What was it like to go to foster adoption orientation?

Randy B

The orientation is just that, an orientation and information session. They will explain things to you and give you a chance to ask all the questions you want. Don't worry about them sounding like silly questions because I am sure they have heard them all...and then some, before. Just be respectful and mindful of what you are looking to get involved with. Ask about your concerns and listen to what others ask and the answers they get. I'm sure you will be both enlightened and relieved to hear how things will work should you choose to get involved further. Everyone has questions and concerns and, while some are unfounded concerns, it just makes the need for the info sessions all that more important.

My wife and I were originally under the impression we could not "foster to adopt" due to my active duty military status and that we would be restricted to short term fostering or go on the list for straight adoption which could have taken years. It wasn't until near the end of the info session/orientation that I finely asked the question and we were pleasantly surprised to learn that we had been misinformed and we most certainly could foster to adopt. As it turns out we had a placement the first day after our file was completed and approved (6 months after we first started the process) and things have been grand since. (everyone's experiences and time lines are different though).

Go there with an open mind. Have your questions and concerns written down so you don't forget something and then you can decide if it's something you are able to take on and do.

Opedial

Hi,

First, it does sound like you will get quite a bit of education. The orientation is just that, orientation, to give all the information. First of all, they will teach you about broken families and the cycle of poverty and abuse. They will teach you about the loss the children go through. Only when you can have compassion for the WHOLE family can you truly be a good foster parent.

My suggestion is go, and do more work and studying. I think you will be surprised and challenged in your own beliefs, which is okay, that is why they have the orientation.

What people need to remember is that when you are a foster parent you are NOT the parent, in fact not even the legal guardian. The state is. You are an agency of the state and as such become part of a huge complex system that will give you headache after headache, when you will have little say on the children you are caring for, but in the end it is supposed to be that way. Foster care is about temporary homes while the family of origin works to get their children back, and if not, then on finding them permanent homes.

Also, you can suggest the age range, just as you said, and they will advise you. What people do NOT like to do is called "twinning", where they place a child of the same age at your house, like a false twin. There are many studies out on that.

So best of luck, but I would ease upon the jumping to conclusions on why the children are in care. Not all are there due to abuse, and we can't make huge judgements on the parents. We are here to help, not to judge.

Sofiakat

Heya,
I actually volunteer to give talks at these seminars in Ontario.
They basically cover what kids need homes, where they come from, how fostering works and how adoption works and how fostering with a view to adopt works. Do not feel shy about what you want to do. If you want to adopt then say so. It is much better to be upfront. Honesty is the best policy. They usually have a foster parent or adopted parent come and talk about their experience and there is a Q&A after. Sometimes they show some profiles of kids. These kids are usually hard-to-adopt kids, older, disabled, etc...as these are the kids that really need homes. Just show up, be honest, ask questions.

Looney Tunes

Well in defense of this person.....my bio-parents were crazy and they were abusive and one of them went to jail because of it...That makes them ******-up too. And every other name I could possibly write.

Now, only one foster parents ever said that to me when I was a kid, because truefully a foster/adoptive parent should not be negating the bio-parents....But truthfully....after being in a "safe and normal home" I realized at age 7-8-9 that my bio-parents were ****** up.

So, what's the question????

Oh yeah.

Look, here is foster care for you:
50-60% are reunited with their families
20-30% are NEVER reunited with their families and can be adopted

You can adopt NOW from that 20-30% of kids. Those kids are "legally free" and waiting for a family right now.

BUT, there are also other children that many states call "high risk" in the sense that most likely they will become "legally free," (and termination of parental rights will definitly occur) BUT it has not happened while you get the child. Therefore, it is not 100% that the child will be made available for adoption...another family member might come forward, the bio-parents might start really working hard to get their children back, etc.

