Why are people against adopting newborns?

Cheryle

Diane,
My husband & I adopted 23 years ago,we loved her birth mom & was so proud that she had picked us to raise this precious little angel. We do not feel birthmom:s should be judged, all situations are different, but the one's who so choose to place their baby for adoption with a loving family wants the best for the baby & has a heart .I believe that if you are not ready to take the responsibilities of raising a baby with your b.f right now then that is best all the way around. I am happy for the woman who is adopting your baby, i know how it is to want a baby so bad that you can "t hardly stand it.So don't feel that you are being judged. When you get older & want to take in a teenager you will be more prepare to do so.You are giving this woman a special little miracle.My husband & I would like to find another little angel to love. Blessings.

kaitlyn c

Some believe that if a mother who is pregnant makes the decision to give her baby up for adoption before it is born, then she will be more easily talked into giving her baby away when she may not want to. Some mothers choose to give their children up for adoption without fully understanding that there is financial help available to them. Some people believe that adoption agencies pressure suseptable young women into giving up their children. This isnt always the case. But, sometimes, adoption agencies have their own agendas in mind, not what is in best interest of mother and child. Some parents who give their newborns up for adoption are making the best choice for their baby, knowing that they cant provide for them in the way that they need, such as if they are addictect to drugs or simply dont WANT to have a child. While other mothers are sometimes convinced (by adoption agencies or family or anyone) they are not ready for a child simply because of age/race/ economic status/ and so on. Thats why some people dont believe in newborn adoption, because in some cases, mothers are talked out of keeping a child that they could have, or may have wanted to care for.

*ok, to the people with really negative comments, let me just say, I AM ADOPTED and I am THANKFUL to both sets or parents. Babies 'want' to be rased by whoever will love and care for them, wheather thats biological or not. I dont REGRET it, and I have friends who are adopted also, and they don't regret it eigther. so, 99%? wow, thats a little high.*

tish_part deux

because newborn adoption is a mult-billion dollar business made to provide babies for people who can't have their own; and can afford to spend about $30K on a baby. quite honestly, if there was so many young women who just wanted to give up their babies, why is there so much marketing to convince young woman to give up their babies? why is the mother "marketed to" and sold on the fact that "she is a bad parent", "strangers with a SUV and house in the burbs are better parents", et al.

also, many young women CAN parent if given support and information about assistance programs.

one more thing...you CAN NOT guarantee that your child will have "a better live." you can not guarantee that the people who adopt your child will love your child "as if they had their own." you can not guarantee that your baby will be raised in a two parent household., et al.

you might have made your choice, and i wish you luck, but it think it's unfair to assume that many who question adoption practices are (as some posters believe) bitter and angry.

oh.. the dumpster argument is another tactic to justify birthing babies for people who can't!

Anha S

Lack of ethics in the industry. Money changing hands for human lives. The use of the open adoption carrot to procure more infants even though in the majority of places open adoption is in no way enforceable. Coercion designed to make a woman feel incapable of raising her own flesh and blood so the agency can cash in. The treatment of women and children like commodities. I've seen enough absolutely vile PAP blogs as well that just cinch my opinion for me. That's really just a drop in the bucket.

You won't always be in college. You won't always be lacking financially. Adoption however is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And adoption is not better. It's different. Adoptive parents aren't superheroes. They aren't immune to drug and alcahol addictions, divorce, financial problems, or abuse. They aren't wonderful people for being "willing" to adopt. They got what they wanted. A child. They aren't special people for getting something they wanted to begin with. Just because you hand pick someone doesn't mean that things are going to be peachy. Your child already has a family. you.

I wouldn't have been aborted. My nmom decided against that. And had I not been adopted, I would have been raised. With family. With my sisters. Where I belonged. Nary a dumpster in sight. The abortion/dumpster argument is highly offensive, and is used far far too often. Usually as justification for the practice of newborn adoption.

minimouse68

I was never going to be aborted, my first mum never considered it.
My first mum raised the 3 children she had after me, so I wouldn't have ended up in a dumpster either........such charming things you come out with when you try to convince others to agree with your point of view........
I adore my adoptive family, without doubt they are wonderful people.
I HATE being adopted. I hated growing up feeling abandoned and unwanted, and still to this day (Im 42) struggle with the issues caused by being surrendered by my first family. It destroyed my first mum, she didn't want to give me up, she was forced to by her parents.......her sin? Being single.
I absolutely loathe this theory that people have that kids need lots of stuff.....its simply not true.
I also hate the theory that young pregnant girls somehow owe their children to those who cant have their own. Newborn adoption is an exploitative practice that trades babies for money. Sweetie, fact is you have NO IDEA how you will feel about YOUR child once he or she is born, but you've put yourself in a position, with the help of others Im sure, where it is going to be very difficult to change your mind.
Fact is, children deserve to grow up feeling wanted by those who made them.
They have the right to genetic mirroring (who's nose do I have etc..).
They have the right to know their siblings, their aunts and uncles, cousins etc.
They have the right to access to a full and complete medical history.
I too would have much rather grown up with my first mothers apologies, instead of my adoptive family's wealth. It doesn't mean I don't love my adoptive family, and incidentally they would have been happy for me to know my first family anyway.....adoption is simply too high a price for a child to have to pay for stuff.

