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Birthers are NOT mothers
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I am all for closed adoptions. If the abandoner wanted rights to you , she should have kept you. You don't give away any other earthly possessions and expect to get updates and other benefits. You should have to live with the consequences of your deplorable actions!
They think oh here...raise MY child for me, but I want to but in here and there and tell you how to raise the child, give you parenting advice (LOL!!!), and you tell them that I did it for them...can you imagine...I abandoned you for your own good. Give me a freakin'break!!! When your gone...be gone, until/unless the child comes looking for you! |
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Freckle Face
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Hi Ollie,
Being new here can be such a confusing place to be:)
1) Adoption should be about the children. Children have the right to "know" their biological parents.
2) The child's biological parents are family and not an intrusion.
3) Mirror imaging is so important to young children and often over looked.
4) An adopted child will have two sets of parents forever.
5) The more people to love a child the better.
6) In adoption, both sets of parents should come together and do what is best the for the child involved. Most of the time, an adopted child knowing his/her truth, history, and biological family is what IS best.
I hope i helped. best wishes. |
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Gaia Raain
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How does it benefit the child to purposely cut them off from their own family? Unless the family is dangerous (which is true in very few instances - even in foster care adoption, most kids can still have access to their own families safely), closed adoption is unnecessary. If the child chooses to cut off contact, their wishes should be honored. But to cut off contact without even bothering to care what the child wants and needs - that's just selfish, on the part of the parents. |
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Sofiakat
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I am an Ap who adopted from foster care.
There is something inherently wrong with the separation of a child from a mother. Even in situations of abuse, the child still suffers from the separation. If a mother can not be the primary care-giver of her child for whatever reasons, would it not be important to not strip that mother from the child's' life? What does that teach the child...that the most important people in your life leave, and never come back. Trust me when I say that to a child this is possibly one of the most damaging thing imaginable. I live with the fall-out of this everyday with my son. Look up the effects of broken bonding and attachment on children of all ages. It is sad and scary.
Also, would you not want to know who and where you came from? Would you not wonder who you look like or where you get what talent from. I do believe that there is a blood connection with family that can not be broken and without nurturing this connection a child can feel lost. That being said, I certainly do not mean to diminish the bond and attachment that can be formed between a child and an AP. For all intents and purposes I am my children's' mother. However, I also realize that there is a connection between them and their mum that I have no business in, or have no business interrupting.
besides, the more people in a child's' life that love him or her the better.
In all reality, the child's life story is their life history, nothing to be ashamed of or ignored. |
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Lillie
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Oh Oliie, you poor, naive girl.
I feel sorry for you, I really do.
Better pick out a good therapist for that day when your little bundle of joy goes searching out and reuniting with that "birth" family you tried so desperately hard to deny the existence of. tsk tsk tsk |
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cruzgirlz3
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Wow. Words escape me after reading some of these posts today. Wow.
"You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."
Knowingly keeping a child's truth from them is cruel and unloving. |
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Independ"ant"
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Its going against nature.
Why are so many people that are looking for non biological kids to claim as their own so against Nature.
Trying to force something that is not Natural or blocking nature from taking its course will cause problems no matter what the superficial or imagined benefits by Aps are.
Trying to normalize the unnatural is just wasted energy as well as harmful to the people it will affect the most...The Children. |
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I Love A Child With Autism!!!
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After seeing today's questions, I am awestruck and only able to give short answers.
Because the children are the ones who inevitably suffer...isn't that enough? |
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Mei-Ling
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"If your mother gave you up she decided it was best for you to be raised by another."
Says who? You?
Wow, I didn't realize you managed to contact every adoptee's "birthmother" on here and retain that information. I am amazed at your ability to mindread usernames and automatically obtain that fact that EVERY single adoptee on here was relinquished because their mothers thought "it was best."
How do you DO that? I'd like to know, because if you do have telepathic abilities or a Magic Crystal 8 Ball, maybe it can show me what my past would have been as well!
I didn't realize how personally you knew EVERY mother's thoughts here, either!
