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cantstopLinnyG
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Because you are human. They have no grounds to retaliate. Legally, you do not even have to pay them back. Cut off all contact with them. They will most likely keep harassing you.
BTW, there is no such thing as "open adoption". Just a ploy to get your baby, as it is not legally enforceable in any state.
http://www.exiledmothers.com/open_adoption/index.html
You, your fiance and your baby deserve to be with each other. Im glad you came to this decision before it was too late. |
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Lillie
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Please don't feel bad. Perhaps you developed a close relationship with them and that is understandable, and the way these "pre-birth" matches are designed, you are SUPPOSED to feel guilty thereby reducing the chances that you will do what you have done...keep your baby.
But think of it this way...if you lost your baby, you'd grieve YOUR baby the rest of your life. The PAP's will grieve for a while, then will find another baby to adopt and YOUR baby will become a distant memory.
Your baby is where he/she belongs...with you. Don't feel bad, feel elated!
And Congratulations on the birth of your baby. Welcome to motherhood. :) |
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kateiskate
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I don't think you should feel bad for keeping your baby. It's your baby. No one else's. |
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5monthsw/babyMia
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don't feel bad, if you want to keep your baby, keep it because right now if you gave in to them you would regret it for the rest of you life. |
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wtiger17470
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Its your right as a mom to be to change your mind. They should know the risks of adoption and they should be understanding if they're aren't don't let that influence your decision. |
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Beth419 TTC #1
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You need to learn that you cant make everyone else happy.. Your a grown up, you need to just worry about you, I know you feel bad about letting your folks down, but they need to step back and let you make your own decisions.. it kinda sounds like they were forcing you into this, and thats SOOOOO not right, this is your baby, with your soon-to-be- husband, so its your call, no one elses! Good luck and congrats on the baby! |
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wholelottacats
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I am an adoptive mother, so I'm telling you this from "the other side" - You shouldn't feel bad. I'm sure it was a difficult decision for you to make, but you need to remember one thing - this is your baby, and your decision. I can understand you feeling bad, because you may have developed a relationship with them. They will be hurt - but, please don't feel that their hurt is your responsibility. Their infertility isn't yours to "fix" - you don't owe them anything, and you shouldn't feel guilty. They should have known that there was every possibility you could change your mind, and they should have been prepared for it.
It's really very honorable of you to reimburse them for the money they have paid - but please know that you aren't obligated to do that. It is the law that you aren't obligated to pay them back. Again, very honorable of you to try. There is nothing they can legally do to "retaliate" other than a negative email. If you are worried about that, then don't read it for awhile. Take some time, relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, knowing that you no longer have to wonder or worry about what you are going to do. The decision has been made. If you were considering adoption because you were concerned about money, take this time to do some research on resources available to you, things that will help you out.
And congratulations to you on the impending birth of your baby! |
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Heather Leigh
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Don't feel bad for keeping your baby. It is not your job to provide a baby for this couple. The fact that you feel bad is because you are a caring person but know that you made the right choice for you and your child.
Are they going top be hurt? Sure, but they can adopt another child. You can't replace YOUR baby though.
If they give you a hard time, just ignore them and block their email address.
Best of luck to you and your family!! |
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kitta
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You are the parents to this child. If they retaliate, get help. Call the police.
They don't have any rights to your baby...none whatsoever. |
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Kimi
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This must be very hard for you. I admire you and your fiance for paying back the money and for having the courage to follow your heart. I am sure that you are feeling guilty because you feel that you let this couple down by changing your mind. Just keep reminding yourself that it is better for you to feel bad about this for a short period of time than to spend the rest of your life regreting your choice and wondering what could have been. I wish you all the best and for what it is worth i think that you are very brave. |
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sky-mont
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You should not feel bad at all. Yes they are going to be upset about this but for heaven sacks this is your flesh and blood and they will need to just understand that. I wish the best for you and your new family. |
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Rowan
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Don't feel bad. As others said,, you developed a relationship with the paps, so its not uncommon to feel guilty.
Be glad you stopped yourself from making a desicion you might have regretted. |
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IDK!!
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They knew going into it that this could happen. I understand why you feel bad, but understand, if you gave then the baby, then would likely feel the same way for accepting you baby.
I was physically ill over the decision my sons mother made.
They should be happy that the baby is wih his/her mother and father |
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monkeykitty83
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You want to keep YOUR baby. The prospective adoptive parents want A baby. That's a big difference. Their desire can be filled another way, and yours can't. They'll find another adoption situation, and you'll both have what you want. You don't owe them a child. Someone else doesn't have the claim on a baby you gave birth to.
Will they be disappointed and hurt? Yes, because they're human, but you aren't responsible for those feelings. Sometimes things that are completely right and necessary feel bad at the time, and this is one of those things.
There is NO reason for you to feel bad about parenting your baby. That's your legal and moral right. It's nice of you to feel sympathy for the prospective adoptive parents, but you shouldn't let that weigh on you. Ultimately, you're doing the right thing by parenting, since you know you can and want to, and your baby will be loved and safe. |
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heat9068
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keeping your baby is all up to you. you cant let others influence your decision to do so. this is about you and your baby. you will grieve for the rest of your life if you got rid of your baby just to make others happy. If they really love you they wouldnt ask this of you. Im shocked!!!!! Life is hard but you will succeed in it.. It just takes time. |
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BLW_KAM
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It's called empathy and it shows you identify with and understand the emotions of other people. In my opinion, it's a hallmark of character.
