What would you do for your child?

So I see a lot of people on here saying that they are not happy with being adopted. You know the love of the adopted family maybe wasn't enough. So how would you propose a parent handle it when a woman is keeping the pregnancy, solely because she want to help people she knows can't have children? Since she decided to stay pregnant she tells everyone she is not car ring her child. So here the thing. The lucky people who will be blessed with this little life will know the woman but she does not want the child to know she carried the baby. Everyone says they want to know their Bio family, but what do you do when the bio family considers the child the family of a close friend?
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I am wondering from the point of view of my friend the adoptive mom. She has no problem with the truth, but you must understand that the birth mother is the one who wants it this way. The adoptive mom is just wondering how she will handle it when her child ask. I mean lets say she tells the child, they get excited only to find that the bio parents want nothing to do with them. What is a mother or father to do for their child when this happens?

HappyMomAnna

These LIES are almost always disclosed along the way--It would be horrible if this child didn't learn the truth from those people who are responsible to tell the truth. In this time and age it should be a crime to even think the truth wouldn't come out...

In Oregon where the records have been open--the reasons for the adoption and the feelings of those involved Don't Matter. Hopefully, one day All Adoptees will have the right to their Original Birth Certificates and if those of us who belive it matters have Our way that will happen Yesterday!

That's what I would say!

Heather B

'She doesn't want the child to know she carried the baby'

I'd say secrets and lies in families are toxic

drkangel210e

It's wrong to lie to someone about where they came from. I know you mean well, but there are emotional ramifications to adoption that most people can't comprehend. Sure, some adoptees don't experience any problems, but many do.

There was a point at which my sister-in-law wanted my husband and I to adopt her baby when it was born. The father was abusive, she was trying to put herself through school, she was 18 years old, and it was her second baby in less than a year. She didn't want to get an abortion, but she also didn't want to give the baby to a stranger. We agreed, but told her to wait and really think over her decision. As a family, we all could have very easily lied to the child if we had adopted her, but I refused to go along with that because I know the harm that can do. If anything, I would have wanted the little girl to be around my sister-in-law as much as possible. (Luckily, we were able to help her out in other ways and convinced her to keep the second baby.)

Don't lie just to make your lives easier. It's not doing anyone any favors.

cantstopLinnyG

I would consider it child abuse and a train wreck of epic proportions.

Carol c

This is the problem with the entire adoption system as it's been practiced over the years - secrets and lies. It is cruel to not tell a child who their first parents are. It's unhealthy and selfish on the part of both of the mother in this case to deny her own child the truth of their origins and adoptive parents who would participate in such a farce. What's wrong with the truth? I believe if you bring a human being into the world, they are owed their truth. If the bio parents as you call them are not interested in a relationship down the road; at least the child has their truth and can see photos, etc. Anyone can handle the truth.

Mei-Ling

I realize that Cantstop is perfectly capable of defending herself, but I'd like to counter something in response to the OP's edit:

"I can't help but think you should be pleased you have so many people in your life who love you."

I can't help but think Cantstop should NOT have been separated from her family to begin with.

Amber fg

I agree that lying is wrong. This child will find out the truth from some jacka$$ who doesn't know when to shut up, and it will be devastating! It is far better to let the child know who they are and where they came from.

I have 2 adopted kids. I have told them since they were too young to even understand that they grew in a women named Melissa's tummy and a boy named Shane put them in her tummy. I told them that they gave them to me to be their mommy because they couldn't take care of them. My kids never remember being told they were adopted, they say that they just always knew. People love to talk about it in front of them so they might as well know the truth. Unless this adoptive mom fakes a pregnancy and never tells a living sole including her family that the baby is adopted it will come up in conversation.

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