Who believes that Adoption is a gift?

Carol c

Not sure how anyone could think my painful loss of my child was a gift. Most (if not all) mothers would prefer to raise their own babies.

Would it be a gift if my leg was ripped from my body against my will and I was told I had to give it to someone else who didn't have a leg as a gift?

It sure wouldn't feel like I was giving a gift.

â™¥â™¥Mum To Superkidsâ™¥â™¥

I think socks, photo frames and grandma handkerchiefs are gifts.

Adoption is an alternative to being raised by your natural parents. Hopefully one that is in a child's best interests.

birthdad in hell

There are no gifts in adoption. a desperate couple puts their desires to be parents above the rights of natural parents and children. They then pay a dealer/handler who goes and gets them a baby and provides them with the legal means to remove the natural parents. The natural parents who fight find themselves banging their heads off an insurmountable wall of tests,legal fees, and disclosure of their entire adult life. Most have something in their past they aren't ready to face, can't afford the fight, or are stripped of rights by default for missing some little thing early on. Most times fighting involves moving as bmoms rarely relinquish in their home towns/states. All this time the child is growing and has no say in the matter. but why should the child have say it's just a commodity. like a car or a house. bought and paid for and all that. it's not like the adoptive mom went out one christmas and came home and said here honey I bought you a present here's your adopted son/daughter. the idea of a child being a gift offends me almost as much as the fact that children can be sold and no one not even the government blinks or bats an eye it.

snowwillow20

Nope, not a gift.

kateiskate

I think the only people who get a gift in adoption are the adoptive parents.
.
Everyone else has to deal with way too much loss for it to be a gift

Heather B

Agencies and facilitators get an almighty gift right into their pockets

mom lost 66

my child was not a gift! how could a child stolen from their mother
be considered a gift? If I had it to do all over again I would have taken my son and ran as far away as I could if I would have know what their plans were for my child I would have never allowed my self to be coerced like I was I had so many chances and I never saw the hand writing on the wall I really believed I was going to bring my son home

Rowan

I am so glad my parents never used that term, nor alot of other terms people associate with adoption.

In my mind, adoption is, at times, a nessasary evil. And sometimes, unnnessasary evil.

Look at all the folks here whose adoptions need never have happened, had society only been a little less cruel and greedy. And a little more compassionate.

Not Adopted

For domestic infant adotion: the adoptive parents are the only ones receiving a "gift."

Independ"ant"

Probably the same demented delusional self centered Aps that celebrate "Gotcha Day", make videos and plaster them on the internet. Its disrespectful to the child and natural mother to say the least.

Its pathetic how people treat children like commodities.....even the humane society discourages people from adopting pets for gift giving. They actually get angry and refuse to let those people adopt.

Humans deserve as much respect.

Mei-Ling

Only my adoptive parents.

I was not a gift. My other parents were unable to fight for me.

A gift is NOT something you give away that you want.

cantstopLinnyG

I do not. "Adoption is a gift" is another catch phrase facilitators like to use to pretty things up. Like "chosen child".

I was not a gift, nor was I "chosen". My ap's were the next infertile couple in line to get a baby from Catholic Scarities, and I was the next baby in line.

My ap's may have considered me a gift to help heal them from being broken hearted due to their infertility issues, but unfortunately, that's a lot of pressure to put on a kid.

Using the term "gift" also implies we should be "grateful".

My n Mom would not think of my adoption as a "gift", either.

I am the perfect example of how adoption does NOT give a child a better life, just a different life.

aloha.girl59

My son's fmom didn't give him away as a gift. She loved him and I'm sure she still does. I'm sure she wouldn't have "gifted" him to anyone if she'd been able to parent him.

I'M the one who has a gift. Having this child in my life is a gift. Not because anyone GAVE him to me or because I think I DESERVE to raise someone else's child, but because his happy little smile and silly antics and love are something I wouldn't have if he wasn't in my life. I consider my son's presence in my life a gift...I don't consider his physical self to be a gift.

kitta

I was trying to keep my son, so I wasn't "gifting" anyone....the idea that I could have been doing both at the same time is rather contradictory. I didn't want to give him to anyone, and I didn't think adoption was right.

I thought it was wrong.

"Fighting to keep" vs "giving a gift."

But, my son was told by extended adoptive relatives that I 'wanted him to have a '2 parent home." This was contradictory in itself, because the adoptive "parents" were abusive and unstable and divorced early.

Adoption is just filled with contradictions

Gershom

i think the adopters are the ones who get a gift. They are the ones who haven't lost in the "adoption" they have only gained. they dont' lose a family, a heritage, a name, a birth certificate or other vital records, they don't lose siblings, security, and beyond.

They get patted on the back over and over for taking in that poor child who otherwise would have been ... you know how it goes.

Opedial

Great question, and I can only answer for my situation.

Number one, we are the benefits of the gift for sure with adoption. We do know it came at a price for many other children, including our children.

