things to get them to give up the baby. To the agencies, babies are a commodity. They are nothing more than a big dollar sign.

They tell women who might otherwise be great parents that they are in a situation where they are not able to take care of the baby properly, and therefore should give up the baby to others who can take care of the baby. They don't try to find ways to help out the mother so that she can take care of her own child. They convince her that she is unable, and should hand over her baby. Cha-Ching! Money for the adoption agency, baby for the couple who wanted one, and a heartbroken girl without her baby.

Theresa

It causes trauma to infants
http://www.nancyverrier.com/ado_notes.php

It causes trauma to mothers
http://www.originscanada.org/adoption_trauma/what_they_knew.html

It seals the identities of individuals
http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/research/2007_11_for_records.php

Mei-Ling

Adoption certainly seems win-win from the adoptive parents' perspectives.

From the perspectives of the mothers who had to relinquish... things are a LOT less clear and even traumatizing.

A lot of women never "get over it." That's just what the media says. The media isn't necessarily always right.

You're looking for a black & white image... the bunnies and daisies version.

What did my adoptive parents gain? Me.

What did I gain? A language, a culture, a family and an education.

What did I lose? My original language, culture, family and education.

What did my original parents gain?

Nothing. Zip. Zero. Nada. No, they didn't even know if I was alive or where I was.

Rowan

i'm going to have to disagree with Anasatsia on this one. The child benefits as well. At least, i did. In exchange for a negletul, dirty existence, i got a good life, an education, and a loving family. Now, before anyone says "how do i know that my life would have been like that?" i will say, i know. My bio mom had anothe child after she gave up me and my twin brother, and what i just described, was her childhood. No education past 6th grade, no real love, never enough food.
There are problems with adoption, from what i've discovered on here. That needs to change. But it also has benefits.

Randy B

Its like any process. For someone to gain, someone must lose.

Parents lose children, adoptive parents gain children.
Children lose birth parents, children gain adoptive parents.

Where you stand on the issue depends on where you are in the system and how things turned out for you. For me, I was adopted and I gained a wonderful family so I have no issues with adoption. My youngest was adopted from an addictive set of birth parents who were unable to parent her. I have no issues in that adoption either although I'm sure her birth parents would say they feel otherwise. I'm confident, given her situation, that she won't have any issues with it either when she is old enough.

HappyMomAnna

There is always a point of view and considering the source is an important thing to keep in mind.

....adoption has not been about "winning" in my expereince and as I wait for approval for extended medical benefits for one my children I promise it has been a benifit for her life.... I can only panic to think of what may have happened in her life without people willing to love her unconditionally and move mountains in order to help her with the special needs she has....

at the end of the day We know she is better off having had people who CARE About HER no matter what and Love her.

a healing adoptee

there is nothing wrong with adoption. If a child is abused, neglected they need to be placed in a safe environment. There are many children in foster care that want to be adopted. I'm for that!

What i'm not for is adoptive parents that go around telling people how they saved their child from a third world country or an unsafe home. it's like they want a pat on the back or something for being a parent.

When you become an adoptive parent or really a parent it is not a right it is a PRIVILEGE.

Erin O.

Everything has a bad side and a good side, You only hear about the Bad...People who lock kids up, abuse, neglect, trauma...But for every one case of a "bad" adoption there is thousands of happy loving adoptions!! Now a birth mother does feel the pain of loss...But she has given a family a wonderful gift they could never thank her enough for. The child gets a happy and loving home that perhaps would not have been available to them otherwise. Yes, Adoptees have issues...some more than others...but this day in age who doesn't...People have preconceptions ...but I can tell you...those who do probably have never been touched by adoption...

From a brief personal view...I am adopted...I also had parents that were foster parents ('68-'06) they had over two hundred children go through their home..I saw many touching moments when new parents see their baby for the first time...If you ever got to see this...you would understand....

EAArcher

I am the adoptive mom of 2 children. Our family was created through an international adoption program. In a perfect world there would be no social issues, there would be no poverty issues, everyone who wanted a child could have children and those that did not want children would never conceive them in the first place. But we do not live in a perfect world.

