What would you do if you were..?

Swa

Adoption, hands down.

Adoption is a very loving answer and a mature decision when you want your baby to have a healthy life that you won't be able to give it.
I'm adopted. I'm now 20, almost 21. Had I not been adopted I know I would have never had the opportunity to live and even go on to college myself.

Putting your child in a home that can give them more than you could doesn't mean you don't love or care about your child at all. In fact, I think it's the opposite. It's a very selfless thing to do.

rachael

I WAS
18
had a baby already
no job
no insurance
father suddenly 'forgot' who i was
i didnt love him
i made a mistake
i still wanted to go to college
i still wanted to do teen stuff
i was an emotional wreck, including coming out of being a raging drunk
adoption came to mind

so we are pretty close as far as the story goes. i kept my baby. i took responsibility even though there were people out there that had more money to take care of her.
i did struggle
i WAS strong enough

a raging little drunk in a little hick town, confused about her own identity and path in life.
boy did we struggle. we did wear top notch clothing. i missed tons of parties. i didnt make it to a university. i missed out on almost every dream and goal i had for myself.

AND I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN. my daughter is now 18 herself. beautiful, intelligent and uber strong willed. she has more sense of how the real world is because of her upbringing and is not one of those snobby 'look down her nose at others' type. she sees people for what they truly are.

you want opinions and comments? heres mine.
if an adoptee that is lost in a bad place in her life can pick herself up and raise a child, if someone that was considered to be hopeless can turn it around and produce someone that is as independant and stable, then i think if you want this kid you can do it too.
im nothing special, trust me. i was scared, alone, broke and immature. but we made it.

either way, good luck. i hope you make the right choices.

Jennifer L

People who don't want to be parents and KNOW they don't want to be parents shouldn't become parents.

Everything else is doable: the age of the girl, the lack of money, the lack of support, all of these things can be overcome.

But the stickler is, does the young woman in question WANT to be a parent at this time?

kateiskate

I agree with Happy to be Her Mommy.

Instead of being selfish and only focusing on the negative things and the things you want, focus on the child that YOU made. You are responsible for this child, you created it. You have a responsibility to take care of it to the best of your ability. You made this baby. You made the choice not to have an abortion.

When I measure up the lack of material things against the lack of my mother, the lack of material things is tiny compared to the loss and absence of my mother. While I love my adoptive mom, our relationship is not the same as the primal biological relationship that is shared between mother and child. Why would you inflict the "primal wound" on your child? Because you are low income, don't have insurance, and want to go to college?? All of those things are still possible with your child. You just have to be willing and prideless enough to accept the help that is out there.

I think it would be greater for a child to grow up seeing his mother work hard to provide for it and put herself through college than sit back in a cushy life with adoptive parents who provide for his every whim. He would grow up with more character knowing that all things really worth having require hard work and blood, sweat and tears.

TerraMere

Look at it from all angles and do what will be best for the child in the long run...whatever you believe in your heart that is.

Good luck.

~ T

Kazi

Not every woman wants to be a mother. And if that's the case, then she can choose adoption. However, I would want this woman to wait until after the baby is born to make that decision as often feelings change once the baby is no longer a concept and becomes a living breathing person.

Lisa

I had my son while I was in college. I was 21 and barely even knew his father..oops. I kept him. broke my parents hearts, struggled with money, took a little longer to finish school. I think having my son was the best choice I ever made. 4 years later my friends are all having babies, my parents adore my son and I am done with school and financially stable. You will struggle either way. Is your baby worth it? Mine was..I will never regret keeping my baby.
1)call the Department of social service. There are state programs...immediately..adoption or not you will still have a hospital bill.
2)get a job, part time if u need
3)find a few good friends to babysit
If you get a job at a daycare center you can get employee discount on childcare and health insurance.

Philippa

Find out what 'help' and support you can get, go to college as planned, ditch father if you don't want to be with him but give him a chance to be a dad as it could be the making of him to prove he can be a decent person.

