What kind of negative effects does adoption have on kids?

Heather B

All I can say is talk to as many adoptees as possible and adoptees ONLY.

There are far too many people out there speaking for and on behalf of adoptees about how it feels to be adopted and the effect of adoption on the adoptee - it's unreal. I mean you wouldn't have a bunch of chinese people sitting around talking about how it feels to be African American, now, would you? KWIM But this is happening in adoption.

That's my only advice, sorry I couldn't be more help.

ETA You have only 4 out of a total of 10 answers so far from actual adoptees. That means 6 non-adopted individuals are trying to tell you how it feels to be adopted. I rest my case.

Possum

Check out the links Sunny gave you.
Me - adopted at birth - always told I was adopted - loving and caring adoptive family.
BUT - I always longed to know about my family of origin - and never felt like a totally fit in.
I've struggled with conflicting feelings my whole life.
It's hard knowing that you love your adoptive family like crazy - but still having these deep deep needs to want to know that part of you that you were always denied.
And then there's the gut wrenching fear that you'll be rejected by your family of birth if you actually gain the courage to search - coupled with the gut wrenching fear that your adoptive family will hate you for wanting to search.
(not to mention what every man and his dog decides to tell you in between - as adoptees are told often - by all and sundry - how they should feel about their own adoption)
Sure - not all adoptees feel this way - but I personally know hundreds that do.
I've now found my first family - and know even more what I missed out on - such as - the genetic mirroring (I've finally found people that look and act just like me - with similar tastes and talents) - a sense of who I am and where I came from - a history.
I was essentially taken from one family - and plonked into a family of complete, unrelated strangers.
Most parents with kept children would never write in their wills that upon death, their children should be given away to strangers.
It's weird. When it's not completely necessary - I believe it's wrong.
If it really needs to happen (adoption) - then the adoptee should be allowed to know their full truth - and know personally (if possible) their bio family.

Lizzy E

I was adopted and I'm 13 now. I've always had seperation anxioty and I think that being adopted had something to do with that. Also sometimes it can hurt you to think why wouldn't she want me and stuff

I was adopted in this country and I know my birthmom. I hate her. if you have any questions than email me and I'll write it out the WHOLE story for u

sam22254

This story is about my son and what a adoption agency as most of you knows is LDS family services. They failed to inform him of the coming birth of his son. the wonderful social worker talked more with the birth mother's boyfriend and his mother and a couple of times with the birth mother and just left the father of the child out. They hoped he wouldn't hear about the state restrity to claim that would stop the adoption. He found out about his son 2 days before his birth and then the child was taken out of the area on July 4, 2 days latter. Also the couple are family members of the birth mother's boyfriend. Wonderful. As it stands father's in America have no rights to their children.
The father get's visitation for right now and his son calls him dad. But this almost 3 years old studders and you can already tell he has problems a detachment order. Sad this child should have been with the father since the mother didn't want him. And the couple have done harm to the baby trying to keep him away from his real family. Look up details

honestbutevil

I can't pinpoint exactly when I knew I was adopted, I just sort of always knew. It's been up and down. My parents are great, and I have a really good relationship with my dad, we talk about almost everything. But I can't get over the feeling of being abandoned by my birth mother. I suffer from depression because of it, have attempted suicide, find it difficult to talk to people or trust them, and I became very 'anti' for a while (whatever my parents wanted me to do I did exactly the oppposite because they weren't my real parents). My dad told me I was nearly identical to Her, so I dyed my hair and was going to get coloured contacts. There are days when I think she ruined my life, or rather what could have been my life and days when I think she did the right thing. But now that I have kids of my own I don't understand hoe she could have given me up. Mostly these days I try not to care and find myself failing.

Having said that, I have had a fairly happy childhood and I have incredibly supportive parents but adoption affects everyone in different ways. My little brother who is also adopted feels nothing like me, for him the whole thing was a very positive experience.

sup

I am an adult adoptee. I had 2 older sisters and I think the reason I was adopted was because my a-mom was a guilt ridden catholic who felt she had to keep up with her older sisters who had previously adopted and then my a-dad who wanted a boy. They adopted me when they were in their early 20's and didn't know who they were yet. They divorced when I was just two. I have always felt as an outsider my whole life and have never really felt emotionally conntected to people. Now I don't really have any realtionships with any of my family and I don't desire to. I have issues that will probably never be worked out. For somre reason I really don't have the desire to contact my biologicals. I think I just don't want to deal with more realatives at this point.

