Where to start with adoption and a question about open adoption?I am pregnant.?

Daisey Duck

First no you are not being selfish. Only you know what is best for you and the baby. If you honestly feel you are not ready to be a parent and can't provide for the baby than it is the right thing to do.
You can start by contacting social services, they can tell you what all is involved and how to start the process. There are also adoption agencies and adoption lawyers. There is also pre birth matching where you pick the parents you want to adopt the baby. Some will tell you they don't believe in that but it is your choice if you want to go that route. Sometimes your church can help also. As far as an open adoption no it is not legally enforceable, but that doesn't mean that it can't work. There are a lot of adoptive parents that will honor it, but there are some that won't.
The decision is all yours and you must do what you know is best. Good luck.
I am an adoptee and I had a good life and no regrets about being adopted.

IDK!!

There are benefits for you for having a dependent. If you do decide to keep him/her you will be able to get assistance for everything you need, from food, medicaid to federal financial aid for college.

ETA- That's right, don't take my advice, I'm an AP. Don't know at all what I'm talking about...... The assistance I wrote about is all in an attempt to steal your baby.

sam22254

What about the father and his family. please don't believe that the adopted parents will keep the adoption open they will for the first six months and then your out. Will you be able to go on with your life not knowing where your daughter is. I'm not telling you to keep your child if you don't want to but be prepared to be wondering about your child the rest of your life.

xlinzx88x

Yes. Selfish. 2 years younger than I was when I had my son and I took responsibility for my son. Anyway, since you're not wanting this poor little angel yourself, you need to allow the father and his family a chance to raise his baby. Really, you don't have a choice in the matter because he has rights too. Its best that the baby stays in the family.

Heather B

If you know exactly what you're doing you dont need anyone's advice on how to abandon your baby to strangers at the very time he/she needs YOU most.

Oh, and open adoption - its not enforceable and regularly used as a way to get your baby. Then the door is firmly slammed in your face and there's not a darned thing you can do about it. So be careful. Some people promise open adoption and they have absolutely no intention of honoring the agreement.

(read the small print - they wont tell you that)

Im sure your inbox is full of requests for your baby right now. Like I said, be careful.

kateiskate

I second what Linny G said. Why accept the advice of adoptive parents? They have not experienced loss in their adoption experience. Adoptees and first moms are the best to give you advice on how it will feel because we have lived it.

You need to know that open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable in any shape or form. Don't be deceived into thinking other wise. If you give someone else the rights to your child, legally they can make it so you never see your child again.

cantstopLinnyG

Your parents said they will help you. How will you feel if you gave your child away, they find you & find that out????

You will NOT be stable when you have another baby, as relinquishing THIS baby will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Please do not accept advice from anyone here other than adoptees and first Moms. WE are the ones who truly know how this will affect you. Ap's are the ONLY winners in this situation. Also, do not email anyone here, they are vultures who ONLY want your baby.

You are scared, which is normal. You daughter is already bonded with you and loves you. To have strangers raise her will devastate BOTH of you. She only wants YOU. Plese know there are resources available to you, and you already have the BEST one- the support of your baby girl's grandparents.

Please research how surrendering your daughter will affect you and your daughter.

http://www.cubirthparents.org/edd/index....
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZGwqHVnKs
http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php
http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.motherhelp.info/index.htm
http://www.babyscoopera.com
http://www.keepyourbaby.com/
http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/

BLW_KAM

Rikki,

As mentioned above, you can't place your baby for adoption without the approval of the father. You need to talk to him and find out whether he or his family are interested in raising the child. Talk to other relatives and see if the baby can stay in the family.

There is quite a lot of negative press about open adoption. It's true that some people looking to adopt will lie to you about an open adoption. They will close the door on you after they have the baby. Open adoption is not legally enforceable. It's an honor-bound agreement.

But there are many of us here in this forum who are a part of open adoptions who kept our word and have embraced our children's natural family as just that, family. I have no words of wisdom to help you separate the honest from the dishonest. It's sort of a crap-shoot.

