Why do adoptees COMPLAIN so much?

Stephanie T

I think kids are different and in my opinion not all adoptees complain. When I was little I didn't complain because honestly I went from foster home to foster home & went to sleep just dreaming of a nice family to take me in... When I was finally adopted at the age of 6 everything was great till I turned a teenager and started to be ungrateful & put my foster parents through the worst.I saw how over protective my parents were and how they wanted to keep me in a box,so my reaction was to rebel and complain that I wanted freedom. Now that I am older and more mature I realized that they only wanted the best for me, I was ungrateful at times & now that I have my own baby and all I want to do is protect him so nothing happens just like my adoptive mom did with me. I think it depends on the adoptees situation and reaction to things and people.

DevonChaos

I'm nearly 31, so I'm kind of in the middle of ages here. I would have liked to know that my first mother's options for raising me were exhausted before she chose adoption. I would like to know that no one else in my family would have been able to raise me. I would like to know that my father's family was contacted too.

Would I have preferred to grow up in those options? Preferred? I guess not. It isn't my adoption, however, that makes me upset about the current state of adoptions, both domestic and international, that upsets me. Pre-birth matching, money being exchanged for children, and a number of other issues have to be worked on. Our current adoption system is corrupt. There are many things that need to change. Many things need to be outlawed. The adoption agencies that take money from prospective parents in exchange for a baby need to be closed down. I could go on forever.

My adoption isn't perfect by any means, I have severe issues that stemmed from my treatment as a child. This hasn't colored my thoughts on adoption nearly as much as hearing about what goes on these days when children are adopted. My own situation aside, I think many things need to change before I can think of adoption as anything other than a catastrophe.

Lori A

How do you know how old these people are?

Why do you consider it complaining?

Could it instead be getting the word out as to what it is really like being adopted so others have more information in order to make an honest to goodness informed decision?

I think you are just pessimistic

cantstopLinnyG

Im 43, I consider myself "older".

"I have not offerred growing up in a stable (or unstable) home with your mom and dad or either because obviously that wasn't an option, was it?"

No. No it wasn't. And THAT, my friend, is why we complain.

amyburt40

I am also an "older adoptee." My adoptive mother and I both complain about the adoption industry. It is an industry.

Since I am older, I do not have to be grateful that I wasn't aborted. It wasn't one of the choices that she was offered. Her only choice was to place. In fact, my natural father wanted custody of me. He didn't have a choice either. His only option for me was to place.

I sincerely doubt that living an orphanage, living on the streets, or growing up in foster care were an options for me.

Why don't you research adoption first before you ask stupid questions? Adoptees in 44 states are consider property. We are denied our right to privacy because the states violate The Privacy Act. That act states that we should have access to all the documents that the government has on us. All we want is to be treated equally. Current adoption laws are violation of Brown vs. Board of Education.

The Alan Guttmacher Institute even states that a woman is more like to abort if she does not have openness in the adoption.

I am a Desert Storm veteran, former letter carrier, a wife, mother, daughter, sister, tax payer and hard working American Citizen. I deserve the same rights as the non adopted.

Randy B

Like anything in life people all have differing opinions on things and if you really read through the answers here you will see that people of all ages take all different stances on the subject, not just to complain. And to complain about something doesn't mean that your are against it. No system is perfect and there is always something to complain about on any topic.

â™¥ Bitter Adoptee â™¥

Why must you POINT OUT every single thing that is wrong with ADOPTEES? And why must you CAPITALIZE words so much?

Adios Stereotyper (you should change the radio station and get off the adoption one, we complain too much).

-alone.

ladychrisnursewv

First of all I am adopted. I had this life long longing to know where I came from, I wanted so badly to find someone who looked like me. 4 years ago I found my birth family and I dont regret finding them. I am the youngest sibling of the birth family. Growing up, my adoptive parents only had me so I grew up as an ony child so that year I found them I went through a TON of emotions. I guess you have to be adopted to really understand what an adoptee is going through.

No, I woudlnt have preferred to grow up in an orphange, I am VERY glad that I was placed with a LOVING and NUTURING family.

I didnt grow up on the streets and I think this is a stupid question.

