Why are so many people only interested in adopting infants?

Heather B

Because adoption is no longer a social service for children.

It's become a multi-billion dollar industry which covets babies to its paying customers' demands serving the customers' best interests over that of the children.

What it has turned into is a mess

ETA: To the first answerer. I disagree. Babies are not 'blank slates'

monkeykitty83

I think there are several reasons for choosing an infant:

1.) Feeling they would be "missing out" on the milestones of childhood: first steps, first word, first day of kindergarten, etc.

2.) Desire to recreate the experience of raising a biological child as closely as possible, if they are unable to conceive.

3.) Concern that an older child will be "damaged," have psychological disturbances, have behaviour problems, etc.

I can sort of understand the first reason, as those are important parenting experiences, but at the same time there's a lot more to the overall parenting experience than any of those specific things. I don't think that starting from infancy is necessary to have a "complete" parenting experience, as parenting is more complex and emotional than just watching your kids hit developmental milestones.

The second reason doesn't really work. An adopted child is not the same as a biological child, and parenting an adopted child requires some different things. An adopted child may turn out not to be like their adoptive parents in personality, interests, gifts, appearance, etc. So you can't really adopt a child as a substitute-- children can't be replaced. An adopted child needs to be accepted on his/her own terms.

The third one is tricky, because parenting an older child DOES require dedication, patience, and perhaps a greater degree of unconditional love. Not because these kids are worth less than others, but because they have extra needs that must be met. However, I think a lot of older kids, especially foster kids, are stereotyped. A child isn't a delinquent or predator because of being in foster care. Being abused doesn't mean a child can't find happiness and some measure of healing with kind caretakers. Having some extra behaviour or emotional issues doesn't make a kid bad, or unworthy of love.

These kids deserve all the good things possible in life... but they're passed over, because of concerns they'll be too much trouble, or the prospective parents' fears that they can't deal. That's sad. And I think it's often unnecessary.

I do on one level get wanting an infant. Parenting an older child ISN'T an identical experience. But it's at least as emotionally rewarding-- if not more so-- and it's very worthwhile. I wish more people who wanted to adopt would at least CONSIDER an older child instead of a baby or a toddler.

Randy B

I really don't think this impression is 100% accurate. Studies done a few years ago by academics at McGill University in Canada showed that about 85% of the people surveyed related that they would gladly adopt older children and many of them said they would consider adoptions of children with disabilities and such. The problem was though that they sited a number of reasons why they either didn't or wouldn't adopt under the current systems. They sited such things as a lack of coordination between agencies and departments, a lack of available resources for assistance after adoption and other various reasons. I've posted quotes from the study before however I'm not on my usual computer at this time and I don't have the link to the studies to cut and paste a more comprehensive breakdown. Either way, to me it indicates that people would adopt older children if the assistance and supports were in place to assist them.

DevonChaos

Because the "industry" perpetuates this. People WRONGLY assume that these babies will just fit perfectly into their families because they are blank slates. People want what they believe they cannot have on their own.

I think that another perpetuated myth is that older children who are also up for adoption are somehow "damaged goods". They, in fact, need a family more than the infant. A healthy infant will always find someone willing to take them. An older child, regardless of health and mental conditions, will be harder to place.

I think many people feel that to get the "full experience" of parenting, they must start with a child as young as possible to raise them "as if".

Wrong, very wrong. There are many children out there needing homes. Some have problems that need to be dealt with. This doesn't make them any less in need.

myst1998

Like Heather said, adoption is no longer about the needs of a child/baby these days but has become a service for those who cannot have babies naturally to seek what they WANT (vs what they actually need) elsewhere.

To actually think in your mind (not 'you' but anyone in general) it is okay for a mother and baby to part so that another couple, biological, spiritual etc strangers can raise him/her is actually unethical. Nature has not intended mothers and their babies to be separated and to do this creates issues, heartache and pain that resound through generations. We are now in the age of "I'll have whatever I can have whatever way I can regardless of how it affects another human being". Most infants are NOT being given up willingly... much coercion, brainwashing and pressure is applied so these women feel guilty for even wanting to raise their OWN babies.

Adoption has outlived its need to exist in a world where secrets are no longer acceptable. There are many other ways of caring for a child in NEED of care out of their natural family and the adoption guillotine is not necessary. Permanent Care, parenting orders, custody, guardianship... anything short of an actual adoption order which only seeks to serve those adopting and not the child or their natural parents at all.

Infant adoption is a very sick practise today indeed. It has become a business and a baby has become a mere commodity to be sold and purchased by the highest bidder. Children are not seen as human beings merely objects to fulfil a desire. Unethical and immoral, infant adoption should be the first to go.

And one last point, it has been proven babies ARE NOT blank slates when born. Anyone who chooses to believe this do so at the detriment of the child and to fulfil their own purpose.

SoNotTheTypical

i am not sire why but right now we only have room for one more child . i have a daughter who is 16 months . and wanted to get an older child like in there early teens or around 9 or so . but i know that we will . so not everyone wants infants

kangaroo

I went into adoption only wanting older children. I love the idea of finding out what our kiddo's personality is like, her interests, and especially her memories. I like the idea of being able to integrate her immediately into our family activities, and learning from her. I like that she is coming to our family with an already established sense of her own culture, and that (with careful nurturing, hopefully) she won't need to relearn her own language. I like that she may have clear memories of her birth family, to help with her sense of self later on, even if we are unlikely to find them. And, we are up to the inevitable challenge.

