What would the benefits be of adopting my stepchildren?

indydst8

You would have legal standing in their lives that wouldn't be challenged if something happened to your husband. Even if he asked for you to take care of them in his will if you hadn't adopted them they could be sent back to their mother. Or if she refused to take them there's a potential they would go to another family member or foster care.

Sydmom

I think they would feel more loved and accepted by you. Even though you have basically been their mom.. a ceremony is quite a big thing to a kid.

Still Me

The most obvious advantage is that it gives the children a sense of permanency, no matter how old they are. Especially if they have infrequent contact with their bio mother. Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually -- it could mean the world to the children. Maybe not even now, but years from now even. (You don't say their ages.)

In the years to come, it will also give them possible financial security, as they have the ability to inherit from you both.

If the children are pre-teen or teen aged, it would be wise to have a family discussion about this plan, as some children might prefer to remain under their bio mother's name and/or legal custody.

And I agree -- the term "step" is for lawyers! If you have parented them since they were little, and have committed to the care and protection of them -- they are already "yours". They can have two moms, and that is o.k. too. You would want to make sure they understand that there is no disrespect to their bio mom in this process, too. That is the best way to honor children -- honor the entire child!

Susan D

If your husband should die, you would get custody of the kids. If you have not adopted them and your husband dies, then their mother would get custody of them or a next of kin (which you are not).

If you husband becomes disabled and is unable to care of the kids, the mom could get custody of them. (what if your husband goes into a coma; or is in the hospital for 6 months).

If you adopt the kids, they will become your children and you will be able to make legal decisions for the children, such as on school/medical and legal issues. You could file a lawsuit on their behalf; you could manage any money they become entitled to.

Also, if you and your husband divorce, you would be entitled to custody and/or visitation of the children. If you have not adopted them, you have no legal right to custody or visitation with them. I know, you're thinking that your husband would never keep you from seeing the kids because he loves his kids and wants them to be happy, but people do strange and unexpected things to hurt their exes while in the middle of a divorce AND if he gets remarried or starts seeing someone else, she may decide that you have no right to the kids and she may want him to keep them from you. That may be enough for him to do it.

If it were me, I'd go ahead and spend the money just so I would have the peace of mind of not losing my kids.

If you successfully adopt the kids, their biological mother would have no right to visit with them (if she does now), but I would not recommend cutting off visitation if they are use to seeing her (even sporadically) unless it is detrimental to their health. If you try to sever ties, they will hold that against you for the rest of their lives. They know how their mother is and they won't forget.

Scooter

EVERYTHING! Advantages and there are disadvantages. As long as you can be sure not to treat them any different .
I am a man and I adopted my oldest daughter which was my step daughter AFTER her mother and I divorced because she has always looked at me as her dad since the age of 3. She is now 16! Plus after the divorce she wanted to live with me.
I just went and got her, her first car . She smiled from ear to ear . That's one of the advantages of it, Just loving and making a kid smile.....

demonsgirl816

Well, do you love them? That should be advantage enough.

yay. it's me. [[VT!]]

My stepgrandfather always thought of my mother and her siblings as "his" children; the word, "step," was NEVER a part of his vocabulary. He was always respectful of the children's biological father, but consider the children to be his own, as well.

Unless they'll spend enough time with you that you'd need to act as parent/guardian, such as filling out school forms, visits to the doctor; etc... you don't need to adopt them. If you love them, that should be enough.

Bill H

If what you will do will help the kids, do it.

If what you do will be taken for granted by the kids, stop.

SKITTLES

I am in the process of adopting my stepdaughter. I have raised her for the last 5 years-and for brief periods before that when mom would leave her to go "find herself"
I wanted to adopt because if something should happen to my husband I dont want her to be taken out of my house and put back with her mother. It would kill me. It would kill the other kids to lose their sister. This way she can never be taken away from me or them. It also gives her a sense of stability. Knowing that she never has to leave or will never be sent back to live with her mom. Peace of mind is worth more than money any day!

Barbarita

If you were a step child, wouldn't you like to know that the people you know as parents care enough to give you their name? LOL Barb

BPD Wife

Adopting a child means that they are yours completely - as if you had given birth to them. You receive all of the rights that a biological parent would have. Many step-parents do not feel a need to adopt the children because it will not really change things in their home. However, what you need to remember is that it legally changes things in your favor.

A friend of mine raised three step-children as her own and never felt a need to adopt them because "nothing would change" in her eyes. However, her husband recently passed away quite unexpectedly. Sadly, she lost custody of the children she had raised because the biological mother chose to exercise her rights to the children. Had my friend known what she does today, she would have made an attempt to adopt the children.

Good luck to you.

55yrsnholdin

Legally, they become your children, your dependents. You are no longer step-mom. Their birth certificates state that you are the actual parent.You no longer have to cope with outside wishes of the biological mother. It gives the kids the security of knowing where they belong. If the biological mom is in agreement, the cost is considerably less.

Just call me "J"

The biggest benefit would be that they would know how much you really love them. I am sure there are legallities that make sense as well. My dad adopted me and my sister's when we were very yound. I think he is the most noble man I have ever met.

Jena W

it would bring them stability and reassurance that you aren't going anywhere...

April

Oh I think that would be amazing. It would give your step children the knowlege you truly truly want them to be your kids. Im sure they already know that but, it is an extra special way to show them. It might make them feel more secure not that they dont now. But, Im sure it can help as they grow older. Good luck with your choice.

Clodette Gainsbourg

For you? No benefit, unless you actually really love and care for them.
They would become a liability to you. Too much responsability. Kids should be their mother's problem.
I would never adopt any of my step kids.

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