We would not have accepted a child whose First parents were able to raise them, but in our case, all parental rights had been lost, due to abuse and neglect. The First parents did NOT get a gift, they lost everything.

Our children, well first they lost their childhood. They went through hell for the first few years of their life.

Then they lost their parents...and regardless of the treatment they received by them, this is still a huge loss for the children.

Then they lost their foster parents who they had lived with for two years.

Then they gained us as parents.

So did they get a "gift in adoption?". No, adoption itself was not a gift to our children; however, given their first years in life I DO believe that them receiving a family that is able to love them, work with through their trauma with them, and give them the stability that they so greatly need, yes this is fact may be a gift, as opposed to staying in care their whole lives. Perhaps being able to "stay together" as siblings was also a gift.

But is it really a gift when so much was taken away to get it? If someone ran over my leg with their car, and the hospital gave me a cast, which is their gift to me, well I am not grateful for the cast.

So I think being together is a gift in itself, but is muted by the pain everyone else had to experience for us to get together with our children. I love my children so much that although I could not imagine not parenting them, if I could erase it all and give them, from the beginning of their life, a life without abuse, a life with their First parents, I would trade what I have with them in, knowing that this is what would have been best for them. But we cannot, because it did happen, and we are all moving forward together now.

Helena B

i was beaten n abused by my adoptid 'dad'. gift? no way. i wish i was aborted.

Kazi

A physical gift? No.

Raising them... is a gift.
Loving them... is a gift.
Watching them grow and flourish... is a gift.

And we are the recipients of this.

My children, however, have what all children everywhere deserve: a loving family, a safe home.

These should not be considered gifts.
These should be considered givens.

Just a Mom

I don't know if I think that it was a gift. But do I consider myself the luckiest person in the world to have these 7 kids? Yes, I do. I tried to help their mother get them back even though it killed us, but she saw that the kids were safe and happy for the first time ever and she wanted them with us. That was the older 5.

Then when she had the 1 year old, my wife and I went to court in support of her keeping the baby. Our support is one of the only reasons she kept her.

When she got pregnant with the youngest baby, she asked us to take the 1 year old because she was so sick. We did and I didn't consider it a gift, but I felt lucky to have her. Then she had the baby and died 3 weeks later. We have the baby. I don't consider him a gift because I have him and the one year old because my friend died. I would never consider her death a gift.

I cry as I write this because although I don't consider these 7 kids a gift, I am eternally thankful that my friend had them and that she and her partner trusted us with them.

myst1998

LOL... the "gift" that keeps on taking...

No, my daughter was not a gift and I sure as hell wasn't giving her up. The only people who benefit in adoption are those receiving the child. The children are NOT gifts, they are people and therefore shouldn't be traded with as things.

About the thumbs...it IS interesting, mighty telling actually...

Sofiakat

It is a pretty crappy gift.

monkeykitty83

A human being can't be passed between two people like an object, and so can't be a gift. Except in the sense that all children are a gift to the earth from a higher power, if you believe in that. Adoptees are not more gift-y just by virtue of being adopted.

Also, even when a new home is necessary for a child, safety and love are things all children deserve. Adoption is no more a gift than giving birth is. Children need a family and a place to call home, but adopted children are no less entitled to their parents' love and care.

Minnimouse

Not long ago I read the cards my adoptive parents got when I "arrived". At least three of them say "God bless you for this wonderful gift." I felt like throwing up. There were about 20 cards all together. Most had been written like "Celebrating the arrival of a beautiful girl into your home." and "What a glorious day, the beginning of a wonderful family."

I'm sorry...a couple of days ago was I not screaming for my foster mother and crying and reaching out to her because I didn't want to be taken away by this strange woman? It's funny no one acknowledged that there was a loss involved. I don't want grim and sympathy, but I wouldn't have minded if SOMEONE had acknowledged that this was a continuation of my life not the start of it. I was only a gift to my adoptive parents. There was nothing to celebrate for me.

bananarama

For me it was a gift. My bio family didnt want me or couldnt take care of me. If it weren't for adoption I would have spent my whole life from 6 weeks on in foster care possibly bouncing from home to home. Not that I always thought it was a gift.I have had my share of mixed emotions but in a weird kind unexplainable way yes i think it was a gift.

ETA: let me specify, I do not feel as though I was the gift but I do feel I was givin the gift of a stable loving home.

nighteam

I feel the time we have with our children and the experiences are the gifts not the children them selves. Children are not objects to be given as possessions.

MamaKate

Dear Sly,

At the time I had two children for my infertile "friends", I naively believed the "adoption is a gift" line.

I learned my lesson the hard way and I now know that "adoption is a gift" only for some people - certainly not for me.

Tilden J.

The child is the gift. When God gave it to you, he didn't tell you how you were suppose to use it. He knew you would make the right choice. He had faith in you. You need to have that same faith, in yourself.

Not my fault either

considering the angry bitter nasty adoptees on YA, it was a very crappy gift indeed. wonder if their parents want a refund. too bad they can't be regifted.

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