Why are most of these responses negative towards adoption?

Heather B

Adoption in the UK is a social service for children and also they have access to their own records and have information about their origins throughout their life.

I think the objections are to the way adoption is practised in the USA where adoption is a multi-billion, yes billion dollar business where children are commodities, coercive practices are used to procure newborns and adoptees live in the dark as to where they came from because of antiquated sealed and secret birth records.

I hope this clears things up for you and I'm glad your chidren will be treated humanely. I wish that for every child.

celtic.piskie

Bottom line, you don't have a crystal ball.
You don't KNOW that the child's life will be better with you, as you think.

Each LA in england gets Â£50,000 for a successful adoption.

Newborns are easier to adopt out.

A schitzophrenic woman, who always takes her meds, hadn't had an episode for two years, was declared an unfit mother and had her child taken away.

THAT'S why adoption is wrong.

It's rare that a child is removed for abuse.

Usually it's simply parents beung ignorant and poor.

The whole system is flawed.

The entire process is flawed.

Read the books reccomended.
Really think about why you want to do this.

Is it to help yourself, or the children?

magic pointe shoes

You can't play the moral card with regards to the UK, when because of the quotas to adopt children being emphasized has caused many infants to be pre-emptively taken from their parents to fill that quota at the potential of neglect. Just because a child has been taken away in the UK doesn't necessarily mean that action was justified.

PhilM

My standard answer:

As an adoptee, I want people to understand that adoption is a very complicated proposition, rife with emotional pitfalls. I have never felt unequivocally happy about my adoption, even while I love my adoptive parents. Why? Because adoption starts with loss. The one person in the whole world who should have loved the child and cared for him or her more than anything in the world either couldn't or wouldn't. That's a loss. That loss needs to be acknowledged by society, and it rarely is.

In most adoptions, when the adoption finalizes, the birth certificate is changed to something that is a lie. Mine says that my (adoptive) mother gave birth to me. But that is simply false. And my original birth certificate is then sealed away forever out of my sight. People on a daily basis tell me that I should be grateful for having parents who loved me, as though I didn't deserve love and care. We even get asked if we would rather have been aborted, as though grieving our loss is somehow impermissible because we could have lost more. Adoptees and their perspectives (please note the plural - I am not saying there is only one perspective from adoptees) are often marginalized. We have little voice in the discussion.

Until society is willing to have an honest discussion about the effects of adoption on children (the ones that adoption is supposed to help), I (and many others) will speak out about it, and will be called "fringe" and worse.

DevonChaos

I see it as wrong that babies are given up because of finances. There are resources in our country to help people out in a time of need. Somehow this has become something to look down on. I was given up for such reasons, and because my mother felt she was too young to raise a child.
The agencies, at least in America (I'm not savvy on the UK) do their best to talk women out of their children. Women go to them confused, looking for options, but the only option these agencies seem to be interested in is making $$$ from prospective parents who want a child. There should be no profit anywhere when it comes to finding homes for children who truly need them. This, in my mind, is despicable.
There are many things wrong with adoption in this country. People seem to be very quick to judge and discount the feelings of adopted folks, and chalk it up to them being "bitter" or "damaged". If people would listen with an open mind, perhaps the solution to making our country's adoptions system less flawed would be right there in front of them.

cantstopLinnyG

Yeah. You're wrong. So is your logic. "I could offer a child love, support, encouragement, stability and opportunities that previously would not have been available to them." In the case of newborn adoption, this is almost NEVER the case.

Most adoptees here are pro foster parenting and foster to adopt, where, as you said, some of those kids have been removed from their homes. That is the only time adoption is acceptable to me. Newborn and International adoption is nothing but human trafficking and is all about the parent- never the child.

Here are some links about how adoption affects the child.

http://www.nancyverrier.com
http://www.amfor.net/acs
http://www.exiledmothers.com/adoption_facts/adoption_coercion.html
Read these books:
Books:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Lost and Found: the Adoption Experience AND
Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness both by Betty Jean Lifton
The Adopted break Silence by Jean Paton
The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler
Adoption: Uncharted Waters,by David Kirschner
Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self by David Brodzinsky
Twenty Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

SJM

Adoption provides the opportunity to escape one's problems. I would rather deal with my problems.

Due to adoption, I have two separate families. One is my blood relatives, and the other is the family who raised me. I've no desire whatsoever to pretend that one or the other of them does not exist. I prefer to deal with both of them as openly and honestly as possible. Adoption was designed to provide me the opportunity to pretend my blood relatives do not exist. Because I refuse to pretend and insist upon the opportunity to recognize them, somehow, my opinion is viewed as 'negative'. IMO, the opposite is true.

Adoption is an unnecessary political game. It's a game that is played on a much larger scale as well. I can look at a map and clearly see Cuba. Yet, my nation refuses to recognize the existence of that nation due to it's political structure. Simply put, that's dumb. It solves nothing. It changes nothing. It improves nothing, and it's not reality. It's just a silly political game, and I refuse to incorporate it into my personal life.

Isabel A

The bottom line is babies are actually thinking people and they want to be with their mothers. they have sent 40 weeks bonding in utero and they want their mothers.
No amount of "love and support" from a complete stranger can really change that. Face it, if you are adopting an infant, you will not smell right, feel right or be right to them. babies know their mothers. there is empirical evidence to back this up.
It doesn't mean that being adopted is a death sentence or anything but you have to understand that at least initially, an infant will not see a stranger as their mother, even if you catch them in the delivery room. even if you get to cut the cord.
I know it sounds strange to hear adoptees saying they don't like to be adopted and it is a lot of them saying it. There is loss for many of us and it is very real. And people who adopt should know that before jumping in.

Randy B

You just have to remember that everyone has their own personal outlook at that their views are shaped by their personal experiences or feelings on the subject.

You also have to remember that like minded people (regardless of the subject) tend to congregate. It's not a bad thing, it's just the way things are I think. Many times those who have issues with adoption drown out those who don't and at the same time those who don't can drown out those who do.

Read the questions and comments, as your own questions and read the answers and then formulate your own opinions. Only you know what is right for you.

myst1998

Why would you be shocked?

Why would anyone be positive about anything that contradicts Nature's way? Why would anyone celebrate the loss suffered between mother and baby? You have some reading to do... start with "The Primal Wound" by Nancy Verrier and both of the Betty Jean Lifton's books and "The Secret Life of the Unborn Child" by Thomas Verny. They may help you realise that the mother/child bond is there for a reason and it is unethical to promote the separation of mother/child for any reason other than where abuse and neglect has taken place.

In the UK, in the past few months, I have heard many disturbing stories of children being STOLEN by social workers from anyone with a history of mental illness or poverty and put up for adoption. It has become a disturbing trend and is all about meeting targets for having children adopted. The only problem is that it is tearing families apart and why anyone would want a child who already has a MOTHER is beyond me. There are plenty of children who (yes they also have parents) are in the foster care system but cannot live with their parents for x reasons and need a home. Why not look into that instead? Or finding a different way to get involved with a child's life?

Adoption is not a solution to infertility, 2 problems do not make a solution, they only double the issues and complexities.

Velto

My wife and I, adopted a baby girl, over four years ago. It is the best decision we ever made. She is a wonderful little angel, and we love her dearly. She is the light of our world. She is as much a part of me, as my natural son, who is 10 years older than her. We are very proud of our soon to be 5 year old. She is the greatest blessing of our life. Don't listen to all the naysayers.

silverxeno

My husband was given over to the US foster system b/c his mother had abandoned him & 2 sisters. The grandparents were trying their hardest to raise them all, but felt it was "easier" to keep 2 girls...because as they grew they chould share a room & hand down clothes. Plus, my husband was the oldest...and at 8 years old he was finally given over. He was placed with a family who loved him & when he was 13 they adopted him. He LOVES his adoptive family. He wishes he never had to deal with his biological family. Because his sisters were old enough to remember him & his foster family allowed his bio family to keep in contact with him during his foster years(or rather, the social services allowed the visits), he sort of feels annoyed by the "extra" family.

BUT...the vast majority of children in the system have been hurt & abused (and I use abused in a broad sense...emotionally, some physically, mentally...etc). Even if someone shows them all the love in the world...the child might not EVER want to let go of that hurt. They may be okay at first...but then start to think their new parents will give them up like the first ones did. Or they are forever waiting for social services to show up & take them...so they put up barriers to prevent them from getting attached. Even in small children this happens.

There can be anger issues & developmental problems...all brought on by their environment & a lack of respect for human life & dignity.

When my husband was 13 & his family was going to adopt him...he had to have his birth mother sign documents terminating her parental rights. Because of his age, services allowed him to go with a counselor to his birth mother. The counselor says sometimes the process can take hours for the two of them to talk about what's happening...get closure...sign papers...say goodbye, etc. My husband's termination process took less than 15 minutes. Because he knows he found his "true" family...he one day wants to adopt a child into our family to give that child the chance he was given. We have 2 girls of our own (naturally)...and we figure we will wait a few year b/c of his military service until we have settled down. He would like to adopt an older child...and although I have my reservations about that, I would like to go along with him on it.

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