What is your opinion regarding this woman's story about her international adoption?

Randy B

Her question "Are we bad, selfish people for wanting a child with a normal IQ?" about sums it up for me and she wouldn't like the answer I have for her. Her meeting with the child could have been a retelling of my own with my daughter and we never for one second had any reservations regarding making her our own. We knew about her development, her speech issues and the high likelihood of delays and we had accepted that from the start. Personally, after reading what she had to say I'm glad she didn't adopt. I wish them both well but they are not the kinds of people who should be adopting anywhere, domestic or international.

Jennifer L

There are so many problems with this that it's hard to know where to start. But yeah, it's pretty much a textbook case of what IA parents should NOT be.

SJM

IMO, her expectations are completely unrealistic. She's going to drive her own children crazy. They'll never be able to please her. Thank God she didn't adopt.

Kazi

As a parent who has adopted twice, China and foster care, this woman's tale was screaming red flags. She was clearly unprepared for adoptive parenting, particularly international parenting. There are so many unknowns. Even though we were technically adopting a healthy baby girl, we were well aware that all of the so-called medical reports could be grossly inaccurate and that like a biological child, our adopted daughter may develop problems later on. We forged ahead any way, as we felt we could handle it. We were prepared. We also had a very good agency who ensured their clients were as prepared as anyone could be. It doesn't sound like her agency had any support services available to PAPs.

On the other hand, I commend her for for being honest enough to admit her flaws. I think ultimately it was in the child's best interests that they did not adopt her. This woman sounds like someone who was consumed with the dream baby that she has probably envisioned from the moment she had started trying to conceive. I think that's at the crux. This woman wanted a biological child. I don't think there is any shame in that. I wish more PAPs would do some souls earching before they make the choice to adopt.

I hope that little girl in India found a loving family who accept her and adore her for who she is.

Lauren R

I fear what will happen to this woman if she gives birth to a developmentally-challenged child. To me, that woman was so...delusional? That's not the word I want, but it will have to do. She wants to take one of the few healthy adoptable children out of the country, but not bring the ramifications of that child's birthplace into her home. Ridiculous.

MamaKate

This pretty much sums it up for me:

"I needed a baby....so I tried not to think about the larger ethical issues surrounding international adoption: the extreme poverty that causes girls and women to give up their babies and the global inequalities that lead those babies to homes overseas. Although we couldn't help being excited that our dream of having a child was about to come true, Neil and I knew we were going to benefit from an unwed mother's impossible choice."

UGH!!!

This woman should NEVER adopt. Her own "needs" will ALWAYS overshadow those of ANY children she is "caring" for - no matter what the situation. She has made that ABUNDANTLY clear.

"And yet, we celebrated. How could we not?"

IDK!!

You know I looked for a excerpt to quote, and well, to demonstrate their ignorance, but I would have to copy and paste the whole thing.

This statement given by the doctor "Well she's not sick, so in that sense she's healthy. But research has shown that some children do fine in an orphanage setting and others -- no matter how good the care -- can't handle living in an institutional setting. They crave the intimacy of a parent-child relationship, and without that they start to go downhill, becoming depressed, withdrawn, like animals in a cage. This child was fine when she was born, on the chart for height and weight and head circumference. I consider this a case of failure to thrive."

..... tells me what kind of people they are..... we don't want one of those unloved babies, we want a good one.

What makes them think a healthy baby would want THEM!!!!

Screw 'em

Anha S

the sense of entitlement astounded me. It was all about the parents, not about the child, I hope that poor little girl ended up with a set of parents who weren't so self involved that they could actually see beyond their own nose.

Ethel

You know what, she and her husband were honest and did the right thing for that child. Any child you adopt needs more then some one to save them, they need to someone to love them - the saving comes far to late and without the love giving a home and care isn't enough. It's precisely my knowing my lack of love of those children not biologically related to me that would preclude me adopting, if it were a niece, nephew or grandchild no problem - but not related to me? No way. It would not be fair to a child to be in a home where there was no love, or love that was hard won.

Independ"ant"

I hope she can deal with not having a normal IQ natural child.

At least she is honest about her own low emotional IQ.....and she's not the exception to Paps looking for Perfect Healthy Babies without the momma drama. Many are just like her....adopting domestic and internationally.

Shelby

When I first started reading this article, my first thoughts were that people on here were a bit harsh on the poor woman. I thought she was pretty brave for admitting to her weaknesses. A lot of the thoughts she had would probably be fairly common with first timers in adoption. I know a lot of the things that daunted me in the beginning do not now (after two kids). That is because I now know my limitations and know what I can cope with.

Who hasn't fantasized about how great being a parent is going to be, then find out the reality is a different matter. No matter how many books you read and how much advice you get, nothing prepares you for the real thing.

I agree this woman lives too much in fantasy land. First she fantasized about how perfect her little baby from India was going to be. Then when she found out that her soon to be child may not be so perfect after all, she was probably having nightmares about how bad it was going to be. Maybe if she didn't live in fantasy land so much, she may have realised that adopted children come with baggage and so should have been a bit more realistic about adoption. Also, if she didn't live so much in "la la land" she may also have found that the child may not be as "delayed" as first diagnosed. I know many cases where kids from orphanages are diagnosed as severly delayed, but once they recieved proper love and nurturing develop at a rapid rate.

My only disappointment with this article was the ending. Yep, that woman sure lives in a fairytale, she got her happy ending which made me think that there was no point in the article except being a very dramatic filler just so she could get to the end where she can boast that she did get pregnant afterall. Which is really what she wanted in the first place.

Gotta hand it to her, she always had a Plan B.

Sad!!

cantstopLinnyG

Yuck. I love how she said, "we'd already romanticized India. I'd practiced yoga for a decade, and Neil and I were both interested in Eastern philosophy." HILARIOUS. Like that will make a child ripped from her country feel at ease and normal??? Good God.

Truth be told, Im glad they "rejected" the baby. Even if the child would not have had problems, they seem pretty shallow, and obviously, they are not fit to be parents.

Of course, I feel ALL international adoptions are wrong, but I agree, they do exemplify a certain type of pap.

Neil

Knowing what one is or isn't prepared to deal with is a bad thing? I'm not so sure.

mom to be

At least they knew their limitations. Some people are not ready or able to adopt a child with special needs. In fact there are some bio parents that can not parent a child with special needs. Im glad they figured it out before the adoption went through.

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