Where is all the interest in adopting bi-racial babies?

Serenity71

Reezo- As a fellow christian and a person who lives in country made up of many cultures and belief I find that idea of inter-racial relationships being sinful really stupid and ignorant. GOD made ALL of us in his image.

sunny- speak for yourself, not for my kids. (They aren't a consolation prize.) You don't know their own thoughts and feelings on their adoption.

I find it odd to that people just want white babies in America for adoption. (Not all Americans but a lot.) (BTW; I'm Aussie.We have people like that here too...silly isn't it.) Everyone I know in the adoption pool or who have adopted a child aren't worried about things like that. They know they can't mold a kid to look like them etc. And some of them are Christians. I hope you find the right couple for your child if adoption is your choice. (I do prefer family preservation, but not at the cost of a person being forced to keep a child they aren't prepared to raise. )

Personally I think kids that are bi-racial tend to get the best of both gene pools and turn out to be stunning. (I believe in bi-racial relationships, love is love...) I hope you find the right couple to ease any stress this might be causing you because of profiles you have read. The right people have to be out there somewhere just keep reading profiles and look for a couple who are open minded, they make better adoptive parents anyway...

Good Luck and all the best.

Anha S

Some of the responses to this question just absolutely floored me. Its sad that these attitudes are still alive and well in this day and age.

The cookie cutter family seems to be where it's at for some. It's sad, and unfortunate. You'd think these "christian" ladies wanting a child so badly to love, would be willing to love any child in need. But that's not always the case. It makes me throw up in my mouth a little that people are allowed to make these kind of specifications. No its not fair to put conditions on a child like that. Its like going to a deli and specifying the type of meat you want, and how you want it to be cut.

Best of luck to you

tish

it's called racism. and yes, it is horrible...especially when people cry and moan about wanting a baby, yet turn up their noses at babies who really need homes. now, the interesting caveat: if your baby was born in africa, then he/she would be more attractive...exotic, even.

this is why i encourage any woman with a black or bi-racial baby to try everything she can to keep the child. because, there are sick, twisted folks out here who will call your child "special needs" or encourage "alternative families" to adopt. the only time a black or bi-racial baby is desired is when there is a couple with the moola waiting in the wings. other than that, your baby will most likely end up in foster care.

i'd seriously rethink your decision to place your child...

be well

ETA: hey reezo, why don't you and silver hang out and swap stories about all the abandoned 'colored' kids; who should adopt them---and then join the rest of us in the 21st century. oh, God just called and canceled your christian memberships. silver... "colored?" are you serious????

Kassy

First, don't worry, I'm not going to try to get your baby from you. :)

Second, I'm an adoptive mother and I never specified ethnicity when working with DCF on my adoptions. When you adopt through DCF with all the potential problems they drilled us in, racial issues seemed like the least of our worries.

I think people look into private infant adoption for a number of reasons. If people just want to experience parenting an infant, that's one thing. If they are hoping to dodge potential adoption issues by starting with a "blank slate", or want to have a replacement child for the one they couldn't conceive, that's where people get picky. In some cases it's all right for people to specify race. I'm thinking of people who live in an area where almost everyone is predominantly one ethnicity and the child would feel like they don't belong. Even the strongest and most open minded parents can't compensate for an unwelcoming community.

Other than that, just be glad that you've got such an easy way to weed out the kind of people you don't want your baby with. If you should decide not to parent, you would want your child with people who will accept him or her for whoever he or she really is.

You sound like such a concerned mother bear. I know nothing of your situation and it's none of my business, but maybe you're the one who can best appreciate and care for your baby? As much as I love my children and they love me, I know they'd rather be with the mother they were born to. It's the one thing I can't give them.

magic pointe shoes

First thing first, please read this document.

What you should KNOW if you are considering adoption for your baby
http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index.php?id=1

The truth of the matter is most of the people who decide to adopt through domestic newborn adoption are there because they want a baby as close to as born to them as possible. As close to blank slate as possible. As close to not having more issues than possible. The potential adoptive parents are already stepping out of their comfort box by pursuing adoption in the first place, by stating preferences, it's an attempt to control the uncontrollable

Not Adopted

Forget about adoption. YOU are the best mother for your baby.

Possum

Hmmm - unless you may cause harm to your child - you should parent.

NO child wants to be given away.
NO child thinks it's a loving choice to be separated from the family that they share genetic links to.
NO child will understand your needs to get an education before looking after the child you both produced.
NO child is a gift.
NO parents fully ever get over losing a child to adoption.

Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

And try and educate yourself on the future of your child - by looking into the links that Sunny provided.
No NOT all adoptive parents feel that their adoptive children are CONSOLATION PRIZES - (many do - as most try for their own bio children first and foremost - we're human - that's what we do) but the children - the adoptees - always will.

Jennifer L

OKay, after reading a couple of these responses, I'm picking up my jaw. Two of my siblings married to spouses of a different race. I've grown up with my bi-racial nieces and nephews. It's not immoral, not a sin, and nowhere in the Bible does it say this. It's racism, pure and simple.

ETA: And no, my children are NOT consolation prizes, either!

Theresa

Welcome to the ugly undercurrent of racism in adoption, one of the elephants in the living room no one wants to admit. If you go through with this adoption, know that your baby will be sold on a sliding scale based on race. Less than a white baby but marked up a little more than a baby who is 100% African American. And one day your baby will grow up and realize that. How you would feel if you knew you had been not only purchased, but purchased for less because of race?

Also when I say 'purchased' - that's exactly what I mean. Not from you, but from whatever agency brokers the deal. Adoption is a $14billion dollar a year industry and your pain and suffering will be making someone very wealthy. The bad economy has hurt everyone except the baby brokers, who are all doing quite well financially.

Look at some of the prices here, and see how they write about the mothers. The mothers are nothing more than breeding stock to these vultures. It's a wonder they're not listing the number of teeth these mothers have. This reminds me of nothing less than human trafficking:

http://www.adoption.tk/situations/

Please read over the links that Sunny and others gave you, and please keep your baby. He or she needs you. God doesn't have women bless each other with living human beings. That's a horrible thing. Your baby isn't a gift for someone who really wanted their own child, your baby is a living, breathing, thinking, feeling being, who needs you, and who would suffer greatly without you.

I hope you'll read those links over.

Gaia Raain

Wow. I honestly believed we had gotten past the '60's. Silly me. Still not ok to mix races, eh? Jeez, and here I was thinking we had fought that fight and moved on. Doh!

As far as your question...are you sitting down? Please, please read this whole thing. I'm on your side here. #1, your child will probably be a "consolation prize" regardless if the parents wanted a white child or not. Most people who are adopting aren't doing it for the child - what they REALLY wanted was a child of their own. Not someone else's child. Most people adopt for selfish reasons, and don't consider that there is another family involved. You wouldn't believe how many people come here to ask questions like, "we've been ttc for 8 years, and we're finally moving on to adoption" (translation: we've given up, and I guess we'll have to deal with our child coming from someone else). Most people who adopt infants are of this mindset. Granted, some of them do want biracial babies...but most of them would rather have had their OWN biracial babies. They're just "dealing with" the fact that they "have" to get "their" baby from some other woman.

#2, God is not in the business of separating mothers from their children for the gain of childless couples. Nature (or God or whatever term you prefer) dictates that by the time a child is born, that child knows YOU better than any other person on Earth. Your child knows YOUR voice, YOUR heartbeat, YOUR smell. When your child is born, s/he will expect YOUR arms. And children are smart enough to know that there is a different voice, smell, heartbeat, set of arms, than the ones they were expecting. Nature designed it this way. God would not dictate that this bond be created, only to have it ripped apart. It makes no sense. You are the only person who is equipped to meet the needs your child has. Oh sure, someone else can feed, diaper, and love your child. But only you have that bond created by genetics and nine months of sharing a body. No adoptive mother can replace you. I promise.

#3, children are not gifts to be given away (or sold, which is what adoption agencies do...think about it, it doesn't cost thousands of dollars to file some paperwork). Your baby ONLY wants you. Your baby is not equipped to meet the needs of a couple who desperately wants a child of their own.

I sincerely hope that you and your partner will consider how your child will feel about being gifted to another family to be raised with strangers, and opt to keep him/her instead. Your child doesn't care about money or nice things...s/he only cares about YOU.

If you do decide to give your child up to another family, I wish you the best of luck in finding a family who is interested in more than their own personal desperation for a child. Take care of you.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

the bible has nothing to do directly with whether or not you abandon your kid.

as for being a consolation prize, do you not think we adoptees are already a consolation prize? what planet are you living on?

your kid will likely linger in fostercare for 18 yearsand then kicked out by the system. and that's the truth.

congrats on your beautiful decision.

Randy B

Theres always been interest in my home. My oldest and my youngest are both different races from my wife and I. One is East Indian and one is Cree/Metis. I do think it's sad though that many people don't consider these children as their personal choice for adoption.

