Why do Church of Latter Day Saints Promote the Separation of Families by Adoption?

Penny A (Vanessa)

Why don't you go directly to the source and ask the Church of Latter Day Saints? If they do as you claim, they would be the best people to explain the reasons behind it.

Wilma Duckie Deene

P.S. It's The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Next, the official position of the church is that all children are entitled to be raised by a mother and father living together within the bonds of marriage.

When a girl/woman becomes pregnant before marriage, the first counsel that is given by the Church officials is to marry the father and have the baby.

When this is not possible, adoption is counseled as the next best option.

Finally, some LDS girls do not place for adoption and parent their baby as single parents. When they do this, it is their choice and they are supported all the way by Church leaders.

Been on both sides of this one in the LDS church. Do tell, where are your sources?

falisrm

i don't know. Why don't you ask the dead beat dads leaving the pregnant moms?

Caveman

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not force or coerce anyone to relinquish a child. As one who has been adopted, I feel that adoption is the sign of pure selflessness.

I have seen several young, unwed pregnant girls who have rejected the opportunity for adoption of their baby only for purely selfish reasons, not thinking of what the child will have to deal with throughout their lives.

I am grateful that there are good people out there who are willing and able to take the child of another and give them a family life and opportunities that could not be had by an unwed single mother. Adoptions make it possible for MANY children to have a family and a good life that wouldn't be had otherwise.

Heaven help the unwed girl who wants to make a go of it on her own. It is TOUGH trying to be both mom and dad and at the same time trying to make a living.

beta_fishy

They provide a service. If you don't want that service, don't go to them.

That was easy.

Kia Sister 1- DUCK

There are very few things that children are entitled to. The things they are entitled to include a stable home life with a mother and a father who are married and love each other and the child. It is in the best interest of the child to be raised in that kind of home.

Studies hve shown that children do better in a traditional family with a mother and father who are married than they do with a single parent or unmarried parents.

To say that the LDS church promotes the separation of families is a vast misrepresentation. The only time adoption is recommended is in the case of when a single women or teenage girl is pregnant and marriage is not a viable option for what ever reason (age, abuse, etc..). In those situations, they family is not being seperated at all. Families are being created. Divorce separates families, the LDS church definitely does not promote divorce, though it is allowed.

LaraSue

Unless you have been an unwed LDS pregnant girl, you really aren't qualified to speak as to what the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints rigorously encourages,
Your perception is way off.

royalbird

The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints (you omitted Jesus Christ, the foundation of our religion in your question) advises that young women who are pregnant out of wedlock to PLACE the baby for adoption. Here's why:

We believe that "children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity" (The Family: A Proclamation to the World). With that in mind, can you maybe start to understand why the church encourages young unwed mothers to place their babies with families that have both a father and a mother? The church does not tell the young mother what to do. The church encourages this because the baby has the best chance of being raised on the straight and narrow path by a family comprised of TWO parents who are married to one another, a man and a woman, and who honor those marital vows completely. That is the ideal family situation the church teaches its people to strive for. Of course not all families fall in this category, and the authorities realize and understand that this is the ideal.

We do not discriminate against single mothers. If that is what the girl chooses to do, she is completely entitled to that. However, she may not be giving that child everything that the child needs to grow up. It is undeniably harder to raise a child by yourself than with a loving spouse at your side.

Did you know that before the church encourages adoption, the church encourages that the couple marry and become a family? In many cases, this works out wonderfully. I have quiet a few friends whose families began this way. However, this is not always an option for the girl or woman.

Also, it's not dismembering a family to give a child what he or she needs to have the best chance at a good life. Not only that, but the child then becomes part of a family heritage. That child's ancestors are not only the blood ancestors, but are the ancestors of the family by whom he or she was adopted. Ancestry is not just determined by blood--it is determined by the family with which you are part of. Once you are adopted into a family, that family is yours, blood is irrelevant.

I think that mothers who do this show complete unconditional love toward their babies by giving them something they cannot give them--two parents in a stable home life.

wispyspal

Every time an adoption happens a family is formed, and yes, one is torn apart. The Church acknowledges this - but the suggestion of adoption is only done with the best interests of both the mother and the child in mind. The child because it is better off in a family with two parents who are financially able to care for that child and the mother who may not be able to provide for that child or can then have the opportunity of continuing her education for one example. The Church gives adoptees the option of doing either their birth or adoptive geneology so the blood connections may be maintained. I am an adoptee who has my birthparents in my official church record. Also, I was present at the funeral of a young child who had been adopted, and both his adoptive family and birth family was present. Adoption is a sticky situation, and their are lots of Mormons trying to deal with these issues the best they can.
-EDIT- Sly - I am a widow and have NOT been asked to relinquish my daughter.
Also it would be so nice if questions were asked sincerely not just to confirm your own beliefs

Cholla Cacti are not nice

"encouraging women in a temporarily tough spot to relinquish"
Being a single mother is not temporary. Once a mother, always a mother. The toughness of the situation never goes away.

"importance of 'blood'"
What are you talking about??

I'm LDS and my family has been on both sides of this scenario. I got pregnant at 19 and I (ME not my family) decided that it would not be fair to raise a child without a mother and father. I grew up with a family of two parents and wanted the same thing for my child. Is that so wrong? There are different yet undeniable needs that each gender provides as parents. Plus, I knew that there would come a time when I would be able to start a family of my own and in the meantime there are SO many couples who cannot have children that to me there was no question that my baby needed to be with another family.
A few years later my little sister got pregnant. Having seen what I had gone through I assumed that she too would place her child up for adoption but she didn't. Personally I thought she was doing the wrong thing but after giving her my opinion only ONE TIME, I kept my mouth shut out of respect for her decision and my whole family supported her in her final decision. LDS Family Services never chased her down or hounded her for anything. Neither did anyone at church. Everyone's case is different.

In each instance, we had our free will and chose accordingly. Today my son is with a family who loves him and cares for him far better than I could at that point in my life and they were given a child when they weren't able to have one. NO ONE will ever convince me that I did the wrong thing. I will never regret it. And my sister later got married and her husband has now adopted my nephew and have since had other children together. The same goes for her that NO ONE will ever convice her that she should have given up her son.

Alissa

because we are bigger on the idea of a child having a mother AND a father. It's better than just a Mother. Also, they would still have a family with parents who love them and consider them their own. It's true that a family is splitting when a child is put up for adoption, but they will go into a better family and live in a better environment. I do have an LDS friend who got pregnant out of wedlock, she decided to keep her baby. I think she has been a FANTASTIC mother, but I still believe that it would be better for her baby to have a mother AND a father. Her son needs to have a father figure, and someone to teach him how to be a man. Right now all her kid has is a grandfather and some uncles.

LindaLoo

What the church promotes is intact families with fathers & mothers and options preferable to abortion, avoiding children giving birth to unwanted babies. Young mothers who aren't ready, willing or able to raise a child and so forth. This should be a positive thing, I'm not quite understanding the underlying criticism of this question.

Family is not always about "blood" - it's about relationships after all. Heck everyone is related from an eternal perspective.

Wintergirl

Probably because they are so traditionally family oriented that they don't want to encourage single motherhood. With today's adoptions you can do 'open adoption' where the birth mother is known and sometimes even part of the child's life after the adoption, so the mother's identity and family history wouldn't be a secret for the child or the couple who adopts the child.

Doodlestuff

It's financial. Make a Mormon family happy and they keep getting money. If they have no family, they are less likely to support the church and less likely to tithe. Plus no little Mormons to follow the path.

The fact that they lie to the birthmothers and deliberately move them to other states so that the father's can't find out should tell you something as well.

BOTZ

Oh boy...here we go!

I was raised in the LDS church. I was adopted into a 2-parent, "stable", married LDS family.

As so many have suggested, this question is best answered from the point-of-view of one "inside" the church.

As I have not officially resigned my membership in the church, I am one "inside" -- and I am most certainly one inside LDS ADOPTION, as that was the agency that handled my adoption (the adoption OF me by my a-parents). And, for the record, I have not decided (yet) whether I will resign my membership. I'm thinking* about it.

I have conflicted feelings about the church itself but I most ABSOLUTELY and SURELY hate, despise, loathe, abhor...what other words are there?...LDS "family" services. I have never been treated with more contempt, dismissal or disrespect than when I have had contact with LDS "family" services regarding my own adoption.

I have had many, many contacts with them over the years...so this is certainly not a one-time-thing (or a one-person-thing). I had ONE really, really good contact with ONE truly compassionate (dare I say Christlike?) social worker there, but that has been the glaring exception. And, even she, who wanted to, could not (would not) help me for fear of losing her job. *sigh*

I will not bother to go into the details here -- if you are interested, send me a private message and I will answer specific questions. If you PM me with the intent to 'proselytize' me -- don't bother. I won't read past the first hint of your intention, and I won't respond. My decision is my decision and I will not entertain the thoughts/advice of strangers. But, I digress...

My younger sister was a "young, unwed, pregnant LDS girl" who (on the advice of our "older, married, more worthy LDS parents" contacted LDS "family" services for counsel regarding placing her (as yet unborn at that time) child for adoption. Swayed/fearful as she was due to our parents' influence, she refused to go meet with the worker unless I (age 27 at that time) went with her. That bothered the worker tremendously as 1) my vulnerable, young, scared sister was not there *alone* for her to 'counsel' and 2) I was (am) a social worker myself. She knew, with me there, that she could not sell the HOGWASH that two parents are better than one. She knew that she could not convince my sister (and would not with a witness) that she was "unfit" to parent her child on her own. Best thing I ever did...going to that first meeting with her. My sister is now the happy, SUCCESSFUL and proud SINGLE mama to two gorgeous, happy, healthy and well-adjusted daughters. But, according to LDS"F"S, that was "impossible". Hmmmmm....

Okay, I've said enough.

*I don't need help with the decision, thanks. Especially not from strangers. Btw, those of you here who are NOT 'strangers' to me -- you know who you are and I love y'all!

Sly

A Mother and Child are a family. That family has to be destroyed for an adoptive family to be created, following this criteria. Do the LDS have the right to determine the narrow qualifiers they deem worthy of representing what a family is? Do they force widows to surrender to more worthy married folks? They must be busy with a war on. There are a lot of young widows once again.

Gershom

Sometimes some people will let $money$ take over their goals and desires for all other things.

grapesgum

LDS adoption services would have a bit of credibility if they only went after the babies of "unwed" church members. But, the freaking vultures try to get babies from anyone for their customer church members. They try to force their religious beliefs and morality down the throats of any single woman who has a baby that they think they can get and sell.

Why do they do it? Fear of the power of women - it is a very patriarchal organization.

IDK!!

Cause they're freaking crazy.

sunny

Single girl=BAD GIRL

Married couple in the Temple, hubby went on a mission, bring more tithe into the Church=GOOD COUPLE.

What do you expect from a 'created' religion?

As the LDS say, CTR (Choose the Right), and the 'right' is always where the money springs from.

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