I'm an adoptive mother so I have a different perspective than some others who have answered your question. But I have read the information in some of the links they have provided and hope you do too. Once you place your child for adoption there's no turning back. You can't undo it. Try to be as informed as you can be so you don't end up regretting the decision for the rest of your life.

I wish you peace.

Possum

Make sure you read this -
http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pdf

Personally - yes - I think you're being selfish.
This child didn't ask to be conceived and born at an inconvenient time.
Stuff happens - life changes direction - you deal.
This child wants his/her mother - not a family of complete strangers.
I've missed my mother every 40 years of my life.
Just be very aware - I know many women that lost children to adoption - and were then never able to have further children.
It happens.
Your child wants you to step up - and parent.

It's kind of sad that it's too late to abort.
Seriously - with your attitude - that would have been the kinder option for this child.
It's a hard life when your own mother gives your away.
No matter the reason.

And for the record - yes - it would have been better to have been aborted than to live this confusing life as an adoptee.

birthmommyat16

okay those ppl saying that ur selfish are totally wrong. you arnt selfish for wanting to give ur daughter an amazing life. im 16 and my daughter was adopted 3 months ago. its an open adoption and i love her adoptive parents. they are the best ppl in the world. i was in the exact situation u were in. and i decided on adoption and i spent 3 months looking for familys tell i found the perfect ppl. to start u should get online and find an adoption agency and call them. then theyll give u tons of families to choose from. then u can meet as many as u want tell u find the perfect ppl. hope i helped. goodluck. (:

The Lauren

No criticism here. Congrats for knowing youre not capable of raising a child. Thats not selfish at all. You were responsible and on BC when you conceived so you werent a dumb kid just hoping for the best. It happened and now its your responsibility to make sure that child has the best life possible, even if that means giving it up. Kudos to you. Have you spoken to the father of the child about adoption? He will also have rights and you need to make sure youre on the same page about adoption. Otherwise it can get messy. I dont know if youre hoping for an open adoption but those can be hard to come by. Youve got to go into it knowing that you may never be a part of that childs life. No matter what the adoptive parents say. You can check into agencies or different private adoption websites. There are pros and cons to each. Really do your research on families and make sure you find the best possible family with the most love to give and the best shot at giving the child an education and a happy existence. Good luck!

Emily D

I can tell that you've given this a lot of thought. However, for your sake and the sake of your baby I hope that you will wait until after the birth to make a final decision. Pre-birth matching is awful in that the people make you feel horribly guilty if you try to choose to change your mind. Just remember that you're the only one who really knows what's best for your baby.

How does the father and his family feel about you placing the child for adoption?

timsdarlyn

i don't think you're being selfish at all. you are doing what any mother would do and that is to provide what you feel is the best for your baby. you can contact your local church, there are also plenty of websites availble. lifetimeadoption.com is one of them, you can choose who you want to have your baby. even if you do change your mind when you have your child you can still keep the baby. you have 48 hours to make your final decision. i think you are making a very difficult decision, i know it can't be easy. and there has been a lot of critisim but you do what you feel is right, don't let others make your decision for you. have you tried asking the father and his family if they want the child? i hope all goes well for you and if you need any help or some one to talk to you can email me anytime.

crzymmof8

I know you will get a LOT of negative about this but please don't feel bad. It seems that it is okay to adopt on here but not to place for adoption. If this is what you really want talk to an adoption agency. Look for a couple who really will include you. Unfortunately it is true that some couples will promise to be open and then aren't but not everyone is like that. Make sure you ask a LOT of questions about everything you want answered. There are no dumb questions so ask everything. Hope whatever you decide you are okay.

katyyeahbabes

Basically. I support you one hundred percent. I'm seventeen too and if I found out I was pregnant i would FREAK so bad, like, I would put it up for adoption too. First off, talk to the father and see whether he wants to keep it, and if not get in touch with social services and tell 'em you don't want your kid. Or something.

Divine Oubliette

You can always call your local Catholic church, they can help you with your plans for adoption.

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