Why do certain people think adoptive parents have an "agenda"?

AdoreHim

I am both adopted and have 2 adopted children, and I agree with you 100%. The reason my mom and dad adopted me was because they could not have children, but the reason that my hubby and I adopted was because I was taking a medication at the time that may cause birth defects and also since I had a very happy adoptive life, I wanted to share that with other children. I wanted to be a parent, and carrying a child may not have been the best for me. We are not baby stealers. The 2 birth moms of our children, very bravely placed their children with us with no coercion whatsoever. As a matter of fact if they had done what people where "telling" them they should do, my 2 children would not be here today, they would have been aborted.

Mom to Foster Children

You forgot to add angry adopters - nannies and babysiters on top of crazed baby - stealers -because supposedly we are not their parents!

this is what I am called in many emails I get from (???????)

Jennifer L

I think that you're looking at a very vocal, unhealthily obsessed and chronically projecting faction of the forum. Fortunately, they are also in the minority and I suspect that there are multiple accounts involved.

The vast majority of forum regulars will admit that there isn't one, or two, or even twenty valid perspectives and opinions on something as complicated as adoption.

So my best advice is to simply consider the source.

Rosie

The recent flurry of infertile and obese posts is part of a flame war. Flame wars have certain underlying psychological principals to them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flaming_%28Internet%29

Flame bait

"The most popular motive is the desire for attention and for entertainment derived at the expense of others. Posted flamebait can provide the poster with a controlled trigger-and-response setting in which to anonymously engage in conflicts and indulge in aggressive behavior without facing the consequences that such behavior might bring in a face-to-face encounter."

That's why some of the answers said "I'll bite"

R.E.

There is an opinion that they have an agenda because they do. They want a child. That is the agenda.

I have been through the process, and kept my son. It felt very much like a business transaction to me. More so than I felt it should. I also felt pressured and I felt like the other couple were only telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. In my experience, they came on way too strong.

Then there are those who are dishonest. The ones who promise open adoption and go back on this promise as soon as the court papers are signed. These people make everyone look bad.

The quest for a newborn also makes them look bad. I plan to foster parent some day. I have no desire for a baby, and actually would prefer older kids. My desire to foster comes from a very rough childhood. To me, if you want a needy child, get a needy child. Instead, many adoptive parents will for go taking a 2 year old and wait 10 years for a baby. It just rubs people the wrong way.

I didn't intend to offend anyone here. I was only stating, to the best of my knowledge, the reasons people feel the way they do about adoptive parents.

AdoreHim- You had a decent argument, before attempting to make this an abortion debate.

And since everyone is giving td's, even though I answered the question honestly, which is the way many people do look at this topic, how about someone here explain what the deal is with NEEDING a newborn. It is unsettling to many people, not just myself. Anyone can adopt an older child. Without a 5 year wait. What exactly is wrong with these kids?

Liddner- You don't know the first thing about me, so you have no idea why I would want to foster instead of adopt. I have a B.S. in Criminal Justice. I know what these kids have been through. And simply because you are an *sshole who would never do anything FOR another person, does not mean the rest of us are the same way. Take your head out of the sand. Then we'll talk.

SusieQ

Not "some" people. One person in particular. Just ignore him. :o)

Randy B

Because it fits with THEIR agenda to think that way.

Susan

Never said that all adoptive parents have an ulterior agenda. Of course the whole point of adopting is to get a baby or a child, which is the explicit motive. I love my adoptive parents, their only 'agenda' was that they wanted a baby, and I dont know why, i assume they are infertile but we have never actually talked about it, (part of the silence that surrounds the issue)
Anyway, while not ALL adoptive parents have an agenda that you speak of, many do. Many believe that they are more 'entitled' to a child than that child's mother, and many do hold quite disturbing opinions of the parents of their children and are desperate and aggressive and sometimes downright creepy in their approaches to getting a child.
So once again, there are different people with different motives. Unfortunately, the adoption business, in the US at least, is by its nature about buying babies and getting mothers to give their babies away. Private adoptions are manipulated by many potential adoptive parents and open adoptions terminated by this 'lovely couple'.
So while many have what they may feel 'worthy' or good intentions, I am afraid that there are also many with less worthy ones.

Miss Clover

everyone has an agenda!!!

DevonChaos

Because certain adoptive parents actually HAVE an agenda.

Marnie B

Amen, I couldnt have put it better myself.

I agree with you. Some people think that you can only be a family through blood ties and that is just not true. I have people that I feel are party of my family who have not been adopted nor are they blood. But some people just don't feel that way. Some people think you can only be coerced in to given up your child. Not saying that it doesn't happen but some people do it as an act of love for the child, not themselves.

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