Why Don't Foster Families Want to take in Teenagers?

Hello. My name is Christin. I am 16 years old and in foster care. Could foster parents please answer this, but NE 1 is welcome. I have been in foster care for eleven years, on July 7 of this year. I was not placed up for adoption, until five years after entering the system. I have however been placed in several different foster families. One was extremely abusive….
Anyhow…my question is: Why it is that foster parents won’t take in teenagers? We are just as good as the babies. The only difference is that we are teenagers and there is more responsibility. There are 920 licensed foster homes in NH, (where I live), and VERY FEW of these homes are willing to take in teenagers.
If a foster family becomes licensed to become a foster family to help the children that are in foster care, teenagers SHOULD also be included with that. WE DESERVE A CHANCE TOO, and for someone to just skip over us, because we are teenagers is just hurtful. SO please could someone please put some insight into this.
Additional Details
AS for being a teenager....i am going to make a good point here. YOU WERE ALL A TEENAGER ONCE!!!! You probably tried the same crap that teenagers are putting their foster parents through. I am sorry to tell you this, but when your children grow up and are teenagers, they too will experience what the teenage foster kids do today.
Also....teenagers have a distorted perception of foster care, because 68% they entered the system at a young age and were rejected. Many teens....do some of the behaviors mentioned below to test the foster family to see if they will really stick around. Give the teen time and stick by them....the phase will end at some point. WHen families just give up on them, because of the below mentioned behaviors the teens lose hope and dive further into the "negative outside world".
Just because they are teens doesn'e mean that they don't deserve a chance.... give them one. Stuff might happen but remain there for them and things will be fine in the end. Its called luv

t79a

I don't know, i guess they're worried that you're troubled (possibly from abuse) and that they're not equipped to handle it. It's not that they think the teen is deficient, it's they think they themselves are. My husband was a teenager in foster care and we hope to finally get a home large enough one day to foster teens.

bailezra

I am so sorry for your situation.

A lot of the teenagers who were raised in the system have emotional problems and issues that are too much for many foster families to want to deal with. I'm not saying that applies to you, but because of that, I think many of the families end up specifying that they only want babies or smaller children, who don't come with so much emotional baggage.

Also, many foster families bring children into their homes with the hopes of adopting them one day, and I would imagine that many of them want younger children who they feel they had a real hand in raising. It would be great if more homes were open to teenagers, but that isn't the case. I hope that you end up finding a good family to take care of you and love you the way you deserve.

As for my reasons for not having a teen
I am a new foster to adopt parent and i am only looking for kids 0-5 because that is the age range my daughter is and i don't think i would know how to parent a teen. I feel that as my daughter gets older and i learn (parenting is a learing process you learn as you go along and there are new things with each age group) how to handle a teen I will increase my age avaiblity if i still have room in my house for a teen
I will be honest i am scared to. I have talked to other foster parents and the things there foster teens have put them through, running away, yelling, drugs, for those who were abused they may abuse the kids you have in the home.
I know you are not like that put it has tainted my views on fostering teens

cmc

Wow, your post is great. It makes me want to run out and foster a teen - honestly. I've been talking about it with my husband but it is a ways down the road for us. We are living in Asia now and we're not sure when we will return to the US. Also our daughter (adopted) is only 2, so we may wait until she's a little older.

The only reason not to foster a teen is what you already know - teens are hard enough when you've raised them from birth, and getting them when they are already a teen can be even tougher (at least that is the stereotype). However your arguments about why they deserve a chance are really powerful, and I hope someone considering a teen will read your message and be moved by it.

desarae j

I am sorry to hear your situation! I am becomming a foster parent and all I want to have is teenagers.I dont understand why that happens either but there is always hope.For example I was in foster care at 14 and I have a friend that was also in foster care in the same home as me. She wasnt adopted til she was 17! But these people who adopted her were great! and she has a wanderful life and a "new" loving(for a change) family.So keep your head up and good luck kido!

