What would you do...?

Flying Monkey #073177

I would make my way over to this forum and talk with others who have had similar experiences.

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php

Independ"ant"

I would talk to them and get what info you can. You may regret it later after they die.

I'm sure they're living in guilt for lying to you all these years......if they have a conscience.

kitta

I am not adopted, but there were certain irregularities about my own background that I was not told. I always suspected there was "something" in the past and it hurt me as a child.

When I found out, I did ask my parents for more of an explanation. They were elderly. It was painful, but clearing the air and getting the foundations for why I was treated the way I was, was important.

And it did help my relationship with my parents. It also cleared up some conflicts that I had with sibs.

IMO, you have a right to know. Your heritage belongs to you, and if they know things about it, they should tell you.They no doubt have documents as well. or maybe you already have those.

Dancegirl8

I would confront them, I would be furious!

furfur

I am not an adoptee, but I would like to think I would confront them as I would want information, at the bare minimum about how that came to be and medical records.

BrenRich101

Hard choice. If you're ok with it, I think it may be best telling them, and also mention you're ok with it. On the other hand, yes you could let the sleeping dogs lie, but do you think it may play on your mind a lot after they've gone? Something to think about, having a burden like that on your mind.

Opedial

I confronted my parents about my dad lying to me about my rabbit "running away' when in fact he rabbit was on the lawn and ate the grass while after he fertilized it, so yep I could confront them if I were adopted!!!

BOTZ

I would confront them. I would pester them and bother them and milk them for every drop of information I could get. I would 'guilt' them in every way I could think of to give up every teeny, tiny thing they have been holding on to. I would cry, scream, cajole, taunt, aggravate and get in their faces. I would ask them for everything 20 times and every time I got something and they told me that was all, I would just say, "What else?" over and over and over.

When I was sure I had it all...or all that I could or would ever get...I would be done with them and never speak to them again!

myst1998

Hi...

I know some people who have been in this position and it is difficult.

Bearing in mind they are elderly, I would approach them gently rather than confront them... do you know what I mean? Let them know you are aware of your adoption and out of respect to them you are telling them you are aware. Ask them what they know but if they decide they won't talk to you about it then again, gently tell them that although you still love them etc, you do want to know more about your information and you will be seeking it.

It is not right to withhold information and although they are elderly now, thely made this decision earlier in their lives. All decisions eventually have some consequences... reactions. Some are immediate and some come later as in this case.

All the best.

SJM

I would never speak to them again. Honestly. Never.

ETA: Wow, you guys are way more forgiving than me. An eye for an eye. If they pretended my family didn't exist, I would return the favor--at least for 30 some years.

Rainia W

I woudl confront them. Being elderly doesn't make them children who can't handle confrontation.

That being said, I wouldn't want to fight about it. You never know when they might pass on, and I would hate to think the last thing I did with my parents was argue or fight. I would want to know the truth though.

justdes

u have every right to know, just approach it with great caution, oh and have 911 on speed dial

tattooedgemini

confront is a strong word. i would probably ask them about it though. i'd want to know what they know and why they didn't let me know sooner. at the same time i'd want to tell them that i still loved them and don't see them as any less of a parent to me knowing it. that's just me though, it depends on your relationship with them. they are probably old school and told not to tell you because it would cause you pain.

jane k

It would depend on your relationship with them. Are you sure they don't know you know? If they just can't talk about it then if you were to bring the subject up gently, in a really nonthreatening way without any recriminations I think they might open up to you. Perhaps it could be approached by going around the subject rather than a direct question or demand.
I don't know really but I do know it can bedifficult for parents to talk with their children frankly, whether or not they are adopted. Sometimes the opportunities just don't come up.
Best wishes.

Chaos

Watch a movie with the same scenario... I dunno, I guess if you can find what you need to forgive them it would be good. Try to be understanding of them. They shouldn't of lied to you tho.

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