A child is a child and should be viewed as such. Not as a race, or a gender. IMHO anyway.

Freckle Face

Not all prospective adoptive parents are so shallow.

Yes, racism is very much alive and well in America. There is a term called "white blindness", meaning a white person has never had to deal with racism directly therefore it is easier to disbelieve it currently exists.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2001/07/15/IN1593682.DTL

I don't think its intentional but it makes me very aware that not all caucasian adoptive parents are fully capable of raising children of races other than their own.

There are some out there who just want to be parents to a child any child and because of that will rise to any occasion necessary. There are others that won't. If at all possible, keep your child.

Best wishes to you and your child.

ETA: I tend to ignore racists, even pond scum has a higher iq than them. You can't get thru to them. Pointless, a waste of energy and wasted oxygen, imho.

Indian-vision

O.K firstly i can't believe the racism still exists reading the responses to you.

Now i will play the devils advocate about why do white couples want a white child. This would apply for some definately and not those who evidently responded here with racism tones. It would be so that child who already has a hard time being adopted is not made to feel worse in school and society with the rude stares and questions.

I am a brown person by ethniticity and an adoptive parent. When i was looking to adopt in the U.S, the gender, race and nationality did not matter. I just wanted another brown child and not a caucasian baby . I come from a country where the white race is looked at we awe. I had one friends mother-in-law (brown family like us) even suggest that you should adopt a "white" child if you get the chance. It was said to suggest a "status symbol" of sorts.......like a pedigree *Horrific*

Racism is rampant in my country unfortunately. Fairer the child.........more attention he gets. Darker he is........more rude comments he receives. Adopted children are often looked down upon by people. Who ask me what my child's birth mothers caste, creed and social class is.
Our child's birth mom selected us and gave us preference for the exact same reason. It was the colour of our skin . *Brown*. No this is not racism........but thinking of what the child will face in the future. I could be open to a white child and flaunt him like a status symbol in my country........but that would be downright sick and wrong.

To spare my child the trauma that my fellow Indians are well capable of inflicting i wanted a child of our colour. A mixed ethniticity child.
I don't ever see my self as racist as i have friends and even family members who are very dark or very fair. And racism plain disgusts me.

Because people are ignorant and selfish. As you said, any person receiving the gift of a child should feel blessed. It disgusts me that so many white people would be willing to adopt, and yet not want to adopt a multiracial baby (I am white, but someday i actually want to adopt a multiracial baby). Oh, and I love the families that claim to be "Christian" and yet refuse to accept differences in people. Kinda goes against the whole ideal Christian morale, huh? If you think about it though, you don't want your child to be raised in an environment that won't accept people for their differences. I wish you the best of luck finding a good family for your child, and I also wish that people would not be so ignorant about differences.

Twilight Princess

To be honest, if I ever want to start a family, I'd be perfectly happy to adopt a multi-racial child or children - I think they're generally very beautiful! However, I wouldn't be so into adopting a baby, as I'm definitely not good at caring for very small children, but I'm fine with older ones (ie, any age over 3-4) but hey, those are the kids that need homes the most.

Crucio

I do agree with you one should willing accept any child or baby, as long as they can provide that child / baby a loving home. Now if they someone lived in a racist neighborhood or mostly racist town then it would not be wise to adopt a non-white child. If child/baby had serious health problems and they didnâ€™t feel they could deal or even afford.

Jesus would accept any child a true follower of his would too. There is nothing in the bible that taboos inter-racial marriage. Even if there was Jesus would still accept inter-racial relationships becuase he accepted everyone. Anyone who is truly against it I am sorry but you are not a true Christian. There is only one race that is the humane race. The concept of race by color is man made, made to divide people. People of all races come in different shades from light to dark. Race is also viewed differently in diffrent places take in North Africa they consider everyone from there to be white regardless of how dark their skin is. There was a time that Greeks and Italians were not "white"

jtcshard never never adopt a multiracial child that is absurd that you donâ€™t believe in inter-racial marriage/ relationships but would be willing to adopt a child that is a result of an inter-racial marriage /relationship.

Not all adoptees look at themselves as a consolation price I don't and I know I am not the only one, again just ignorance to try and speak for an entire group of people. If one feels they are a consultations price thatâ€™s fine but you do no speak for every single adopted person in this world. The same goes for people who adopt maybe some look at their adopted child a a consolation price, but not all do.

corcoranfaire

We are foster/adopting a "biracial" little girl. Neither my husband or I have ever seen her as a consollation prize. She is incredibly beautiful and has a great personality, just like our other children. It saddens me to read some of these ignorant responses, but I have hope for the future!

