When you meet or hear of someone who is an adoptive parent, do you make an automatic assumption...?

Santa's Lil' Helper

While in Disney with our friends a one woman struck up a conversation after she overheard me mentioned to the hubby that I would sit this ride out because I was pregnant.

She obviously wanted to know why we had adopted when I could get pregnant.

Nurse Autumn Intactivist NFP

I don't make assumptions per say, but it does certainly raise questions that are none of my business and I wouldn't have wondered otherwise

Indian-vision

I do wonder what was the reason they adopted.
I do think of them as open minded. (Indian context)
I wonder if they will keep their truth about adoption shrouded in secrecy and lies like most AP's in India still do and its impact. (Indian scenario)
I think i hope the adoptee grows up loved as much as the bio child if they had/have any.

Lori A

Yup, I automatically think they are going to move away from my like a plague when they find out who I am.

monkeykitty83

It depends on the type of adoption they chose.

If a family chose domestic infant adoption, I admit I would assume they were infertile.

If they chose foster care adoption, I would tend to respond positively to them. Not to think they were saints or heroes or anything, but just that we probably had some things in common and could have a good conversation.

If they chose international adoption all bets would totally be off on how I would view them, because I don't really have a fixed "profile" in my mind for that group, but I would be curious to learn about their choices and experiences.

littleJaina

You know, I seriously thought about your question. I tried to remember what my reactions to meeting people who have adopted have been. Then I realized, I have no automatic assumptions.

Almost always, my first question when finding out someone adopted is something like, "Oh Why?", or "Oh How?" or sometimes "How long ago?"

Of course, I grew up in an "adoption rich" atmosphere, so that might be why. I had two adopted brothers. My childhood best friend had an adopted brother and two adopted cousins. Adoption was never a secret in my family or life, and everyone had different types/kinds of adoption - so I was never really able to draw a stereotype about it.

LaraSue

No, just as I don't stereotype first mothers, I also don't stereotype adoptive parents.
But that's just me.

Your Highness

I really don't have any assumptions...I guess it's because I've had experience with adoption for nearly my whole life. Several of my cousins were adopted, including one who was adopted when we were both 5 and she's not only my cousin but also my best friend. Her mom recently adopted a 7 year old girl last year, so she's now got a little sister :) My mom was also a social worker for 7 years.

I dunno...I guess I never really think about it. When people say they're adopting I think "well thats cool" and....that's it. I don't think of adoptive parents any differently. When someone says "i'm adopting a child" I think the same thoughts as I do when someone says "i'm having a baby"

keiko

This happens with all this sort of associations. Some are racist. Some, such as assuming that an adoptive mother is pennies from heaven can be flattering but irritating because that wasn't your only motivation for wanting a child to raise and love. (making an assumption here.) Assuming you adopted because of infertility, have good or bad intentions in raising the child.

Like all Asian college students are in math or engineering. Blonds don't have to use their brains. The cheerleader has no problems and will be forever happy. Somebody deserves their good life because they are somehow luckier than I am.

I'd just smile and say, I love her/him or glad to find the child for me.

little angel

Yes I assume that an adoptive parent has a big heart full of love and wanted to give a homeless child a family of their very own. I Plan to adopt children one day. I love kids and think that every child deserves love and respect. Why would some one think you have issues because you adopt. That just doesn't make sense to me. I think those who adopt are wonderful. To love and nurture a child is wonderful.

casttostrangers

My first thought is usually goes straight to the adoptee. I wonder what they really feel and think deep down. If thier children are adults and I have the opportunity I ask them in private adoptee to adoptee.
As for the Apars
I do wonder what their like.
I do wonder what their motives are.
I do wonder how they raise their children.
I don't trust them and tend to shy away from them. I never look them in the eye.
Because of the dynamics of my Afam I do tend to paint all Apars with the same brush. Deep down I know this is not the way all apars are but I do tend to draw from my own experience and I personally put up a wall to them.

Bee ~Brit Mum~

The only conclusion I might find myself jumping to is that they possibly had fertility problems, although I know this is certainly not the case for all adoptive parents! Otherwise I would make no other assumptions - I'm friends with two pairs of adoptive parents, well one pair and one single as sadly his wife has passed, they're both completely different types of people, however they both adopted for fertility reasons (I know for a fact), both have modest incomes and live in nice but not extravagant houses - one pair is an accountant and a social worker, and the other pair is a pub manager and the lady who has passed was a SAHM. All are brilliant parents, and their children have been raised in a way absolutely no different to how myself or any of my other friends have been raised. I would certainly not jump to any conclusions about adoptive parents (other than perhaps the fertility one, as I said, but I know this would be naive!), I can't even think what negative conclusions COULD be drawn, I have never come across any, but sadly there are people out there that will find a bad word to say about anybody!

Ben's Mango ^.^

No... o.O Judging people is stupid. And assuming all people are going to judge you the same way is also stupid...

tammmy s

I always assume they are rich. But not necessarily perfect. My friend was adopted and she was molested and from what I saw emotionally abused. But it was done in the name of "Christianity". I wish they would take a good look in the mirror. My other friend was adopted and had emotional problems. They both were on drugs heavily by the age of 25. I think it was because they were adopted late, around 7, old enough to remember the abuse and identify themselfs wih it. By it I mean the lifestyle and mentality they came from.

gspecial

I never make assumptions about infertility, although statistically I think that is the most common reason people adopt.

But I'm kind of an underpredictor in lots of ways--I like to wait for people to show me who they are.

magic pointe shoes

I am brutal with my thoughts about potential adoptive parents and adoptive parents unless proven otherwise. My first thought is that they are clueless. I don't get how their love is supposed to heal loss. I don't get how if they are great enough parents then their children won't want to meet their biological families. I don't get the blank slate theory. I don't get the paper pregnancy part. I don't get how they get so mad at expectant parents considering relinquishment as holding all the power, when the expectant parents are at the lowest and least powerful moment of their lives, thus relinquishing.

I am suspicious of whether they have researched ethical adoption and how expectant parents should be treated. I am suspicious of their agencies and lawyers, especially at whatever those agencies and lawyers have filled their heads with regarding people who relinquish children for adoption. I wonder quite a lot over what methods of forcing or exploiting a relinquishment were used under the more suitable name of increasing the odds for a successful match.

I am super troubled by their interpretation of why the children were relinquished for adoption. I worry about how that interpretation is presented to the adopted person as they grow and try to figure out what being relinquished and adopted means about their identity.

And it's not to say that those who adopt or think about adopting are bad people, because I really don't think that. I just think about all the ways that they weren't informed just as I wasn't informed properly when I relinquished my son. And how all the power and control of adopted people and first families depend on how the adoptive parents live through what little knowledge they have gleaned.

Anyway, that's my own honesty and I respect anyone who thumbs me down for my own biased thoughts, because I fully admit it's not all that fair.

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