I really get offended when people dont understand the feelings that is going through an adoptee's mind when they come to age, get married and decide to have a family, There is so many issues that are unanswered and in my situation I needed closure and I got it. So to the people who think adoptee's complain, believe me, they have every right to complain.

kateiskate

I'm 21 and I can tell you it's not a "generational thing".

All of the "bitter" adoptees here vary in age, yet we are all similar despite having different experiences.

Our situations may have been different and we may be various ages, but depsite our differences, our experiences are similar and we have similar emotions on the subject.

And what is this common denominator that links such a diverse group together?

Answer D: Preferred to have been raised by natural parents in an honest and stable home environment.

Joy M

Since you are trying to understand I will try to help.

I would have preferred growing up fostered in an open-air orphanage on Hwy 66.

I sincerely want to know from you, would you have preferred being aborted? because you sure complain a lot.

Laurel J

I'm 44 years old and sick and tired of being told to be grateful I didn't grow up in an orphanage. Believe me, it could have happened to you as easily as me. My adopted brother's parents were married, but they didn't keep him. A friend of mine got married and then had two abortions.

So how about it? Would _you_ have preferred to grow up in the streets? And forget your your mom and dad, they're obviously not an option and won't help you.

Is asking rude questions that presume all adoptees complain and saying you're just trying to understand a generational thing, or is it plain old-fashioned passive aggression? This question has been asked in one form over and over here. If you really want to know how we feel, check out some older Qs and As.

But I don't believe you care how adoptees feel. Your language suggests you're just one more person trying to make me feel too ashamed about being adopted to talk about it. That's how I spent my childhood feeling, and I'm not gong to be made to feel that way anymore.

BelgianPrince18

maybe they're feeling incomplete... of course they wouldn't prefer growing in streets or in an orphanage but of course they want to know everything about themselves... like their real parents... get it??

Hope this helps... :-)

ohoverherenow

Its something you won't ever be able to understand...if your not in my shoes...or my head...it starts from day 1 when the one person in life who is supposed to be by your side and never give up on you...did...abandonment...its very real....Im 28 and I have alot of hiden emotional problems....I have since meet my biological mother and I dont' hate her...I dont' even hate what she did I am very thankful....it just hurts! My husband still doesn't understand...you won't ever I would just get over it and relize its not your place to judge!

AdoreHim

I am adopted and have 2 adopted children, and all 3 of us, have never really complained about being adopted. As a matter of fact we are thankful that our birth moms gave us life. I think the ones that complain about being adopted actually have issues, that we should not negate. When I first came on here, I could not understand how anyone would not like being adopted. The longer I am here, the more I realize that there are actually people that wish they had not been adopted. I truly believe some would have rather have been raised in their bio family, even if they did not have much growing up. What I don't understand still is why those people that have not had a good adoption experience, get so upset with us that are thankful that we were adopted. I am very sorry for those who say they haven't, and if I have tried to negate the fact that some do, I am very sorry.

myst1998

I doubt you really care seeing as you like to invalidate another person's experience and assume its complaining just because you don't agree.

You buy into all the stereotypes about adoption by assuming an adoptees parents were not in a stable home yada yada yada.

You obviously don't know many older adoptees. I know plenty and have heard an elderly gentleman speak of his pain of being adopted despite his adoptive parents being decent people. He wanted to know who his mother was. Its natural.

Anyway, the first step to LEARNING is to stop assuming and take the blindfold off. Open your heart and actually listen. If you can't do this then you were never wanting to learn in the first place and are just out to make judgements on people you do not know.

a healing adoptee

Who's complaining? Do you feel offended when other adoptees "say wait a minute, i feel some loss towards my birth mother"? I mean it doesn't mean that they love their adopted parents any less or that they resent the fact they are adopted. Mainly we are curious, and wonder what life would of been like if our birth parents choose differently. It's human nature to wonder about the might of beens. I wondered about my birth mother and what life would of been like if i lived with her. I even told my adoptive parents about what i was thinking. Guess what? Instead of accusing me of complaining like you are doing; they were very supportive! They let me talk about me feelings and what I was wondering about. I thank them everyday for being the way they are, because it helped me to become a well rounded adult. Maybe you should ask yourself why you feel the way you do about adoptees.

Megan

I think you are stereotyping adoptees. I don't think I complain, and if I do its not to random strangers on Y!A.

IDK!!

Assume much?

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