BLW_KAM

Ten years ago concerns about adopting bi-racial children were alive and well and living in the hearts of some of the PAPs on the waiting list at the agency we went through. We were told bi-racial children often have troubles fitting in because the white culture doesn't recognize them as white, while the black culture doesn't recognize them as black. The impression I got was that parenting a bi-racial child was going to be complicated and the poor kids may end up being "the odd man out".

Well, guess what? They were wrong. While our community is not completely color-blind, it doesn't give a rats tushie about my daughter's ethnic diversity.

I'm not a particularly religious person, but even I know Jesus said, "Love one another as I have loved you", not "Love only those with the same skin tone."

We adopted through The Cradle in Illinois, 1999 http://www.cradle.org/adoption-services/adoption-services-birthmother.html

Hannah B

I am so shocked by some of the answers on here! I am white and one day would like to adopt an older child from foster care. Where I live there are alot of mixed-race children in foster care and almost no mixed race adopters. The authorities prefer to place children with families that match their heritage because it helps them to feel part of the family and have their culture understood and kept alive. However there are simply not enough mixed-race adopters so I would love to adopt a mixed race child and I would not care which races.

Esther

People are afraid of what they don't know anything about. I suppose it is easier to stereotype than to sit down and LEARN something for heaven's sake. My husband and I are going to adopt at some point (Lord willing) and are considering a bi-racial child. We're even :gasp: looking into adopting a child of another race. I for one don't care if my kids look like me or their bio-parents who is another race. In my eyes they're all just kids...beautiful kids.

due 2/25 with a gil!

i think its cause most people wants kids that look like them, witch i can understand. but to me it does not matter the race. i my self am bi-racial and my husband is hispanic. and we have takin in foster children whom where both white...and most people thaught they where our bio kids

â™¥â™¥Ritaâ™¥â™¥

First off, I gotta ask....What the He11 is race?? I mean honestly, who is ONE race?? I am white........but there is a strong link to Turkish ancestry/ Irish/American Indian and who knows what else....does that mean, I am not white?? What about white babies that are born to multi racial (black) parents (yep that happens)?? Does that mean they are....white or black, or they are bi racial. What ignorance and yes, glad to know it is alive and well in AMERICA!! It is okay to not be one with inter racial relationships....but not okay to judge based upon biases and values one holds.

Okay, now for the question asked and sorry about the rant. It just gets me.

Depending on where you are at, there may be a Once Church One Child and I am sure they would be glad to assist you in finding placement for your child. You sound like an intelligent young woman and best wishes on your decisions and hang in there.

suzanne

Let me start off by saying I respect your decision to parent your child. I just wanted to share my experiences. I am a potential adoptive parent who is in the "waiting" phase. My FIRST preference is a biracial child. I know many other adoptive couples who have adopted/ hope to adopt children of any race. There are many couples out there who would truly, truly love any child and would be deeply offended by the thought that these children would be seen as "consolation prizes" (I know you're just expressing what you've seen, I don't think you were being offensive) Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are families out there if you know where to find them. I also thought I'd explain a little about what an adoptive parent goes through as they are preparing for adoption. Some people in the world express (through literature, the web, etc. etc.) that for a caucasian couple to adopt an african american or multiracial child is an offront to the child's heritage. They feel that cascasian people don't have the ability to raise a well-adjusted african-american child in today's world. Many potential adoptive parents buy into this lie and feel they are "playing by the rules " by asking for a child of their race. Sometimes, yes, it is just plain ignorance and racism, other times it is fear. Fear of not being able to provide the rich cultural background that a child needs to love and embrace their roots. I too agree that it is horrible to have a "sliding scale" based on race and want to assure you that not all agencies run that way.
Best of luck to you, my husband is in med school and I know just how crazy and difficult it can be! (thank goodness you're past the morning sickness, right?)

kgray35

I gotta agree with Reezo. Why didnt you just adopt one of those babies then? I mean if no is wanting them and you do?

REEZO

As a 'Christian', I would not want a bi-racial baby because I do not believe in bi-racial relationships, just my beliefs. So don't blame 'us' for not wanting to raise your child - blame yourself for putting your child in the situation to not be wanted!

And how funny you call it ignorant for holding on to values and morals, LOL. Sad people.

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