Why do most people assume that if you are an adoptive mother, that you adopted because you cannot conceive?

wynn

People assume that about my husband and me all the time. Two different coworkers quietly offered to surrogate for us when I told them we were going to adopt. Another told me that she couldn't imagine loving a child that wasn't born to her, so of course we'd only be adopting if we couldn't get a child any other way.

Most of the married people I know that have adopted either have bio kids, or are infertile. So since I don't have bio kids, I could see people assuming it's the latter.

LaraSue

Probably the most common reason that most people adopt is due to infertility, though that isn't always the case.
My mom taught me never to assume, you know, the whole "***" of U and ME thing!

SusieQ

because a lot whom cant conceive do adopt

Gaia Raain

I think, in America, that's the most common reason to adopt. People just can't imagine making the choice to raise someone else's child unless you can't have a homegrown baby. My parents think I'm an alien...not just because of this, either. lol

LaurieDB

Probably because it's traditionally been the most common reason. Four decades ago, when I was adopted, that was pretty much the main reason anyone adopted.

At one time, being single and adopting was very uncommon, too. There are still questions posted here about whether it's okay for single people to adopt, because in the past that's now how it was.

Gershom

I think I base my assumptions off of my own parents experiences. They adopted only because they couldn't conceive naturally. I hear of it happening alot and do assume often that people adopt because of infertility.

I hear of adoption after infertility happening more than say, the humanitarian approach to adoption, or the celebrity approach.

I'll try and work on that.

jm1970

I think it is just a natural assumption. Everyone assumes that women want to be pregnant and do the whole childbirth thing if they can.

foxinsox

Because most of us are narcissists. We have children because "oh our boy will look just like you bunny"... "yes and our girl will look just like you pumpkinpie".

not only that..but we are selfish creatures. we have children because of how it will enrich OUR lives....what a rude awakening when we actually have them and realize we have enslaved ourselves until our retirement years.

so..for someone to choose to adopt..THAT kind of open heartedness..is hard for many of us to conceive.

mjb0915

I never have assumed that , but for the most part people do adopt because they can't have kids of thier own.

Jarod C

Well, stastically speaking, MOST people assume because that's why MOST people adopt. It's more common. With you saying Most people assume, then your saying that not ALL people do.

lilmomma

Our situations are different but I have adopted one of my 4 and people ask me if I wasn't able to conceive? I don't understand why people assume that. My husband and I adopted b/c we felt it in our hearts to so and have much love for the little girl that we have adopted. Everyone just has these assumptions and don't realize that there are other reasons as to why families choose to adopt.

HappyMomAnna

Its seems to be one of the ways that many people who have little exposure or understanding about adoption assume...

The notion that adoption would be a first chioce is often the last thing someone consideres.

I know of several families who adopted without infertility being the reason... My husband and I chose to adopt even though we could easily afford the process to 'get pregnant' even after a tubal ligation...

When we chose to parent more children--I was pushing 38 and frankly believed that "creating" a baby in my case would be selfish--and that the risks of creating a special needs baby were too great... Not with 120,000 children waiting in foster care....

It was very easy to choose adoption over IVF even though it would have been no problem to afford no matter what the complications may have included....

I think some people have just never contemplated adoption and have not formed any other IDEA other then infertility as the issue...

But, the reality I see is that infertility issues is the reason for a percentage of people who choose to adopt but very much not the only reason many of us decide to adopt.

Wednesday Jester

Well, I never assumed that.
I would love to adopt, even though I can concieve.
Most people just jump to conclusions.

Addie

Honestly, as an adoptee, I can't imagine any other reason that you would want to adopt a baby. Why wouldn't you have a biological connection if you could? Why not share something so special? I can understand adopting older children, that's a different story.

