White parents adopting kids of a different race?

tickled blue

Dear Beth,

We have adopted a bi-racial child as caucasian parents. He is the love of our life. We live in a very rural southern town, so we were concerned with how people would react to him. You are given virtually no training/techniques/ideas as to how to raise a child of a differing race, so this and other forums are vital.
Has everyone been welcoming and loving towards our child? No. Some people stare, say ugly things, assume things about his parents, etc. We were prepared for that to some degree, but I would assume that children raised in a more urban setting probably wouldn't get as many stares and comments.
Nevertheless, the positives have far outweighed the negatives. There have been so many people who have been supportive and loving and in love with our child.
The main things we try to focus on are his culture and his background. He is not yet old enough for us to go into detail, but we read stories about children like him, we talk about children like him, show tv programs with black children, and try to provide playtime with other adoptive or bi-racial/black children. Currently he has no idea he is any different...but one day, I hope he will understand and be comfortable with both of his races.
There is nothing that can prepare you for some of the mean comments you will receive. The main thing is to stay positive, focus on the needs of your child, and eliminate toxic people from your child's life--especially if they refuse to change. It hasn't been 'easy'. We have 3 family members we simply have nothing to do with any longer. You must be willing to put your child's needs ahead of everyone elses' desires.
<<adoptive mommy through foster care.

JoHn S.

I think a lot of the answers to your questions will depend on where you live, and how open your family and friends are to different races. It will also depend on the child on how you handle the questions, or stares (there will be some).

I think it's OK to adopt interracially, but , ALWAYS keep their heritage and ethnicity alive for them.

Jennifer L

Hi Beth.

If you are considering transracial adoption, there is one huge myth that you need to divorce yourself from.

That myth being: Race does not matter.

It may not matter to you, the adoptive parents. But I'll guarantee you that it matters to the child and to society at large. It is up to the adoptive parents to help the child develop a positive sense of racial identity and pride.

There are some unique challenges to transracial adoption: culture, racism, even things like care for ethnic skin/hair. These challenges aren't insurmountable, but they do require education, and proactive moves by the adoptive parents. But the first step is for the adoptive parents to acknowledge that the challenges exist in the first place.

If you're considering this, I recommend a couple of great books: "In Their Own Voices" and "Inside Transracial Adoption".

Best of luck.

ETA: Dayle, I can't braid hair to save my life (my daughter laughs at my attempts!) but we did find a wonderful African lady that braids hair out of her home. We love microbraids!

kims

Exactly what John S. said. A lot depends on where you live and what your family is like.

My family and friends love my children to bits, and I knew that they would.

My community is diverse, our family doesn't stand out all that much. We've never had stares or unkind comments from people of any ethnicity. I already had AA friends, but when we're out with the children, people just come up to us and offer advice (or compliments) on my daughter's hair. They invite us to community events and let us know about resources to keep our children involved with their culture.

I won't go into all the issues that can or have come up, you can email me if you'd like. There's a book called "In their own voices" by transracial adoptees which is very helpful.

As far as questions society will throw at you, all we get are "are they yours?" and then questions about where they are from or what happened to their families. If you adopt children that don't look like you, people will be curious. We are fine with that, unless someone is rude. Then we say "Why do you ask?" Because really, my children deserve their privacy if they want it. They were adopted as older children a few years ago, the oldest is now twelve. They are fully capable of deciding for themselves what they want to share and with whom.

I don't know if I'd say it's good for children to grow up with parents of a different ethnicity, but I would hope good parents could make it be better than ageing out of the foster care system or sitting in an orphanage overseas until they're sixteen.

PrettyJersie

It's not an issue..as long as you are doing a good thing. It may be an issue for other people, but who cares what others think.

Dayle

Everyone will not agree with your decision, but if you and your husband are open to adopt a child of a different ethic background, go for it.
Embrace their culture and educate yourself. One piece of advice I would give you, if you decide to adopt a African American child, is to learn how to properly care for their hair. It might seem like a trivial matter, but it's not.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Penelope

i was very afraid if this also, but now (after 1 year) I dont even think about it. The biggest problem I had was learning to braid .

mattyboymma

It's probably the best that you are willing to adopt any race. It's a sad fact, but the truth is that white babies are the most in demand.

chito

it is the adoption that matters and your kindness to adopt ,who cares what they think ,it is the care for the child you are looking for and it don't matter what race or who raise them as long as someone cared for them,,,,,GOD BLESS

That's my final answer

I think race should never matter. All color in this world is what makes it beautiful. And the response to those to question you is " why do you want to know" that will shut up most questions. You don't have to answer anything to any one.

Ape O

Couples like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt adopt orphans of different race, no big deal. I think it's a pretty good thing to do.

meganjo63

we adopted a bi-racial boy and we are white.

i wouldn't change a thing.

we have experienced difficulties, such as racist grandparents (who are no longer welcome in our life), and rude questions....but our family is happy and we wouldn't have it any other way.

missingbenjamin05

I would like to say, as a mother whose child is half-white and half-Mexican that I gave up for adoption, that it is OKAY!! Love should not know color. I know that a lot of people are racist, but it is stuck in their heads. Love for a child should not know any boundaries.

fashionista

My husband is half black, he was adopted at birth by two white parents that love him dearly. He grew up with two older white brothers. My husband says that the most important thing with interracial adoption is to not make race a priority. He knew from a very young age that he was different color than his brothers, but that his parents still adored him just as much. In elementary school kids would occationaly bring up the fact that he was black and his parents were white, but it didn't bother him. I think it also matters where the child is raised. He was raised in an upper class suberb and he was one of the few black kids in his school. His parents had to make sure he was as normal as possible when he was younger, so issues didn't arise. But once he got to high school and college he was a "popular" kid and star athlete. Overall, his adoption into a white family helped him imensly and it has never bothered him that he was black and were white.

Julie6962

I don't think the race of a child makes any difference when deciding to adopt. I think that the only thing that needs to be incorporated in to parenting a child of a different race is how do deal with racial issues and how you intend to teach your child to respond to them.

As far as whether it's healthy for a child of a different race to grow up with "white" parents; there are lots of kids born who are not loved/wanted/treasured as the miraculous human beings they are. I think that any child who can be appreciated for all the wonderful things they are, and have the potential to be, is lucky to have a parent who knows that.

MelzMom

My mom says she didn't care what race her child was. It didn't matter to her.
She was surprised that it mattered to me. When I was about 10 to about 18, it mattered to me alot. It doesn't anymore but it did then, mostly because of things other people said. I was a kid and thought like a kid and wanted to be like everybody else. It was something that affected me deeply and luckily my parents took me to a therapist to help me deal with adoption and that was one of the things that I worked through and got past. It doesn't matter to me at all, now.

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