Best advice is to look at your options, be honest about how you feel but don't make your final decision till after the baby is born as how you feel will change and you are scared. You will either decide adoption is the best options so do it on your terms or you will decide that it's something you don't want to do.

You're more than welcome to get in touch with me for unbiased support and to join www.touchedbyadoptionforums.com - I was coerced into surrendering my son so completely different scenario but the point is I do know what it is like not to raise my child.

sam22254

Poor Baby. Should have used birth control, Tell the father he couldn't be any worse than your self you picked him out. He just might be your answer. He just might want to raise his child and let you walk away. My son and his ex has a daughter that is 5 and she gave the son away He is 3 now. She didn't want the baby but didn't want to lose child support on the daughter. Today my son has his daughter more than she does not because a court gave that to him she doesn't want the child on the weekends or Holiday which his great for him and he has been fighting for 3 years to get his son back. The daughter still hasn't figure out why her brother lives 3 states away and she only get to see him in the summer and christmas. Just wonder how she is going to feel when she gets older and understands about adoption.
Is she going to think her mother was this wonderful mother that only care for herself instead of her children.

chrissy

look inside of you sit down and think what comes to your mind and you find the answer I'm 24 about to have #4 I love my kids if you keep it you will to if you give it up its because you feel its right for the both of you I had to make tough decisions in my life I pick the right ones for and you will to keep your head up

Princess S

For The Babies Health (not saying your a bad mother btw) Put It into care but keep in touch. You say there is no money coming into the house, I have never been like that, but it must be hard. Whatever you do Keep close to your child, even if you don't keep him/her yourself.

Good Luck

Oh and if you don't love him, Tell him straight, try not to hurt his feelings and hope for the best.

snowwillow20

Follow your heart.

Happy to be her mommy

ok, I'm hearing that it's all about YOU. YOU don't want to be a mother, YOU don't love the baby's father, YOU want to have fun and be a teenager, YOU want to go to college.

Well, what about what your child wants? Does the child want to be given for adoption and be reminded every day that he or she isn't with their mother?

Feeling that they were a mistake and that someone didn't want them?

All of the issues you have listed are small potatos compared to the life of loss and heartache you are setting you AND your child up for.

If you become a mother, you're not taking the easy way out obviously. But you can go to college. You can get a good job. You can have a life, but that life will include the baby that YOU brought into the world. Yes, your life will change. That's just life. Life doesn't care about what your plans were before you were chosen to give birth.

You can do this. You keep your baby with their mother and get the help you need.

Ben l

keep it . live with dad and mom and try yo go to school and have fun with BABY and my mom and dad.

Daisey Duck

You shouldn't make this decision based on what people say on the internet. You have to make this decision yourself. As it is your life and no one else's. Try making a list of the pros an cons.(yours no one else's) Have you talked to you family to see what kind of help they can give and their opinion on things. Talk to social services and see what is available for help for you, medical care, expenses, food and such. They can also tell you what is involved in the adoption process if you choose to go that route. After you have all the information you will be in a better position to decide what is best for you and the baby.

smartiepants

Ask yourself only one question, What is best for the child? Then you will have the answer. Leave everything else out of the equation.

Hey!

I had an abortion right before i turned 18 and it was the hardest thing i've done.
If you dont feel like you are ready, or like you couldnt take care of it properly, put it up for adoption.

Christy

tough question. If you don't feel like you are ready to be a mother, then I would say adoption all the way. You can have an open adoption and still be part of baby's life, or you can do a closed one with no further contact. Talk to your parents and figure out a plan before baby is born.

Corn is not dog food! No wheat!

Keep the baby, get on welfare.

They'll pay for medical care, child care, school, food, housing.

Being a teen mother in America is sort of like hitting the lottery. You do have to do some work, but it's easy money.

Independ"ant"

Abortion.

If you feel that is not for you then give birth become a mother and parent your child.

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