Don't let it pull you down. Experience it, let it flow through you, and when you're ready, let it go. You made the right decision for you and your child. Sleep well. |
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kidmindi
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This is your child and you have every right to raise him/her. You are doing the right thing and you'd feel even shittier knowing you had a child out there that you wanted to raise and didn't |
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myst1998
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Awww, don't feel bad... you did what was best for you and your child and that is the most important thing. You hae no responsibility to the couple whatsoever as your baby was NEVER theirs to begin with and it isn't up to you to make their dream come true.
If they decide to retaliate, ignore them and the agency... you are now most vulnerable when you are exhausted. Take some time out with just the three of you and get to know each other as families do. Don't listen to anyone who might tell you that you are doing the wrong thing... it is NOT wrong to want to parent your own baby.
All the best and CONGRATULATIONS on YOUR new baby :) |
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Heather B
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It's the system that's designed to put you in that position and feel bad, it's designed to minimize the chances of a mother changing her mind.
Congratulations! You're stronger than the adoption mill and your baby needs you |
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~*~Braden's Mommy~*~
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Try not to feel bad. You are totally within your rights to decide to keep your baby, and you need to make the decision that is right for you. If you want this baby but give him or her away, you will have the rest of your life to deal with that guilt. Yes, the potential adoptive parents will be upset because they thought they were finally getting a baby, but they do not have the emotional attachment to this baby that you have, and their chance will come again. you will never get another chance at keeping your own baby, well this one at least. Just worry about you and the baby right now, that's all you can do. Congratulations and I wish your family a very happy life. |
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Possum
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YAY - another child gets to grow with the family he/she was born to.
Kudos to you both for being stronger than the US adoption machine.
This is YOUR child first and foremost.
They just want any child.
They'll get over it.
If you had relinquished - you both never would of.
I wish you family all the best the world can offer. |
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I Love A Child With Autism!!!
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As adoptive parents we go into the process knowing that there is always a real possibility that the mother will choose to parent. It's the chance they took, it is NOT your problem. As far as paying them back, please keep your money and send it on your baby. They will be able to claim the money that they spent on their income taxes. It will be refunded to them in the long run, it is not for you to return to them.
If they decide to retaliate, cut off all contact with them and do not be afraid to threaten them with legal action if they harass you. Follow through if you need to, your time should be spent tending to your newborn, not their emotions.
Your baby is lucky to have loving parents like you and your fiance and he/she is in the best place possible...with you. Congrats on your new baby! |
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I ♥ Julienne (+1 XY Fetus!)
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Its probably the best thing that you kept your baby. Give it a loving home and a loving life and you will have done the best thing.
You shouldn't feel bad for keeping your baby. What you probably feel bad about is leading them on for a while and then changing your mind. They'll get over it and probably find someone else. It happens a lot to PAPs. |
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maddie
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you shouldn't feel so bad for keeping your own baby it is you fresh and blood u should keep it i would if i were you |
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icehockeymom7
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I can totally understand why you feel bad, it just means you are a caring person and you know they are sad about the adoption failing. But hopefully they are also happy for your baby, that he/she is going to be able to be with her birthparents. I think you are doing the right thing by paying them back for doctor visits, and I know they appreciate that. Try not to beat yourself up. They cannot retaliate at all, you have not signed off your rights to your child. They have no legal recourse, so don't worry. I know they are sad and disappointed, but they will get over it and it was obviously not meant to be. I hope you can move on and enjoy your baby! |
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dontknow86
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Don't feel bad it is your baby ! They knew it could change. Go on with your life. I had to give my baby up and it has ruined my whole life, I could never have anymore, I know I have lost my whole family. You hold your baby and love them forever. |
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Missquizz
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It is sad what hs happened to them ...it is the decision you made they should respect that..you would have felt far worse if you had given her up .your emotional fragile after birth too..I admire you for sticking to what you feel is right ...you had the greatest intentions until you bonded with the child...you did the right thing for you good luck |
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lo_ksoy
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I understand your feelings but you have to do what you heart is telling you because at the end is your baby. If you are paying them back for the visits then what else they want. I better that you fell like that for now and no for the rest of you life! Just try to put them in your shoes and ask them what they will do if they were you! I know that she will understand the way you fell about your baby!! |
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Anha S
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You feel the way you do because you are human, and pre birth matching is designed to make you feel connected, and guilty for making the decision you have.
You are paying them back, something you don't have to do. I think it says an awful lot about your character. I would imagine they would feel pain and dissapointment, but this is your baby, and you are perfectly within your rights to choose to parent.
Welcome to parenthood :) |
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Loki
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It was your desison hun. You shouldent feel guilty athough they may hurt they will recover and move on.
As for you heartless anti-adoption a**holes. How dare you accuse couples of "stealing babies". I think adoptive parents are doing a wonderful thing by giving a child a chance to live a normal happy life. And that one post with that open-adoption bashing website...Thats disgusting!!!!
Take into account that open adoption may be the ONLY way for a couple to enjoy the feeling of parenthood. Much like me!! But in my case if the mother decides at the last minute to not go through with it i will be understanding and move on.
Sorry that just made my blood boil!
Good luck hun and congrtz. |
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leah l
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If you know in your heart that the baby would be best with you, then you wouldn't feel bad. |
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