Why Don't People get that Adoptive Families are Different to Biological Families?

Gaia Raain

Seems that part of the problem is major ADHD. No one can stay on the subject long enough to see the point.

Yes, adoptive families are different from biological families. All children are concieved by one man and one woman. So far, that's the only way to create a child. Adoptive families create a situation where the child is not raised by those who created him/her, the loss of the people who created them is seldom recognized without minimizing (see above posters' inability to handle this one subject without minimizing by adding in unrelated items of interest), and the child's identity is changed and hidden from them for the remainder of their life.

Obviously, this is a difficult, painful subject that brings up a lot of emotion. If we could just focus, and not try to minimize, deny, explain, justify, or back adoptees and their first parents into a corner to get just the right answer, we might just learn something of value. If it's too tough of a subject for those who AREN'T adopted to sit and listen and try to understand...how do you think adoptees feel? They're the ones who are living with these emotions, 24/7. A little respect, maybe?

Lori A

They have never done it or they want it to be the same so badly.

tish

because adoption is the new pregnant!!--minus all of that weight gain, stretchmarks, pushing, and other "primitive" pregnancy stuff.

LaraSue

Don't you mean are different than biological familes? All families are different, I think most people do get that. Yes, even me.

Jennifer L

Of course there are differences. But there are similarities as well.

To answer the second part of your question, I think the source of most of the disagreements here is the tendency to paint every adoption situation and the people involved, with the same brush.

IDK!!

They ARE different, BUT they are MORE similar then they are different.

Sophie

ALL families are different! ALL.

I don't think it is the reason people disagree in here. People disagree in here because these questions only portray a snapshot of the person's thought process and not an entire portrait. People jump to conclusions in here. People hate others people for having differences of opinions. People want to be accepted and may say the popular thing. People are self-centered and think that they're always RIGHT and others are always wrong. People are ignorant about many issues in which they argue about... I could go on and on...

Hi T

are you

Rowan

All families are different. Doesn't mean Biological families are better then adoptive, which to me, is what you are implying. Trust me, my biological family is FAR worse then my adoptive family.

Gershom

Inherently different is correct!

As if the comparison can even be made that its the same to plan for a conception / child than it is to adopt a child.

TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

Maybe its the industry selling adoption as an alternative to natural families, or fake birth certificates, lack of resources through so many agencies that hide the reality of life as an adoptee. Maybe its the promotional materials used to tell AP's its all about them and their needs.

I dont know HOW people don't see this, but hopefully for the adoptee's sake in their life, they WILL. and SOON.

ETA: no, if she's saying "all" families are different instead of acknowledging the real differences that exist between natural and adoptive families, then I don't think she DOES get it. actually.

England Auden

I don't think they ARE different.

I was adopted and the only differences I see aside from how the family came to have their child are the differences that are between every family everywhere.. Eye colour, hair colour, skin colour, whether or not they like mustard.. It's all superfluous. At the end of the day I see my family as MY family no matter how we came together.. Just like biological kids view their families.

Independ"ant"

It goes against those myths they believe in.

By acknowledging it they will be forced to see that adoption doesn't solve all the rationals they use to justify the justification of adoption.

Kazi

It depends on the context.

They are different in the sense that one family was created through conception and the other was not.

However they are the same in the sense of love and commitment and relationships and shared history.

And the fact that they are both very real families.

If people sound defensive, I think it is because there is an implication that "different" means "less than."

Serenity71

I just accept that our family came together in an unconventional way. I don't even think about what i have never known. ( Having a healthy baby from my own body.)

Some people will accept this others will be curious about it. Those never touched by it will just want to know what its like I guess to adopt a child or be adopted or give up a child.

I wonder what my child's generation will say about all of this, since their adoptions are so different from previous generations. (And no I'm not talking about the US system.)

Indian-vision

I see the maximum comparisons coming from adoptee in this section.

I do see most adoptive parents "getting it".

P.S- Before you "report abuse me". This is not an attack. Just like i don't see your question as an attack .

Kelly

Why do they have to be different? Because other people point this out? Because it says so on a piece of paper? A family is a family is it not? My aunty adopted a daughter and what? She's still my cousin, she's family never treated her any different from any other family member, love her no different either. It only becomes an issue when someone makes it an issue.

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