Kandre D

The first guy to answer this is right... this is the REASON some people don't want to take in teenagers.
However, he is wrong.
Teenagers do deserve a chance, and you sound like a pretty decent person. All the time you have spend in foster care and in abusive homes must have been tough, and it would be reason enough to change a person into a negative state for life... I have seen it first hand (at school)... but you seem to keep good spirits. I think you deserve a family as much as any cute, tiny, helpless baby, and I think teenagers are wonderful and if nothing else need more support than an infant. I wish you the best of luck and I think you should know you are probably stronger for having endured what you have. You will be 18 soon enough and have your own life and possibly your own children... I am sorry for what you missed, and being a biological child who was raised with their mother, I don't know exactly how you feel but if you would like message me back on one of my questions with your e-mail address if you have one as I would like to know more... I am looking into being a foster parent! thanks!

corcoranfaire

We are foster parents and the initial reason we weren't looking at teens for a perminent placement is because we had read everything about keeping children in birth order if at all possible. We have children ages 11 boy, 14 boy, and 18 girl and so thought a child or sibling group under 11 was the best fit for everyone.

However, in addition to doing respite care for several young children while waiting on a perminent placement, we have done respite care for a 15 yr old girl. The entire family enjoyed having her here and could really see her as part of the family. We asked the agency we deal with if we could foster her, but they didn't see it as a good fit because of the other children close to her age and some other issues she has, so we just plan on staying in touch with her and keep doing respite for her whenever we can.

We have already discussed that as the children we have in the home age, the age of the children we foster/adopt will also. Just wanted to let you know for some people like us, it is just more about what point we are at with the other children than anything to do with teens and at some point we do hope to foster teens. Good luck with finding a perminent foster/adopt home. They are out there. :)

~ Kate ~

I agree highly that teenagers deserve a chance too.

I think people are more inclient to adopt babies and younger children, because they are not shaped as people yet. You become your own individual person through many factors, including genes, your own identity, environment and parents. Parents teach their children morals.
Teens and older children however, are already shaped as people, they have morals and can express their own opinions and minds.
I dont really think it's much to do with sterotypical teenage vales.

I'm 16 - and i certinaly dont get raving drunk, stay out till redicular hours OR party.

Kat

i wouldnt kow anything about what goes on in foster families mins but maybe they think that because yur that age that you'll be independant soon and get your own house and some families might feel that they will just get to know you then you leave. others might thin that you dont mind not being fostered as your older than other children so you can cope whereas other children need a family enviroment im not saying i know anything about fostering it was just a thought and deepest sympathy x

alicej84

I would love to foster teenagers, but I am not yet eligible to be a foster parent. And unfortunately I am in Canada.

Big Blue

Teenagers grow up and become adults usually at the age of 18. Most people would rather take care of a child for a long time than to just get the child at 16, then the child graduates and move on to college and adulthood a year later. Who wants to spend just one year taking care of a child instead of 18?

jazz41

because everyon is afraid that the girls are too seductive and t he boys are on drugs.

waitin2basked

they probably just want a baby to start out with you know? teenagers already have their own way of life and the parents probably wants their child to grow up and be just like them and have their family ways after them.

~ Mayor ~

You are missing the keyword, "TEENAGER".

When you are in your teens, you think you are invincible. Teenagers don't want to listen to stuff, are rebellious in nature and when a parent ask you to go north, teenagers almost always go south. Not to mention teenage pregnancies, drunken driving driving deaths and drugs, all thrive when you are a teenager...

I feel sorry for you but in reality, No one wants to deal with stuff like that...

Michelle

I recently met a foster teenager and this experience rattled me. He was 17, soon to be 18 and we had a great conversation. To see this smart, adorable teenager bounced from one home to another broke my heart. I am thinking of being a foster parent to teenagers. I cannot have children of my own, but maybe I can help children who are going through a rough time. The boy that I met was moved so I havent seen him. Very saddened by children being moved around like luggage.

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: