What is your opinion on my personal foster/adoption situation?

Ok heres the deal... In Febuary of 08 my husband and I found out about my 2 siblings, we didnt know they existed before because my bio-Dad (fresh outa prison) never told us, I am 29, 2 siblings and thier sister are 6, 7 & 14. They were taken from their mother in Oct. of 07, Bio-Mom is mentally handicap at a 7 year old level, and cannot make good choices for her children, BTW, my husband and I adore her, we have become very close to the Bio-mom. Sooooooo We immediatly made contact with the children, having overnight visits, and even CPS allowed them to go out of state and we braught them to our house for a week 2 times over the summer, and 1 time we baught their mom to our house with them to visit. We have attended the court hearings, the CFT meetings, and the Foster Care Review Board meetings. We have been Foster Care liscensed since July and are patiently waiting for our October court hearing to have all 3 children placed with us so that my husband and I may adopt them. That is our intent and it is well known to all involved. The Foster Care Review Board, recommended that the 6 & 7 year old come to live with us, they are my biological siblings, and the 14 year old to stay permanent in the foaster care home, the 14 yr old is not my bio-sibling, but we want all 3. The kids lawyer wants the 14 yr old to stay, the Casa wants the 14 yr old to stay, and the 14 yr old herself wants to stay with the fosterparents to stay closer to her mom. UNDERSTANDABLY! Even though we dont agree w/her staying there, because mom is moving FAR AWAY with her boyfriend, but 14 yr old doesnt know that yet. My Bio-siblings, 6 & 7 yr old, want to come live with us, they ask every time we see/call them when they are comming home. What do you think the courts will do? Just looking for opionions... Sorry its soo long!
Additional Details
BTW, The kids case worker has recommended and filed a motion for all 3 children to be placed with us, my husband and I also have 2 children of our own, 6 & 9 yrs old... so holy cow we are gonna have 5 kids total and are soooooooo excited about it!

Looney Tunes

First, someone has to tell the 14 year old that her mother is moving. Her life is a lie until someone gives her all the tools and information for her to make a decision. It is not fair to keep this information from her.

Second, she is 14 years old and her decision and choice SHOULD be respected. When I was 14, a family wanted to take me from the group home and be "permanent" foster parents. I was allowed to make the decision. She is not a child and she should have the right. BUT, she should know the truth.

The courts should listen to her. If the current foster parents are "decent" the courts may keep her where she is. But again, please, please let her know that her mother is moving. Otherwise, it is going to be a big mess ~ she might run away, she might get depressed because she made a decision based on not knowing, etc etc,.

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Thanks for stepping up and caring for your siblings and maintaining a relationship with their bio-mother. Nice job.

almost human

what a great thing you're doing and hope it all works out for you!

i have to admit i'm a little upset nobody's telling the 14 yr. old about the mom's impending move. nothing makes me more hopping mad than when people disempower young people like that. or at the very least, be honest with older children and not blindside them.

i wish all people took sensitivity training about kids in difficult situations. at this point, i would just continue to let the 14 yr. old know how much you enjoy her company, but also that you respect her wishes. as the situation unfolds, hopefully if she changes her mind, staying with you will still be possible.

anyway, you will have quite a lively full house. i'm sure things will work out, since you're preserving and strengthening a family.

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

In my state, the courts would listen to the 14 year old if that child's voice was brought to court either by the child, CASA, guardian ad litem, attorney, worker, etc.

I do no think I would force the issue with the teen at this point. I would leave the door open for when/if minds change.

sam22254

Wow God bless you. I hope the courts listen and let all the children come to your home. If not please don't give up on the 14 year old, you wouldn't want her to go from one foster family to another and there are not enough homes for teenagers anyway. Good luck and god bless you and your family

RoadRunner

Wow that's quite a situation!! You and your husband say you are excited about having the kids under one roof and are excited so I think the situation sounds ideal for the children. If the courts see everything is healthy and the kids are happy then it should go all thru. The 14 year old will have probably more motioning but talk and work with her. If she knows she can still be in contact with her mom and you both think highly of her, that will help. Keep at everything and stay positive and focused. Congrats and hope all works out!

Beckie

In most cases the court will do what is in the best interest of the children. Because that is what there job is. It sound like you could give the children a good home with lots of love. That is the most important thing. I think that it is great the your husband is willing to take on such a big job. I hope that all goes well. Good luck, and God Bless.

Proud

Wow. Very complicated case. I honestly have no idea what the courts will do. I wish you the best of luck though. Best of luck to the children as well. I hope they go to the place that would be best for them in the long run.

- Î±sÎ¹Î± [primary] Ei3 -

Awwwwww you guys are great people! Sry i dont have any idea what the court will do but u guys are awesome!!!

Wundt

So, the issue is the older child, who is (based on your email) the half-sister of the two younger kids, who are your half-siblings.

I am surprised her CASA guardian wants the older girl to stay in foster care. That is usually the least desirable outcome for these cases.

My suggestion... you don't want to force her to move in with you. That will only make her angry and cause behavior problems (running away, lying, etc). She is already a teenager (and we all know what that is like), and so it is only going to get harder over the next couple of years.

Take the two younger kids and let her stay in foster care for the time being. Arrange with CASA, CPS, and whoever for her to come for visits at you occasionally. Perhaps, eventually, she will see that her siblings are happy in their new home and come to the decision herself to come and live with you. She is old enough that she should have some say in her future. Also, if she ends up staying in foster care, continue to be 'there' for her, kids aging out of the foster care system has a tough time, and she may need your help and support even more then than she does now.

me-wa

that is very exciting. You will have alot of work cut out for you. At that age, the kids probably have emotional setbacks that will change things alot and require alot of patience and even unbalance your house for awhile. Especially if you take in a teenager that doesn't want to be there. Things could go pretty rough with that. I am not wanting to be the downer here, I just suggest that you read some books and get some good plan going and do research on what to expect. Other than that, congratulations! I think what you are doing is very cool!

Daisymay

Wow! You guys have big hearts and this world needs your compassionate souls to be cloned! I am also a foster parent and am waiting for a placement and I plan on adopting as well, so I understand the fear that you may not get one of them, because that is a fear of mine as well.
I would think, and hope that the judge would see that the 14 yr old should live with you guys, especially if it means that the 14 yr old gets a chance to reach his/her full potential. When I sat in children's court I noticed the judge leaned towards what was best for the child and not what the parents wanted. I hope you get to adopt him or her so that they don't age out in foster care. Keep me updated! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

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