Aislin

I'm not even going to get into the whys with you. Other people have covered that. I do have one little thing to say though. My child would not have ended up in a dumpster or aborted nor would the child of any natural mother I know. Please stop saying crap like that. Those situations are so far removed from each other its pathetic. Women that put babies in dumpsters are usually mentally ill. Natural mothers usually love their children beyond reason. Stop with the negative stereotypes already.
Seriously would your baby have ended up aborted or in a dumpster?

Pip

I'm not going to judge you as I have no right to but on the other hand please don't take what I have to say personally as what I have to say comes from personal experience as well as general feelings on the subject.

"Why are people against adopting newborns?" - because generally there is no need for this to happen. There are exceptions to the rule such as if the mother dies in childbirth and there isn't anybody else to look after the baby or the parents are a real threat to the baby.

"Ive read some hateful things under the adoption section about people thinking its wrong to adopt newborns. I don't understand it. Yes there are a lot of foster children and yes it is sad, but why hate anyone who is willing to adopt?" - I don't hate anybody who wants to adopt whether it's a baby or an older child. It's human nature to be a parent so if that means adopting or fostering then I really do get it.

"Some people are meant to foster children and some people are meant to nurture a baby and raise it from birth on. Would you rather the babies go in a dumpster or be aborted?" - Actually very few babies are abandoned and those that are generally the mother is young, frightened and is so scared that she doesn't know what to do so I don't judge mothers who do as I don't know them personally or why they did what they did. As for the abortion argument it's got nothing to do with adoption - it's a separate issue. Anyway any expectant mother who doesn't want to parent shouldn't be forced to endure 9 months of pregnancy just to supply a couple with a baby.

From personal experience I was pregnant at 19 and had just split from my boyfriend. However I didn't abort because I wanted to raise my baby plus I was working so wouldn't have had to claim benefits to help me raise my child. My son was adopted for no better reason than that's what my parents wanted so was bullied and lied into surrendering. I actually find it mildly offensive that you assume that if a newborn who was adopted would have been dumped if they hadn't been adopted.

The reality is there are mothers such as yourself who choose adoption but there also others who feel pressured into surrendering simple because they are told they are selfish, not rich enough, not old enough ... do you want me to go on.

Given the choice between abortion or adoption I would rather have aborted than live this living hell of adoption. The right thing to have done would have been to support my choice to be a mother.

The point is nobody should be force to do something just because others don't like their personal choice. Oh and incidently I didn't have more children due to infertility (hubby) BUT because of what I went through we couldn't have adopted a newborn because we would have been so scared that another mother was put through the same as me. What happened to me was the worst experience I have ever been through and will never get over. I have had to learn to deal with it but it doesn't make it right.

AdoreHim

I agree that there are many children in the foster care system that should be adopted. However, I don't think that people should not adopt infants just because of that. Granted those older children need homes, but if no one adopts an infant, either that infant will be aborted or also placed in foster care. I was adopted as a newborn, and my hubby and I adopted 2 newborns as well. We even tried to adopt 2 older children (brother and sister) and because we were of a different race they said, NO- so it is not as easy as people think to adopt an older child. I know that it will be very hard for you to place your baby for adoption, but I want to thank you for loving your child enough to choose life.

Becca

Im certianly not. I believe adoption is wonderful. (Iam an adopted kid) My parents got me however when I was 3 months old. I think what your doing is exteremely brave, alot of women would just abort the child, and thats really not right. Adoption is a fabulous thing. I have known Im adopted since I was little, and I have had everything I could almost ask for because I was adopted. I cant explain how other ppl feel, youll have to do some reasearch, but as for adoption I think at whatever age its g-ds greatest gift if a women cant give the child a complete life.

Josephine

You want to take in a teenager who has been in the 'system' for that long?

Oh hon, you're going to change your mind real quick!

I have a child who was adopted at birth. So obviously, I see nothing wrong with new born adoption. But you ask a question that has many sides, and you will hear many that you won't like. Do not come here seeking approval for your actions, while there are many, like myself, who think you are nobel, many others will say unkind things. My comment will get voted down and I may get some negative comments in some the other answers. But if you know what you are doing is right for you and for the baby, then that is all you have to know and good luck

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