Enlighten me! :) |
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myst1998
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What is right with it? Like adoption in general (again, adoption from foster care is never included in my 'general' statements), closed adoptions are ONLY about the adopters and what they want. It is not about the child and what is best for the child. Only adopters who want to pretend they gave birth (oh so gross but there are plenty of these nutters out there) are for closed adoption. As adoption is no longer about providng homes for orphaned children, there really is no necessity for it and especially closed adoptions which are based on lies and fiction. |
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Chabbs
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Just because a mother adopts their child out that does not always mean they want nothing to do with the child. If a mother says its for the better that could mean so many things. I think a mother that carries a baby for 9 months and chooses to adopt the child out is a hard thig to do. She could go other routs. I think it is easier to abort a child then to carry a child for 9 months. In most cases the moms don't have any choice. They don't have money, a place to stay the list could go on and on but Im sure if just because a mom would adopt their child out it does not mean they don't love there child. It's just the best choice at that time for the baby. |
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ladybmw1218
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Most open adoptions don't involve face to face contact at all, only exchanging of letters and pictures. Hard to see this as "intrusive"
In those that do include direct contact, the first parents are not co-parents (unless both sets of parents agree to this), they are akin to other extended family members who keep in contact via phone and email and visit at times. Hard to see this as "intrusive" as well, unless you consider all contact with anyone that is not the child's parents, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles, and family friends as intrusive.
The reason most people who support open adoption do so, is that it seems to be best for the kids. Shouldn't adoption be about what's best for the child?
Some of the pertinent studies can be seen at the following link: http://openadoptionsupport.com/biblio
All that being said, you can't force contact with a first family who doesn't want it, and there are cases to be made against contact in specific situations where it would be dangerous or highly detrimental. My answers on this are regarding open or closed in general. |
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Santa's Lil' Helper
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Our open adoptions have lead to undue emotional stress for the kids. Too many broken promises by their moms.
In theory it seems great put into practices it can emotionally scar children. If you want to parent a child then don't place them for adoption. |
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tinkerbell
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it realy depends on the mother... if the mom is a 19 year old that got prego and had the baby but knew she could not give the baby a good home so she decided to put the baby 4 adoption, but wanted to still see the baby... that is ok to me because who wouldnt want to know who their baby is and how their doing. but if they decide not to know where the baby is going dont you think they would worry for their whole life if theri baby is ok and happy? they wouldnt know |
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kateiskate
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I agree with those who are for closed adoptions myself. I guess I just personally can't see myself ever wanting a situation where the birth parents were still actively involved in the child's life. That doesn't seem like adoption to me. It seems like babysitting to me. Closed adoption served me and a lot of other adoptees well. I also don't think it's right for people who are only for open adoptions to try to make people feel bad for the choice they have made. I agree with you 100 percent on this topic. |
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Ashley F
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well personally i dont think anything is wrong with clsed adoption
but closed adoption is when the mother does not want an update on the childs pictures, health, or anything.
the mother does not get to go visit the child or anything.
so they child will never fully know who his mother is or anything.
but its the mothers decision and she did what she thought was best. |
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Kirstin
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I think that closed adoption is a great thing but I also think that it is nice that someone can still get updates on their biological child, Some woman want to keep their baby but know that they cannot support it or give it the things it needs, So they look into adoption I don't think that open adoption means you are intruding because sometimes the couple who has adopted the child let the child now that they were adopted at birth and that this person who comes around is there biological child. Most the time in adoption the child eventually is told whether it be a closed or open adoption. I know that if I had been adopted at birth I would want to find my parents so I guess open adoption is good for one thing. |
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Winterlieder
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I am all for Close adoption
Closed Adoption: Advantages for Birth Parents
The closed adoption experience is different for each person; however, here is a list of potential advantages with a closed adoption:
Sense of closure- Some birthmothers and birth families report that having a closed adoption provides a sense of closure and enables them to move on with life.
Privacy- Placing a child for adoption is an extremely sensitive and vulnerable choice. Having a closed adoption creates an opportunity for a stronger sense of privacy.
Reduced fear- Some birthmothers are concerned about explaining their choice, and a closed adoption serves as a way to prevent them from a confrontation with a child placed for adoption.
Closed Adoption: Advantages for Adoptive Family
The closed adoption experience is different for every family; however here are potential advantages that you might encounter with a closed adoption:
Family Freedom- If the birth families are not involved, the adoptive family is free to have their family time without restraints of visitations and on-going communication.
Absence of fuzzy boundaries- There is no danger or risk of birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.
Closed Adoption: Advantages for the Adopted Child
The closed adoption experience is different for every child; however, here is a list of potential advantages with a closed adoption:
Absence of fuzzy boundaries- There is no danger or risk of birth parent interference or co-parenting concerns.
Protection from unstable birth families- A closed adoption protects the adopted child from an unstable or emotionally disturbed birth parent or birth family member.
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No Spam
Adult 
Gambling
Unfinished
Deception
Plagiarism
Not English
