When it comes to adoptees, foster children, and children that are abused...?

The brain

As a psychologist who works with this population, I would not make any sweeping comparisons of abused children to adoptive children to foster children.

They are not linked and whether a person has compassion and empathy has to do with whether the child was able to go through the development of a conscious, knowing what is right versus wrong. Developmental psychology is very complex but what we do know is that a child who does not pass through the developmental stages in a "good enough" fashion will have problems in adulthood. Not developing a conscious prevents someone from having empathy and compassion. It does not mean they will become a murderer, but they usually are anti-social personalities and difficult people.

I would stay away from comparing abused children to adoptive children. The problems I see that develop from long-term abuse are far more difficult to work through than the problems I see from those that are adopted. Abused children that are not "adopted" into another family that cares about them, know deep down inside that they are bad and that they are worthless. Nobody wanted them at all and the ones that said they did, treated them like trash. So, abused children deal with abandonment, physical pain, shame from a million things, guilt from a million things, and deep seated hatred of themselves. They deal with flashbacks, dissociation, self-harm, and constant reminders of abuse.

Adoptive adults have issues, but in most instances they were wanted by someone. So, they do not equate themselves with being completely unwanted. They deal with abandonment from the first parents, and other issues depending on why the child was "given up," but I do not see the deep shame and hatred that I see in abused individuals. On top of which, the flashbacks, dissociation, and self-harm are missing.

Foster children are all over the place. Depending on whether they were adopted, aged-out, number of homes, abuse in different homes, whether they had a mentor or one person that cared, etc, etc, etc depends on how a foster child is going to react in the world.
BUT MOST that I work with are really "screwed up" and in a great deal of pain.

akathepurplecow

"Are these the people that have more compassion for others and more understanding?"
no - this is lumping - a sweeping generalization based on faulty logic...
you need to go beyond first grade math for this equation...

"Are in one way or another are they all kinda linked?"
yes, but i think you're lumping again
we're all kinda linked aren't we?

Kazi

That's quite a big generalization that cannot possibly be proven. People are people and react to situations quite differently. There are people who have gone through hell and back and enjoy spreading the misery around and have decided the world owes them something and is going to pay. And there are just as many people who have strength inside them to show compassion and empathy to others who are going through trials of their own. But this is not limited to adoptees. Everyone on earth (unless they are very lucky or a@@ deep in denial) have experienced pain and loss and tragedy and heavy doses of unfairness. We all make choices about how we react to these situations.

Mei-Ling

Possibly.

It could be referenced as Stockholm Syndrome.

monkeykitty83

People who have been through trauma by definition have a more concrete understanding of the experiences of people who experienced similar trauma, so yes on that I suppose.

But as for the overall premise... I don't think so, no. Having painful or difficult experiences does not by definition make you a better (or worse) person. Some people who have been traumatized use their experience to lift others up, but some people take it out on others and repeat the cycle of abuse or trauma. Some just get numb. Some go about their lives as though it never happened. There's really no one single way to deal with pain, loss, or trauma-- life isn't that simple and easy.

There's no magic bullet for compassion, including being fostered, adopted, or abused (which is actually a huge range of different experiences, not a single experience type, and I'm uncomfortable lumping it all together.) Different people are different; such is life.

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