daydream_galaxy

I was told that i was adopted at age 7 and I was read a book, my first thought at that age was that I was living with strangers , it sent me on a rebelious path that ended with me trying to kill myself at age 12 , believeing that I wasnt good enough for my own mother,, I wasnt ok, until I found my birth mother when i was 18 and found out that she could not fill the void that i had always felt in my heart. I felt unwanted, even though i was wanted by my adoptive parents, if I had my choice, I would have been raised knowing that I was adopted, instead of it being thrown on me in 2nd grade. I belive that if it had been something that I didnt feel was hidden from me then I would have had a beeter time with it.

tequila579

I am a 23 year old female who was adopted at age 15 and I had a very positive experience. I knew my birth mother all my life and I had exposure to her, but she didn't raise me. I lived with my grandparents most of my life, with a few breaks in between during my rebellious years. I think any negative effects I have had in adulthood were caused by traumatic experiences that occurred during my childhood, not by the adoption itself. Being adopted at 15 years old is alot different than being adopted as a baby. My adoptive mother has shown me more love and patience within the last 8 years than my birth mother has shown me in my entire life. If anything, the adoption has had a positive effect on my life because I found out that there was someone who loves me regardless of what may happen. Even to this day, my adoptive mom is my Mom. And guess what? I'm African American and my adoptive family is Italian.

lochmessy

I can give you experience as being an adopted person, and what I see in the two children who I am very close to who are adopted. I am an adult, getting close to 60 and am an only child and my parents have been gone for about 7 years, but my my mother came from a huge family and their loss has not made a change in how my family treats me. Sorry, but I don't see any negative affective's on being adopted. My parents were always quick to tell me I was the "chosen Child". I see the same with my cousin who couldn't have children and she and her husband adopted a mulatto child, and couldn't be happier Their child is still young. The last group is one of my closest friends. Probably brought
together somewhat while while they waited for the baby to be delivered. 15 years later looking at the family ot
s a family that was meant to be. again no negatives either in any of these stories. Adoption is not a bad thing.

Cookie

I was adopted when I was 5 days old. To me adoption was a wonderful experience. I grew up in a loving family and had every opportunity they could give me. I met my birth mom when I was about 25. She made a wonderul decision and I wanted to thank her for the great family I was able to grow up in. All in all, there were no negatives for me. I think adoption is wonderful.

AdoreHim

I am sure you are going to get mostly negative effects from here- however from me you will not= I am adopted and it has had no ill effects on me- and don't say I am in denial, I am not. I am almost 50 and not once did I think I was abandoned by my birth mom- as a matter of fact I am very thankful for her decision to place me , because for whatever she could not raise me, and then my hubby and I adopted 2 children 16 and 19 years old. My two children love being adopted- my son has always wanted to meet his birth mom- and did last year-

akbutner2

I agree if this is a persuasive paper on the negatives of adoption than you should stick to that, however if it is a research paper I would recommend talking to as many adoptees as possible. Some have negative experiences where others have positive experiences. I for one had a positive one. I was adopted at birth and found out about being adopted at 5 when I asked if I was. It was always treated as a open subject but not one to set me a part from the rest of the family. I had two siblings of which I was never treated any differently. I lived a normal life if compared to other non-adopted children. Some adoptees have feelings of resentment, anger, hurt and those are valid to their experiences. Please don't forget about both sides. As far as whether adoptive parents can speak to this I believe they can provide an interesting perspective. You will also need that info as you included that as part of your paper's perspective. They have watched their children and know how it has or has not effected them (or at least in most cases). Good luck with your paper.

Carlette D

Children loses their parents and biological family when they get adopted into another family. I think it depends how old the child is and then you can relate to how they will treat you. Some adopted children will disrespect you and things like that.

Marie C

There are so many answers to this question, and all of them are correct! Some adoptive parents (like me) will tell you that adoption was the very best thing that ever happened in their lives, that their children are treasures, and that they will be eternally grateful to have these incredible kids in their lives. Others will say that their adopted children brought them all kinds of misery and suffering, and that they had many regrets about going down this road.

Some adopted children (like many on this forum) will say that their entire lives are consumed by thoughts of their birth parents, and by thoughts of what their lives would have been like if they had remained in their original families. Others will say that aside from a mild curiosity, they have little feeling about their birth parents, and are happy and content in their adoptive families.

As for birth families, I have no experience in this area, but I'm sure you will hear from others that the majority of birth mothers will always regret giving up their child, even if it was the "most sensible" thing to do at that moment in time. All of them think of the child every day, and pray for a reunion at some point so that at the very least, they know their child is happy and content.

Sophie

You should do an online search for the topic. I'm sure you'll find many informational websites. The effects are both bad and good, please don't forget about the "good" side of adoption unless you are doing a persuasive piece against adoption.

The effects of adoption depends on how it is handled from parent to child. My brother was adopted and told from birth on through stories and things and never had a problem with it. Its something that should be treated as a fact of life but not a defining factor

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