Who in the adoption world is most "neglectful" towards children? Parents, society, etc...? ?

monkeykitty83

I don't think it's a matter of "most neglectful"-- I think there are two different levels of neglect, societal and personal. And I don't think you can make a one-to-one comparison between culture in general and individual behaviour to pick which one is worse, because they're just separate problems.

On a societal level, government in particular and really society as a whole don't value children very highly. Services to children and families at risk are far below the point they should be at. Just to look at two examples, the public schools and mental health care. Both are failing people at an alarming rate, and leaving them with no real options. Heck, look at the foster care system. Most programs for families and kids are underfunded, under-monitored, and have no real expectation placed on them for successful performance. There's relative indifference to all this in society as a whole.

On an individual level, some parents do neglect their own kids. It's a terrible thing to do, but it's a decision they make, not some parental conspiracy. What happens in a particular home is just different from what happens on the level of culture as a whole. Societal factors do influence parental neglect, and neglect often goes in cycles from generation to generation, but there is still some level of personal choice in how one cares for a child.

I think neglect exists on both a societal and individual level, and both are a major problem. But I also don't think the two things can be directly compared to find the "worst" one. You can't directly compare cultural trends to individual behaviour, even if the same word can describe them both.

MamaKate

1st place goes to :
People Who Profit! (Agencies and Facilitators)

These the people who are in this BUSINESS to MAKE MONEY! That is the bottom line. The OWNERS, their lawyers, and most of the employees of these agencies many of whom never even get their "hands dirty" dealing with their clients. It is no skin off their teeth if they can't find a placement - the kids can go to foster care! If the PAPs placement fails, the agency is not responsible and in most cases still gets $$$! They manipulate the expectant parents because they are the suppliers and they will not make money if they counsel too well or they offer assistance for parenting. They profit off of the misfortunes of others on ALL sides of the "triad". They are not accountable for their business practices or overseen by a larger body. Many are not required to have any specific education or training. They use their obscene profits of off "paperwork" to lobby for laws that protect their interests and to produce their glossy pamphlets, commercials and cute, pink and blue web-sites which glorify adoption and ensnare expectant parents.

2nd Place:
Lawmakers and Society

They go hand in hand, Lawmakers are supposed to protect the public and in the US, they are supposed to reflect the will of the people - but they are also in charge of providing the public with accurate information from which to base their opinions. Public education about adoption is a failure in the and thus, the people are not given the entire story on which to base their general opinion and rely on media to garner their information. The US government has not been a government of the people for quite sometime - as reflected by the obscene profits of corporate entities while the public is in dire need of services. The breakdown of the family is a core problem in the US and for the last hundred or so years we have neglected to address this issue in any meaningful way. Instead it has been used as a way of money making. Society is apathetic and the Government has used that apathy to the advantage of itself and certain industries. The flaws in the current system and the public's education are what have allowed the people who profit to exploit it.

3nd Place:
The Media

The media does a poor job of fairly or honestly representing adoption to the public. Movies like Juno and Baby Mama give the public a false view of reproductive issues. Many News organizations fail to report adoption stories from an unbiased prospective, almost always representing only one side of adoption in any story they cover rather than in depth reporting from ALL sides. Talk shows sensationalize adoption and never discuss the complexities and differences that make adoption such a complicated topic. Feel good shows like "Adoption Stories" and "The Locator" tend to trivialize and exploit adoption for certain agendas and profit. All of this leaves a biased and confused public with and unrealistic and even unhealthy view of adoption.

Honorable Mention:

All of us. We fail each other when we don't support those of us in need. We fail each other when we show no compassion. We fail each other when we allow ourselves and our children to be social experiments. We fail each other when we do not speak out for those who have no voices. We fail each other when we lie and keep secrets. We fail each other when we ignore injustice. We fail each other when we do not listen to experiences of those who go before us. We fail each other when we allow our children to be treated as commodities.

And every time we fail, we fail not just ourselves, but our children too.

JMHO.

Not Adopted

Society in general, for failing to honor and protect EVERY child.

Most societies value certain children less, such as children born "illegitimately," of mixed race, of the wrong social class, etc. These children are labeled by society and thought to be less worthy of love and protection, which results in neglect, abuse, abandonment.

Lori A

The government.

grapesgum

Adoption agencies - they don't give a squat about children and their rights.

Mei-Ling

The government in some countries (*cough* China *cough*) and society in general.

kitta

I can speak only about the country in which I live and work in legislation. And since the promotion emphasis is on adoption, not on family preservation for natural families, I will have to say it is the government.

This is also true where the issue is divorce. It is true where the issue is records access for separated families. It is true for idividuals whoses lives were created by 'donors'.

The government is interested in protecting the adoption industry, the divorce industry, and the donor conception industry. Families whose lives are harmed in the process are not heard.

The above industries lobby to keep records sealed and to keep their own business interests "safe." this means that families and children's interests will be neglected...in the USA.

Janille S

in my case it was the government. My mother adopted 5 children (me included in that number) and to be honest, my father hated us, so he was never home and when my parents who adopted me divorced we never heard from him again (this was about 3 years ago). My mother never had a lot of money. She supported 6 children for a while on her own but most of us are grown now...

she didn't make over $10,000 a year and well, life was hard. Even now, she is still struggling to help out my little siblings, two are graduating and one is in high school still. We didn't have a lot of help financially...

society just looked at us as screw up children. We were never meant to be anything but throw aways. I can say though that I have a fantastic life and am doing well for myself. I shocked the system. I have a great job and a wonderful home (I'm 21 years old). When people find out I'm adopted, it's as if they pity me... like I'm dying of a disease. It's really awful. and as a matter of fact, I am trying to find my birth mother, and it is really hard... government doesn't help with that type of thing either... I wish we could have open records...

kateiskate

Well society is huge in part to blame, especially as far as international adoptions go. Rather than realizing that children need to bond with their natural mothers, a lot of these societies scorn and shame unwed and widowed mothers into relinquishing their children because they are made to believe they are not good enough. Eliminating the social stigma against single moms in a lot of these countries and providing them with resources to help them raise their children would eliminate a lot of useless international adoption.

I also feel that adoptive parents are often neglectful to the feelings of their adopted kids. There are so many adopted kids who are made to believe they should be grateful for being "saved", and so many adopted adults who feel guilty for wanting to search that it seems to me as if adoptive parents really need to be educated more on the effects of separation from your biological family on your mind.

SJM

Well, the government isn't neglectful. They're actively involved in passing legislation that encourages single parents to walk away from their children, then erases adoptees' identities before we are old enough to defend ourselves. They are definitely active in promoting social engineering policies.

Society is neglectful. Most people don't care what happens to little babies as long as they aren't tripping over them on the sidewalk. They are unaware that we are denied legal access to our birth certificates for the entire duration of our lives. If they accidentally become informed, most find it easier to drink the kool-aid than to suffer themselves to form their own opinion based on truth, justice, and other inconvenient principles.

Carol c

You've got some great answers - many of which I agree with totally so I won't repeat the same info.
But I particularly agree with Mama Kate's list of offenders.

CF_

I think the most neglectful are people
1. Get pregnant knowing they dont want kids...
2. Keep kids they shouldnt.. (people who really should put the kids up for adoption)

gibberish

I do not think any one is neglectful that is why adoption works so that children ESCAPE neglect.

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