When People Have Issues Related to Adoption?

PhilM

No, the world doesn't really buy the "blank slate" theory. That's what makes this treatment of adoptees so appalling.

If an infant loses its mother to death or is kidnapped, we recognize that the child has been harmed in some way. No one questions that.

But when adoptees talk about the pain from their loss, the harm is denied. It is, for many people, a non-event, even though they would never dream of telling an orphan the fact of his or her mother's death was a non-event.

This evidence suggests that most people reject the blank-slate. Except in the case of adoptees. We are the answer to someone's prayer. We make everything alright for someone who wants a child. If we aren't alright, then there might be something wrong with adoption. But that might mean that someone is benefitting off of someone else's pain. And society has applauded that benefit. So, head-in-the-sand time: It CANNOT be adoption. It just CANNOT.

We're not dealing with the blank-slate, Heather. We're dealing with ostriches. ;)

whatever!

I agree with you. If someone says that they have adoption related issues, i can't judge them on it. It just means that their adoption expereince is different from mine. So, while i may not deal with issues does not mean that they don't too. Noone can tell another how to feel or how they should deal with something. They can offer advice or information, but to tell someone to get over it and move on, is not their place. I simply ignore people like that, because they are not the boss of me!!

Freckle Face

There were some insensitive horrific answers. They did more harm than help. It was one of those questions that if you are not an adoptee, you just shouldn't answer.

LaurieDB

I think many people just don't want to believe that adoption doesn't fit into the little box of being the wonderful solution that's a total win-win-win for everyone. The thought that it may actually have some negatives may be too disturbing for many to consider, so they just don't want to think about it.

ETA:
I think a lot of people are pretty sure that being adopted into a new family makes up for the loss, and them some. Of course, that's not so, any more than getting a broken leg fixed negates the pain that occurred when it broke in the first place.

Gaia Raain

http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/3059/smith.html

The link above is my favorite "WTF" moment. It's related to rape, but I think it can represent any victim-blaming situation. [ETA: I especially like the part where the interviewer says, "never mind", just dismissing the victim. Seems to happen a lot here in the adoption section.]

Seriously...if I had lost my mother, I'd be grieving, too! But I guess people just don't see that there's loss there (I didn't realize it myself until about a year ago...I thought the only loss our kids would experience was that they had been abused or neglected, or exposed to drugs/alcohol before birth - I didn't even consider the loss of their family until I started doing my own research!). We're just not told these things. We have to go searching, and we have to be looking in the right places. I got a lot of propaganda thrown at me for a long time. Thank goodness I did my digging on my own.

Gershom

I don't know about the "blank slate theory" but I'm starting to think alot of the population are just sheeple, baaaa'ing their way through life believing the propoganda they're sold and buying into the easy way, never dealing with the core. Herded from one interest to the next by the drive of someone else wanting to make money off of them.

That thread was awful, I came on last night after not being here for a couple days and it was just horrible. Unvalidating, speaking for people they've never met, not even acknowledging the loss of mother/father in her LIFE?

its crazy.

roflol, you know, if i wasn't so nice, the next person who loses a mother in my life, i should just turn to them and say "whats the big deal, move on, get over it, i'm sure she loved you alot"

heartless.

jgf5822

people want to believe adoption is a fairy tail. period.

Jelly tots

Turn that question around and ask it to the people who "chime in" and reckon that adoptees must definatly have issues!! Its the same thing.

I admit that I have issues from my adoption, but I never assume nor tall anyone that just because they were seperated from mother at birth, then they mjust have issues too!

Its also unfair to say that "adoptees lost a mother" That isnt true for everyone. I didnt loose a mother, I gained one through adoption.Not every adoptee feels a loss. its silly to think that.

I dont believe in the whole blank slate thing, but I do think that babies are totally unaware of the situation at birth and there is no actuall evidence to proove that a baby feels a loss. I know that there is proof a baby feels a bond.

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