My girls were available for adoption because of social issues. Do I condone those issues - no. Do I align myself with organizations that work to promote positive resolutions to those issues - yes. Do I think my children have a better life than if I had left them in the orphange without enough food, no individual attention, no hope for an education or a future - in that regards, yes. Do I wish that someone in their birth country would have adopted them - absolutely. Their culture is their birthright. We have to learn how to honor all the ethnic backgrounds that are represented in our family. But it is done with joy and laughter because we respect everyone in our family.

I love my children with my entire heart. I wish I had answers about why they could be raised by their birth-parents. We acknowledge and honor those people as special individuals in all of our lives. Our family includes not only those that live in our home, but also those that do not - the biological parents and extended family of my children. They are unseen, but never forgotten and always honored.

There are unethical adoption practices out there. There are people who adopt for all the wrong reasons and who relinquish their children for wrong reasons as well. Things are changing in the domestic (US) adoption arena, though. Open adoptions, birth-mother counseling (many times resulting in keeping a child), birth mother support after adoption, closer scrutiny into why adoptive parents are seeking this method of expanding a family.
Adoption is not easy. There are wounds that the adoptee will carry around their entire lives. As an adoptive mom, I hurt for my children (because they are my children, regardless of what anti-adoption people want to say) because mothers don't want to see their children hurt. But those wounds can be healed to less painful scars. That is my job - to provide them with the opportunity to develop the tools they need to cope with their past and move towards their future. But then, that is what any parent does - birth or adoptive, isn't it?

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

it ONLY benefits the AP's.

the natural mother loses her child, the baby loses their mother. why is that good?

B. White

I've been surprised by the overall tone of this topic on Y!A as well.

Adoption can match children who need homes with loving parents who can provide these homes. Adoption can be hard on adoptees, even those who find good homes, because it may create feelings of abandonment or create problems fitting into a different family. But many adoptees can resolve these feelings and actually appreciate being adopted. There are cases where biological parents cannot or will not care for their children and adoption becomes best option.

It seems like many who are "anti-adoption" want legislative change. They find adoption agency practices to be predatory. They feel that expecting mothers are pressured into adoption without fully understanding the alternatives. If adoption practices are truly predatory then that should change, mothers and fathers should be fully informed before deciding to terminate parental rights.

However, from some remarks on this forum you would think almost anyone can be a competent parent. I disagree. My parents were foster parents while I was growing up. I met plenty of children who had lived with their biological parents and been treated horribly. This definitely helped shape my view that biological doesn't always equal best when it comes to parenting. My sister was adopted as an infant because her parents were so severely mentally ill that neither could care for her. I also know a teenage mother who was willing to surrender her two babies because her new boyfriend wanted to start a family (without any of those pesky children with a different father hanging around, disgusting). Lastly, I know a mother whose parents looked after her child for five years before the mother's parental rights were terminated. The grandparents wanted so much for the natural mother to take responsibility for her son, but, after 5 years, they officially adopted him because he deserved that permanence and security.

I understand that adoption is permanent and sometimes people use it to solve a temporary problem. However, even with government programs, sometimes it is not feasible for a parent to be able to emotionally and financially support a child. Should a child have to suffer through being in limbo and wait until the parent is actually ready to be a parent? No. A child deserves a permanent, competent home from day one. It would be nice if people were only blessed with the children they could and will truly care for. Unfortunately, this is not reality. And, until it becomes reality, adoption is necessary and can be beneficial.

XXX

Nothing at all is wrong with it. I have a friend that is adopted and thanks God everyday that she was. He adopted parents gave her a life that she would have never known, and recently she found 3 of her sisters, that were also put up for adoption.

For the poster that said it only benefits the adoptive parents, my friend that was placed up for adoption, her mom didn't want her, and didn't care about her. How is her getting a family that loves her rather than staying witht a woman that didn't want her bad?

anonymous

Nothing is wrong with adoption. Adoption was one of the greatest ideas ever had!

Victoria C

My husband, his brother and sisters and my mom are all adopted, I think it is a wonderful thing!

To those of you who gave me a thumbs down, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for a mother who cared enough for a child to see that it got a good home. My in-laws would not have had a family either. I'm not saying that it's an easy process, but a woman has the right to choose to give up that baby for adoption, or take the other way out. I am pro-choice, but again, I'm not a mom. (YET!)

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I have no clue, I was going to ask the same question! Thanks for asking it!

