Why are some people so agaisnt adoption?

tinkerpanda

My mom doesn't care if I adopt - so long as I have kids of my own (sorrreee - NOT happening). They just want to see their natural bloodline continue. I think she'd just like to see me try to deal with a mini-hellion. I was a demonic child. Maybe some parents just want to relive that experience.

I want the same thing. I don't want to adopt babies. I'd rather go for real children. They're much less likely to be adopted. Couples wanting babies are a dime a dozen. People willing to take in kids seem to be pretty rare.

I know the whole system is a little disheartening for some people. After a class debate on it a lot of us got really disgusted with the whole system. It just seems like it's so centered on babies and newborns. It just seems wrong. Couples waiting 3 years for a baby when there are thousands of kids already in the system needing homes. Or the people who want to cherry-pick babies. Like "We want one from a non-alcoholic, suburban white girl or christian believs". You should be grateful for any child - you want a family. You're not ordering a cheeseburger, honey. It's just a little revolting the way things work.

It just seems like it fails as often as it works. So ... yeah.

Wounded Duck

Sounds like a decision only you can make. There are horror stories for every occasion. I salute you.

Gaia Raain

Hi A,

I'm going to kind of take the devil's advocate on BOTH sides for my answer.

On the one hand, your mom is right. You can't treat adoption like any other way to build a family. Adoptees have a tremendous amount of stress. They've been taken from their family, the woman they grew inside of, and they no longer have a genetic mirror. Adoptive families are NOT the same as biological families, and there are losses that an adoptee has to deal with. If those losses are ignored, or even minimized, the adoptee's issues could surface much stronger than if they are allowed, and encouraged, to explore their losses, their grief. It's very important to recognize, for the child's sake, the differences between a family built via adoption, versus a biological family.

On the other hand, you're right. Foster children NEED new families. There are over 100,000 children in foster care right now waiting for homes. It does pain me to think that there are so many people who want to adopt...but they want a fresh-from-the-womb newborn baby, who they THINK won't have issues. I've seen this little quote on another forum, "Everybody wants a kitten; nobody wants a cat." It's very unfortunate.

What I'm trying to say is, if you've got what it takes, go for it! If you take the time to learn about adoption from the adoptee's perspective, I think you'd be a great adoptive parent. It takes a lot of time and effort, and it's not easy. And it's NOT like having your own biological children. But as long as you're focused on the child's needs, it can be very rewarding. Best of luck!

Yvonne B

I've always wanted to adopt a 4 year old girl of any race, but i haven't had the home for it. now i want to have my grandchildren (by my only child -son) in my life and can't because of the money issue.my aunt and her husband weren't allowed to adopt because he was a foster child and she was abused as a child. it is punishing her, for what she went through, and would never do to another human being, and the fact that they won't let the child know who their bio parents are ...too many adoption rules stink. if you can adopt you will be so lucky...never forget that.

cruzgirlz3

I think it is a really nice thing, but I can understand your mom too. If you have raised kids from birth it is hard to imagine not experiencing all the excitement of a new baby. She probably enjoyed YOU as a baby and cannot imagine you not sharing those same experiences. There is also a lot of negative press about older adoptees and she is just scared for you. This is all out of love and once she sees you as a mom, she will be so proud of what you have done that I'm sure she will embrace your new child no matter what.

You need to follow your heart, and pay little mind to all the critics. They just don't have the compassion and guts that you do :-) Follow your dreams and develop a thick skin and a sense of humor. People always love to blast those who live out of the box. But it's people like you who are usually the ones who end up the happiest.

bbaby166

only you can decide

AdoreHim

whenever I answer a question like this , I know that someone will either give me thumbs down, or email me a nasty response- but when I am asked this question , I have to answer. My mother-in-law when she found out we were going to be adopting our first child- (about 20 years ago)- she said "why would you want to do that? You have NO idea what you will get?" At first that upset me, however the more I thought about it the more I realize how ignorant that statement was. I am also adopted so that was a double whammy. You are right you have no idea what you will get with a biological child either. If you feel led to adopt- do not let anyone talk you out of it- there are children out there that need a parent- and you could be the one. God bless you, and hang in there- if you want to email and talk , I am here.

Noah's Mommy

Are you wanting to adopt a baby or small child, or an older child. My father in law and his brother were both adopted as a baby and toddler and so I am told were awesome kids and both grew up to be great men. Their parents then adopted a teenage girl, and they had so many problems with her.
I think that adoption is a beautiful thing and adopted kids are no different then the ones you have. We all make choices, kids that are adopted and those that are not.
People shouldn't judge or look down on you for wanting to adopt. While it may not be for all people, it doesn't make you wrong for doing it.

Good Luck and I will pray for you while you take on this venture.

Crucio

Pure ignorance if you want to adopt even more from foster care I think thatâ€™s great. You should go for it. Children in foster care can have issues but this is what they need a loving home with parent(s) who will be there for them despite any issues they have. You are right no one knows how their child will turn out regardless if they are a biological child or an adopted child. There are younger children in the system a child as young as 4 is considered old in the system, heck maybe even 3.

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