What is your experience with an open adoption?

BLW_KAM

In most states, open adoption agreements aren't enforceable by law. Your friends need to know that. Open agreements are honor-based and not all APs honor them.

We have a fully open adoption with our daughter's natural mom and her family. We talk on the phone, e-mail, have a MySpace account and visit each other a few times each year.

It's what my daughter has always known, so it's not like the 800 lb. gorilla in the room. She doesn't seem traumatized or confused by this. She's ten now and she understands who her natural mother is and who her every day nagging mother is.

I don't know how her natural mother feels deep down in her soul. (She's shy and doesn't talk about these things with me.) But I can tell you she beams when she sees her daughter, she posts loving messages on MySpace, and she and I get along great.

Open adoption is still relatively new and there isn't a great quantity of research on it yet. But in my opinion, if all parties honor the agreement, everyone will benefit.

Heather B

Truth transparency and honesty is adoption is a good thing and in the best interests of the child.

Now, growing in the dark not knowing where you came from and having to replace reality with fantasy - that's traumatic!

Open adoption is mandatory in the UK because this is recognized. I think your friends will be just fine with open and honest relationships, which are healthier than secrets and lies.

IDK!!

We never had an agreement drawn up.... it's more of an honor system anyway. What works for us, is when they feel like seeing each other, they see each other, same as you do with other family and friends. We don't plan how many visits or whats allowed. We just do what we do when we can.

Flying Monkey #073177

As long as the adoption is kept open, by all sides, this will most likely work out well BUT the mother has every right to nurse her child AS MANY TIMES AS SHE WANTS TO. Saying she can only nurse once is very manipulative.

John M

Im adopted and at the age of three the Church placed me with my Parents. at five I remember meeting my aunt and uncle for the first time. At 21 I found out I was adopted and that my aunt was my birth mother. My uncle was her husband and not my birth Father.

This worked well for my twin and myself. She was only 14 years older then us and was always around in our life's and parties etc.

I think it was a great way for this to be handled. I got the love of Both Mothers over the years, and they both got my love in return.

I hope this helps you to make up your own mind about adoptions and the open ended way it can be handled.

As for breast feeding; I'm told it is good for the women;s body. I was nursed by a Black Nanny, and to my knowledge my Mother only nursed us once.

Tilden J.

Well this is from a Grandmothers perspective. My daughter, gave my grandson up for adoption, two years ago tomorrow. We live in different States, but we have made four trips to see him The Adoptive parents wanted him to know, as soon as he could understand, that my daughter was his Mother. I have to agree. No child should ever have to wonder, where they come from. I am 35 years old, and I have never met my Biological father. I have spent thousands of hours and dollars trying to work through my own issues. Open adoption was the only way, we would even consider adoption. My Grand Son has enough love to go around, Children are so loyal and loving. He isn't confused at all. I don't know how much he really understands, but he is thriving. We take him on over nights when we visit, and he doesn't cry or get upset. He has a great time. We talk to him as often as he wants via web cam. The most important thing is, that the birth parents be consistent. If they are going to be in the child's life, it is forever. I hope your friends have the same beautiful experience we have had. Remember, when your family grows your blessing multiply. I am truly blessed, and they are also. Best wishes to all.

Timothy B

I am an adoptee. I have always been against open adoptions. One family is enough for the child. When the child is 18 then they can find the bio parents. It has always seemed to me that an open adoption is more for the bio parents guilt than it is for the health of the child.

Julie C

I don't have any experience personally with open adoption, but imagine, if the birth parents are good people, it shouldn't be traumatic, the baby anyway would probably want to know his / her real parents after a certain age. This way the baby may know them from the beginning. On the other hand, if they are really irresponsible, bad people, they may not even want to visit the baby anyway...which seems that all the way around, it is not a problem. And the one time breastfeeding is actually very good, especially for the baby...your friend may even want to make an arrangement where the birht mother pumps milk for the baby..she'll have milk for a while anyway...(and that's if the birth mother really wants to do the right thing...not for the irresponsible one).
And P.S. don't worry so much about your friends, I am sure they have done their research, and if they are comfortable, that's all that matters.

myst1998

Te mother should just keep her baby and raise the child herself and your friends should look into other ways of HELPING children, not seek to erase their past and mothers.

Open and closed adoptions are just yuck.

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