The ONLY way you can be sure to adopt a child is to agree to take children that are "legally free." (where parents rights have been terminated)

======
As for age....since you want the "prized baby" ~ you might have to wait along time. See, most of the children who are free for adoption are older that is because:

1) TPR can only happen after a child has been in care 15 of 22 consequective months or the abuse was severe that everyone knows the child won't go back
2) The average age of going into care is 7-8. It is ALOT easier to find neglect and abuse in school-age children.

At first I was excited to see the question, but then when I saw the age you are looking for........you will probably be moving on into private adoption or IA. Sigh.

LovetheLORDfirst

No matter your religion, I recommend Associated Catholic Charities. They have a program called voluntary adoption (I think that's the name.) in which you would be adopting a baby or young child. If you don't feel ready to foster, don't foster. This program is Extremely low cost.

Foster/ adoption orientation classes are easy and fun. Raise your child in the way you believe is right and have some confidence. The agencies are not out to "get you!"

In addition, I hope you have and continue to pray a lot about all of this. Do what you believe you are called to do and nothing else. There is no need for adoptive parents of babies and children under 6, so if you're doing it to "help," think again. I'm not trying to be insulting, just realistic. People waiting for babies and young children are on a waiting list. Older children, 7 and older, on the other hand, truly need homes and are rarely adopted. The agency will give you a thick file to read on any child you are interested in after you are certified; you can go on-line to view their simple profiles in the meantime. A lot of these kids are good kids, hurt kids, but good kids.

Just food for thought.

Ariana

Well there are two different things, Foster Parenting is more of a Temporal Home for babies and children of different ages, most of them do come from unfit parents and have a myriad of issues-just stating facts here. It's not that the kids are sad some have emotional, behavioural problems, some are even special needs. The goal of Foster parent is to give a child a stable home while the situation with his bio-parents is resolved. The children are looked after in a nice, stable and loving home and try to heal. Some kids do go back to their bio-parents some dont, some go back with relatives, etc.

If you are interested in parenting another child that is younger than yours you're talking about a baby and about ADOPTION. Which is an entirely different thing, that is permanent.
As for your child's place in your family it wont change because you adopt or foster an older child, she'll always be your biological child and she can help in different ways. If you foster an older child it might be beneficial to be around a little one. And for your child to have an older sibling is also very nice.
You can also wait a couple of years till your child is older and understands more of what you're planning to do, by age 4 your child will know she's your daughter and that you're planning to bring another kid into the home that is not related to her etc etc... Plus it'll be easier on you, having an older child and then a foster kid who might have some issues...
I think you should clearly find out what is it that you really want, what can you take emotionally and what not, and take it from there...

Good Luck!

SagaSue

We attended pre-adoption classes in the UK. The classes were really constructive and we made some great friends, which helped us all, because we have other people to bounce ideas off when we're not sure what to do.

The classes do tend to emphasise the 'worst case' scenario, because they want to make sure that you are serious, and that you understand the implications of what you are doing. We went into the process with fixed ideas about the age of child, etc., and our daughter (who was 5 when we adopted her, and is 14 this weekend) was the complete opposite of everything we had said. We love her to bits, even now that she is a stroppy teenager. She has enriched our lives, and we hope that we've not been too bad from her point of view! Good luck and I hope you succeed.

One thing worth remembering is that the whole adoption process has enormous highs and lows. It can be very emotionally draining, and you need to make sure that you still have the time for your 2 year old.

maybe

"Is there an adoption etiquette book?"

Yes, there is, and the first rule is to never refer to your adopted children's parents as crazy.

Just imagine how that would make a child feel! Even if their parents were abusive, etc., no child wants to hear them denigrated in that manner.

Mom to Foster Children

OMG - as an adoptive parent I am embarrased to read this. My son's parents were not crazy and I have sent children back home to parents who have busted their A$$ to get them back. It's not 1 month of sobriety - it took her three freaking years of working her case plan. Adoption is about finding children homes where they need homes. If you want a child under two then I suggest you do a private adoption - and I won't even go into why -

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