Minnimouse

Adoptive parents often wish to raise a child as if it were their biological child and one without problems. A child they can watch growing without any "baggage".

And some of these answers are incredible.

Let's clear a few things up.

a) Babies are not blank slates. Babies are born with a personality and some people claim to remember being in the womb and scientists are starting to discover this is possible.

b) I see a lot of isms here. Discrimination against disabled children, discrimination against innocent children who happen to have problems because of other people. Sure, it takes money and time and emotional strength, but even infants develop serious issues in later years.

Sure, many infant adoptions go well, but many also don't. Babies are also not all perfect and problem free. If they had an inheritted condition (mental or physical) that came up later, would it be okay to take them back for a refund? What if they were in an accident and you had to care for their every need?

c) Adopting a child from foster care, even if they have problems, will take them out of an insecure place, and if placed with a nurturing family with empathy and compassion then that experience will lead them to a better path. Many foster children go from home to home, constantly rejected and misplaced. Many of them turn out fine, but others enter into a patturn of distruction that could be avoided if more people would consider adopting from foster care.

Rowan

Well, because it's the whole blank slate theory, in a sense. A lot of people feel they will bond easier with a child the younger they are. The older a child is, the harder people think it will be. So, they go for infants. That way, they get to experience all the milestones, such as first word, first steps, first everything. Sadly, this leaves out so many children who need homes, and will never get them because they are considered too old.

It's really sad.

JennaBear

Because many people still believe that infants are blank slates and that they will have experienced less trauma than older children and so will be able to be molded into fitting into the family. Also, infants have little remembrance of their first family, so parents believe that they can just pretend the child is their own, without having to acknowledge the first family.

Children who are older have more baggage, and since many Ap's aren't adopting for selfless reasons like wanting to provide a home for a child (they would rather have a child/infant for their home, if you catch that difference), they end up adopting infants.

durdenslabs

Because a lot of people want a baby. They think that an older child can't bond with them or love them like a baby can. They think older children were rejected by their bio parents for some reason so they can't possibly be worth raising. They think they are "damaged goods" and don't want the baggage.

There are many ignorant reasons that people won't adopt older children.

Fortunately I'm not ignorant. :) We're adopting a 9 or 10 yr old boy. Hopefully by the end of this year if all goes well.

I feel that older children, because they have been through so much, deserve a family a lot more than an infant that has a better chance right off the bat.

Gabbie

The reason is that so many people out there long for a baby. And if they cannot conceive a baby, they want to adopt a baby. They want to be able to raise a child from infant to adult.

Now I used to be a social worker and I have seen these kinds of people and I can understand where they come from. They want a baby even though there are over 1,000,000 foster kids in the United States looking for forever families, as my favorite radio host Delilah puts it. They get so blind by the yearn for a baby, they forget about the older ones.

It's sad, I know. And while people should adopt older kids, it's good they also adopt babies. Both ways, they are helping a child have a lasting home.

I have never adopted, but I have given up my son for adoption when I was 16. The hardest decision I ever had to make. But I made that decision. And the couple who adopted him, was looking to adopt just a baby. No older children. Back then I thought that was fine. But now that I look back on it, I think "What would've made such a big difference? They were helping a child either way?". Some people just get so hooked on the idea of a baby, that's all they want.

Daisey Duck

Being a parent is a learning experience. When you don't have any children you don't know how to deal with a older child or a teenager. Let alone one who has possibly been abused or mistreated. You get the experience as you raise your child. A young couple wants a young baby that way the family can grow together, and they can develop their parenting skills. Those who have older children are more prepared to handle the problems that come with older children. Every age group is different in the way you have to parent them, and if you don't know how to it's a bad thing for all concerned especially the child.

Sam, Leah, and Abbie's Mommy

Most people are looking to raise the baby from the beginning. Most older children come from troubled backgrounds and most people don't want to deal with that. Some people will feel like they didn't raise the child for a long enough time. We adopted our daughter as an infant. Her birth mother chose us, but we were on the list to get a child to foster when we were chosen to be the parents of our daughter. I would like to adopt in the future, perhaps an older child. I believe that every child deserves a chance and a proper home.

blue +you =new

i know its unfair, but peopoe like to start out with babies and see them GROW. they don't really enjoy the experience as much if they adopt an 8 year old. so yeah. My parents are adopting a baby that's not even born yet. They will get her when she is 2 days old.

Nurse AmyLynn is Mommy to 3

with older children you have more things to work through...there is rejection and bonding issues that you don't have as much with infants that don't remember their previous life.

be our bee

I know what you mean. But I understand where they're coming from, too. If you adopt an infant, there's less of a chance that they will have "issues". If you adopt, say, a five-year-old, and they were abused or neglected, they could have psychological problems that might be hard to deal with. It's sad, but true.

jazzyt08

because if u get a baby while its an infant it has a chance of growing in to the family and having similar ways like its surroundings while if u get a 7 or 8 year old they're going to want to know where is my real my parents why they didn't want them but an infant u can tell them when u feel the time is right

Enter Your Message or Comment

User Name:
User Email:
Post a comment: