Why are some people horrible towards women who give their babies up for adoption?

suziejoy

I am sure that you will one day tho meet your mum And I am also sure that you have been in her thoughts everyday since she gave you up
As far as the horrible people are concerned they dont know how it would be unless they have been in a simalar situation thereselves
you sound like you are well ajusted and balanced and accepting your situation so there is no need for you to discuss with anyone else after all its no ones buisness but your own good luck

Doodlestuff

You ask a really good question. Women who have given up their children for adoption are treated terribly mostly by OTHER WOMEN. They are also treated more harshly than women who have had abortions. The more religious (supposedly) they are, the more judgemental and harsh. I don't have an answer for you. I can confirm, however, that this is how I was treated. The few men I told were nothing but supportive.

melissa s

because they are ignorant, i am also adopted, along with my 5 siblings, i do not know who is saying this to you but i have been blessed with not having to hear such rubbish, ignore those people, you have a good attitude have some understanding that some people just are too stupid to know what they are talking about

Heather B

I was wondering the same thing. It's usually after the relinquishment that they get badmouthed

Prior to relinquishment they are 'selfless angels' but suddenly after the adoption is done and dusted they miraculously all turn into 'drug addicted abusers' in the eyes of some

Personally, as an adoptee, I think people should think very carefully about how they speak about Adoptees' first mothers. When you speak badly of their mothers, you speak badly of the adoptee because they are a part of them

redpeach_mi

it's a lot easier for people to bad mouth someone who is in a position that they were never in. these people have never had to face taking care of a child on their own, with no support, at a young age. it's just like anything else, put yourself in their shoes. most people s not realize that it is harder to give your child up than it is to just keep them.

Sniffer D

It's because there are judgemental people out there who only see things in black and white. Most people tend to see things in shades of grey. I hope you get to meet your biological mum sometime and let her know how thankful you are that she made such an unselfish decision all those years ago. If she's a good person, she probably thinks about you a lot.

They are judgemental and obviously not aware about those mothers' problems.
I'm happy you feel that way and that you are grateful for your adoptive parents.
All the best!

kelly e

I think your mom was one brave woman. First off to decide to go ahead and have you and make that painful choice so that you have two parents, and a better life that she couldn't give you all alone. If people are rude or indifferent, they are ignorant. You are a lucky person. One for having a mom to be brave, and two- two parents who were desperate to be parents and 'get' you - :)

rachael

i have met my birthmother and father. and i totally understand what you are saying. i have heard so many awful things about her and you know what? she is a wonderful, warm intelligent person. she truly gave me up for the right reasons. i respect and love them both for what they gave me.

i feel most people simply cant understand "how" they were able to do it. i know i cant understand that. i just am not strong enough of a person to do it. it takes a big person to admit and follow through on a lifelong decision like that.

hold your head high and dont let anyone tell you how you should feel about her or your situation. you are your own person and being comfortable with your experience makes you way ahead of your peers. bravo to you.

Joy M

Personally, I think the stigma exists because it frightens people to think of losing their own children, however we dress adoption up and try to make it pretty, on a very viscerial level it is terrifying.

So they stereotype and stigmatize natural mothers to give themselves distance, to reassure themselves it couldn't happen to them or someone they love as it happens to a lower form of person.

As for all the people telling this young girl with a serious and thoughtful question that she should be glad she is not an abortion or bringing that up, SHAME ON YOU

That is a terribly rude thing to say, and you don't know that your own mothers didn't contemplate that, but regardless that is a terrible thing to say to someone. Especially an adopted someone who has enough to deal with just being adopted.

mr perfect

she will never stop thinking about you, wondering what her little girl grew up into. maybe at the time she was unstable, she may of been under tremendous pressure, bills mounting up a husband that had left her this is a very stressful time, some people can cope whilst others can not. she may wish that she had not left you behind, she may of got married again and regretted you not been appart off her life.

some people are to judgemental of others, they can not weight to throw the first stone what i say is pick the stone up and throw it back. i hope you do get to meet your mum look on the web sight friends united or go through the salvation army costs about Â£40 for them to Trace her . i really wish you all the luck you deserve in finding your mum. be Lucky

ame dragonfly

I'd much rather hear someone gave their child up for adoption than had an abortion. Your biological mom did the logical, selfless thing. I don't think it is heartless.

I think its testimony to the great job that your (adoptive) parents did that you can be so positive and say such fair and thoughtful things. I'm sure they are very proud of you!

Jadore

Your little story has made me feel quite humble, some one so young to display such noble thoughts and reasoning.

Your adoptive parents must be marvelous people to have raised you to be who you are. Your birth mother would be so proud of you.

*Kala*

it is very nice to hear an adoptee say this, i am about to give my baby up for adoption and in all my questions about it there are people saying you should be able to bring up your own baby etc. and there are also the adoptee's out there that feel abandoned for some reason, which i don't get. it is sad you've never met your mother, do you not want to? I'm hoping my child will want to know me one day, but it is completely up to him. he is staying in the family so he will always know me as auntie but they will be living far away so i hope when he finds out he would want to talk to me.

Noah's Mommy & Marine Wife.

Because people always judge books by their covers. They do not think of the young mothers that, instead of getting abortions, stay pregnant those 9 months and then give their child up for adoption. They don't realize those mothers are only wanting the best for that child and realizing they can't provide it is extremely mature and responsible.

punxy_girl

I don't know why people do this-maybe because they haven't been involved in an adoption in any way or the adoption they have been involved in has been a bad one. Adoption is very complicated and there is no one reason or one way or one outcome. The birthmother of my baby had a very similar situation to your birthmother and I have very strong feelings of respect and empathy for her.

Bouvier

In most cases, the people you speak of are ignorant to what an adoption plan truly is. They have no clue of the emotional strife a birth mother goes through, nor what the adoptive couple have been through (in most cases, lost babies, and infertility issues).

They don't see "God's plan" working. I believe that adoption is just that. God's plan. Life is full of heart wrenching experiences and tough decisions. One, is the most precious gift any woman could possibly offer to another, a child. When I think of the act, I begin to cry. When I look at my daughter while she is sleeping, I cry. Tears of sorrow for the loss, but also, for the ultimate gain/gift. I would not have my life's most precious gift, without the love of my daughter's birthmother, and I am forever, grateful, and thankful.

kill_yr_television

An idealist is a person to who's worldview is based on ideals rather than on practical everyday reality. There are both pro's and con's to this, so I'm not trashing idealism here. However there is one particular type of idealist that I call "authoritarian mindset". The authoritarians have a fairly rigid view of what is acceptable and things that fall outside that "box" challenge their whole worldview, frighten and anger them -- it is very scary to contemplate the possibility that everything you know (or think you know) is wrong. To them, threatening their worldview is threatening the world, and their reaction is PUNISH, PUNISH, PUNISH.

The short answer is "They think that because of stinking thinking; they need to adjust their thought processes to embrace day-to-day reality as well as the "should have" world of idealism."

momtosix

I have no idea..But, I thank people who do adoption because I would not have my sweet niece and nephew if they did not..She was truely a case of could not take care of the kids...And, my bro and his wife waited ten years to have kids...You can imagine how much they treasure those kiddos!

pirate_princess

Some people feel that it would never happen to them and they would never find themselves in that situation.

Life doesn't always take us down the path we chose, you make the best of the situation you are in.

I have two adopted cousisn, their 'mother' could not have her own children, re-mortgaged the house trying for years. She is a loving and caring woman and managed to give a home to these babies who otherwise would not have had the chances they did. And they certainly fulfilled her life.

It takes a lot of courage to give up that little bundle you have carried inside you for 9 months, the easier option is to terminate. soem people genuinly believe they cannot offer the best start whereas others use termination/adoption instead of birth control. These are the people I have a problem with.

You sound very stable and it appears she did the right thing.

Amie M

Alot of proplr think that the birth mom should have kept the baby no matter.That means if she didnt have the money or a house she should have kept the baby. ALot of people that abdoption tears the family apart. I was adopted and thank god each day that i was. My birth mom was nothing. She had me and my siblings for ten years and then thought hey I dont want them anymore lets get ride of them. So before the ones out there say oh let her keep the baby, maybe they need to see why she is doing this

curious

Because some people could never picture themselves being able to give their child up. And some people believe that you can always do what you can to keep your child - it may take a lot of hard work.

LadyMoonlight!!

I feel its very brave to give a child up for adoption. I couldn't do it.

I love my baby son so much. We have very little money and I often worry that I can't give him as much as a richer family could. But I love him more than anything and at the end of the day love means more than material possessions. I would never ever ever give him up.

Just because a woman is poor does not make her a bad mother and just because a set of adoptive parents have lots of money does not mean they will be better parents than the poor biological mother.

jodee1kenobi

Most people are horrible to mothers who give up their babies for adoption, because they are ignorant and dont know the whole truth!!!!!

I am thinking of adopting and certainly dont think that way. It is unfortunate that they have to give up their babies, but they are far from being selfish!! Quite the opposite infact. If it werent for your mother giving you up when you were a few weeks old, you could have had a turbulent life. As it is you have had a stable life as you say and that is all down to the fact that your mom gave you up.

All you ignorant idiots out there, look and learn before you JUDGE!!!!!

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