Why do People Found Unsuitable to Adopt Still feel 'Entitled' to a Child?

Laurel J

It's obviously not in the best interests of the children. It's a matter of the adults wanting what they want, and seeing that "everyone else" gets that without being raked over the coals to see how fit they are.

But adoptive parents are asking to raise someone else's child, and that means they must be held to a higher standard. If they can't deal with that--if they've not only been judged unfit but also feel entitled to cheat--they aren't stellar parenting material anyway.

DevonChaos

It isn't in the best interest of the children. I can tell you that much. Especially in the cases where they are going through a private agency. Their main goal is to make money, so I can only imagine how serious something would be to deter them from doing business with someone. Rules are rules, and in adoption, rules are in place in order to help children grow up in the best place available.

If someone is going to go through appeals or try to find a back way in, shame on them. They need to come to grips with the reasons for why they are turned down. If they cannot be changed, then perhaps they need to rethink parenting all together. I'm not saying they wouldn't be great parents, but something is obviously keeping an agency from approving them.

If it were me, and I were hell bent on adopting (which wouldn't happen, though) I would perhaps try one more place before giving up, but if they turned me down, I'd give up. I would find a new purpose and throw myself into that. Unfit is unfit. These children don't need to go into a home where problems are already evident. They need the best chances for a "normal" childhood possible.

HappyMomAnna

I guess I would only want to know why they might have been found unfit for a certain type of adoption. I can understand why a parent say, over 40 would not be found fit for a new born but perhaps if that same parent considered a child rather then and infant the situation could be different. I think someone unfit for one type of adoption process may not be for another type..

When we adopted we didn't believe we should even consider a newborn due to our age and wanted to be around long enough to actually be at our children's high school graduation.
There may be reasons one type of adoption is not best for parents which may not mean all types of adoption will be.

I would want to know why the parents were considered unfit before I completely judged the motivations of a continued interest? If based on health, age or marital status these issues may not be the same for other types of adoption.

mistk_dolphins

wow what is this world coming to. these people once they are proving unfit to adopt or have children period should be put on a registry all across the world for ALL agencies and child welfare offices to read and adhere by so that these people will NEVER have a child in there homes EVER.

kangaroo

What HappyMom said. I wish more agencies would put more thought into matching appropriate kids in need, with appropriate families, instead of just taking the next cookie-cutter in line.

SJM

It certainly cannot be in the best interests of anyone but themselves. If someone cannot reasonably expect to provide a child adequate care throughout the duration of its childhood, it's not in the child's best interest that they adopt. Even if the other spouse is healthy, an adopted child has already suffered the loss of their parents. Placing them in a family where the loss of an adoptive parent is highly likely is just plain cruel. Some health conditions place a child in danger of physical harm. If that's the case, how could they live with themselves knowing they placed a child in harm's way just to satisfy their own needs?

Opedial

Maybe they feel they have been wronged. I know we did have problems with one social worker, who had very serious problems with the fact that my husband was staying home and not me and expressed this concern. I spoke to her supervisor and all is well (got new worker a.s.a.p.), but I bet some people may be found unsuitable for reasons that are not legitimate, so yes they could go somewhere else. They would have to declare that they were turned away somewhere else though.

That said, I think you are wondering about entitlement, and all I can say is that people who are desperate will not see the whole picture. Have we not met people in our lives who nothing is their fault? They lost their job, spouse, etc. etc. but nothing is their fault, always the other guy? Of have you wanted something soooo bad that you did not see how you were hurting others? This may be the case with some potential adoptive parents, and it is someone's job along the way to help them see the bigger picture.

kateiskate

I think it's selfishness. Desperation.

Randy B

I don't know about "trying to get around it" but as with anything there is the right of appeal in matters such as this. Yes, regulations exist and they exist for a good reason but at the same time they are normally interpreted by administrative decision makers who have a certain degree of discretion and the ability to interpret the regulations. It is this interpretation and discretion that is often appealed. Sometimes, and we all know it, the rules and regulations are not applied equally. If it turns out that they have been and someone doesn't qualify then that should be it but unless there is any master registry or overall list of who is disqualified you will always find those who try to get around the rules and regulations regardless of what the matter is.

Cyn

Some people are selfish. Some may actually be convinced they'd be the perfect parent. I can tell you from my situation and my husbands; we were both adopted, even some people who ARE eligible to adopt should have never been given a child. We were both raised with abusive/dysfunctional 'parents'. Sometimes, maybe 'God' of whoever was telling them something when he made them incapable of having children in the first place. Then again, I've met some wonderful people who deserve babies who cannot have them.
People who are denied should maybe be watched? But as they say, if there's a will, there's a way.

Gaia Raain II

Something I hear often, "oh, and how many biological parents are abusing their kids??? Hmmm??? And I can't adopt because of this stupid little thing." Sounds like selfishness to me.

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