Kimberley

Nothing is wrong with adoption. Plenty of children get adopted and have much better lives than they ever would have had with their biological parents.

div2wice

Yes, the natural mother "loses" her child, however its a choice that SHE made. Natural mothers cannot beat down adoption just because they gave their child up. They got pregnant, they made the decision to give the child up. That does not make adoption wrong, or bad.
Adoption is a blesses both the child, and the adoptive couple, usually a childless couple. Its also the best option if you have a child that you cannot take care of, or do not want. Much better than killing the child by abortion.
As long as the adoption is handled by a legit and caring agency, I see nothing wrong with it, or the process. The only ones I hear talking badly about adoption is the birth mothers, again because they're upset that they gave the child up. Its based on their guilt and emotions, not on the actual process itself.

Jessi

Some people believe that the Adoptive Parents are being greedy because they are taking children from birth mothers or expecting mothers or natural mothers (some people have different names for them and I got yelled at before for saying "birth mothers").

However, yes, it is hard on the mother giving up her child, BUT she decided to give that child up in the first place. I'm not trying to pin it on the expecting, birth or natural mothers, but it is their decision and unless they are being forced against their will to put their child up for adoption, then the Adoptive Parents aren't bad people.

Yes, I believe every mother should keep their child. However, if the mother is not ready to raise a child (financially, too young, etc.)then she should give up her child for the better.

I was a teen mom and I know the pressures of adoption. Everyone thinks your hurting the baby's life by keeping him/her because your young. However, love is strong.

But, some teen moms cannot handle being a mom, which is fine. I had help and maybe some others don't.

There is a radio talk show host, Delilah. She has a foster organization called Point Hope which helps foster children in Africa. She's always saying that, yes, adoption is hard on the mothers that relinquish, however, some mothers that keep their children might give them a hard life of abuse and neglect (and this isn't everyone, just some)and it's better if they are given permanent homes when born.

Adoption isn't wrong. Some people think it is.

But I like to look at it this way: there's adoption or abortion (if you don't want to keep your child.). And I'd rather pick adoption then abortion any day.

Good luck!

dandyPANDYpanda

nothing is wrong with it, and actually i would love to adopt a kid when im an adult
i think some people just arent comfortable about it because they arent blood related to you, yet its not really the blood that counts its the experience

Alexys R

Nothing is wrong with it. My older sister adopted a little 2 (almost 3) year old girl a few weeks ago and it's been going good. She saw her mother today and was so happy and she will see her mom on every holiday and she can talk on the phone to her whenever she wants. I even want to adopt a little girl (or two) soon. I love kids!

AdoreHim

I personally think adoption is wonderful- it gave me and my 2 adopted children a chance at life. Without the option of adoption, the 3 of us could have easily been aborted- because our birth moms knew they could not raise us. When parenting is not an option adoption should be. This is not the say there is not loss with adoption. We personally know the birth mom of our son- and I can tell you she hated herself for a long time for having to place her son with us- however not the way you think. She thought that her son would hate her for doing it. Guess what, my son has only love for his birth mom. For some people adoption can be negative. Some did not have a good relationship with their adopted parents. Some cannot understand why their birth moms "abandoned" them- and some birth moms never get over the loss. All of these reasons are understandable. However, for myself, adoption is LIFE.

crazychickizback

Absolutely nothing! It gives infertile couples the chance to be parents, children a much brighter future, and birth mothers who can't raise kids an alternative to abortion. The reason this forum is so negative is that most people here are birth mothers who wish they had been real mothers but changed their mind too late in the game

Kai

Nothing. The people who are against it seem to be in one of two situations:

1. They are a birth mother who feels guilty that they gave their child up and did not do enough research on the topic.

2. Adoptees who have had a negative experience and feel that all adoptions are bad. They also think that all adoptees are victims and feel pain.

Both try to generalize adoption. Parents who want to adopt are bad, adoptees always suffer, and birthmothers are always the poor woman who was pressured into giving her baby up even though she could have taken care of it. People obviously let their bad experiences cloud their vision of how helpful adoption can be.

timmy

Nothing at all! Adoption is great, it gives people who may not be able to have children on their own a chance to have a child.

Or if they can or have others it allows them to provide a good future for an unwanted child.

ALso giving a child up for adoption is a good alternative if hte parent is not able to care for them.

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