My adoptive parents adopted 2 infants because they thought they were infertile. They eventually had a biological child.

beauteimparfait

I dont know, I never assume that, I actully have friends that want to have children and get married and everything but dont want to conceive, I think people should just assume that the person made the choice instead of being forced to adopt.

ribuckeye

why do you assume that MOST people do? i for one don't assume that. i always assume that adoptive parents adopt because they want to improve someones life and help those less fortunate. am i most people? don't know

opedial

I think for a great many of us that is the case. Unless aodpting from foster care, why put yourself through the endless questions, the wait lists the hopes, the crushing realities etc. etc. etc.

Just my thoughts...

Mrs.Stamey

My mother recently adopted a baby girl, and people think that way too, but when they find out she has 2 older daughters (20 and 17) they get confused. My mom went through a mid-life crisis i guess you could say. She had me and my sister at very young ages, and had her tubes tied. And now that shes 35 and me and my sister have moved out, she freaked cause she herself is still young. But people are always going to assume, just love your baby like it is yours from womb to grave and nothing else will matter.

Candy C

I don't assume that, I know many women that have their own children and adopted children. It takes a big heart and a lot of patients to adopt! I admire women/families that take these children and give them a great life! I hope to adopt someday myself!

Wundt

We have never had anyone assume this about us (as far as we know). However, we do have biological children

And, I don't assume it about others. I know too many people who have chosen not to have own children and/or who have adopted because they feel it is the 'right' thing to do.

Cam

I just answered another question stating that I refuse to explain or defend why I choose to be a parent. It's not why I'm here.

Infertile or not, has nothing to do with it for me. To assume that we all adopt to grieve the loss of fertility is obsurd.

Petra

I think that is is a misconception, I think most people assume that people only adopt when they cannot conceive. However if you are wondering about YA in particular I think they too know better but it is an easy, low blow. It is used here not as a statement or assumption but a hurtful insult designed to hurt adoptive parents or hopeful adoptive parents.

DaYgO gIrL

It is so funny how most of the answers start off by "I never asumed that" Sorry But I find that hard to believe. I think you asked this question becuase you want peoples true answers and people answering what they think you want to hear.
I did think that. I from experience"myself" want to adopt or fost becuase my husband can not have children. I already have one and want him to experience the joy a child brings. I also know that there is alot of people out there that can have children but feel that the do not want to bring children into this world knowing that there are so many children out there with no one to love them. It takes a wonderful person to adopt or foster a child it takes a even bigger person to do it even though they CAN have their own.
I think regardless of ones reasons, I praise adoptive and fostering parents! no doubt about it!!
God Bless All of You! And you are in my prayers! I hope your angels guide you and your family through this judgemental world! You are strong people, parents and children! Keep it Up!!

Shelly P. Tofu, E.M.T.

I AM an infertile who hopes to adopt, but I don't assume all adoptive parents are infertile.. sure, I'm sure a high percentage of infertile couples chose to adopt, but lots of other families do.. I think that's great to provide homes for children who NEED THEM

if only infertile people wanted to adopt, BUT there were still as many women who didn't want to raise their child, and families who had to have their children taken from them because it was a horrible family for a child, then there would be WAY too many children without stable homes who need them.. More than there are now!

So, I don't assume only infertile people adopt, I would hope not! (considering how many children out there need homes)

Still Me

Because some folks just live in a very small world.

I have had people assume that I was infertile, too.
Or that I wanted to "save" a child! (Wrong! Just want to be be parents and love and raise a child, thanks!)
Or that we were "turned down" to adopt within our race.
Or that I could not "afford" to adopt a newborn!

I, too, did not have the requirement that WE give birth to a child in order to love and cherish him/her.

Ignorance must be catching!

I agree with you but it is a reasonable assumption since that is why most people adopt.

In fact I was looking up adoption agencies and some of them wanted you to prove that not only were you infertile, but that you went through fertility treatments before they would allow you to adopt through them. The reasoning given was if you did end up having a biological child after adopting this one, you may prefer that one over the adopted one and not love the adopted one as much. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous in your life?

bailezra

I would say it's a reasonable assumption, considering the hoops you have to jump through and the expense associated with adoption.

We have friends who have spent upwards of $50,000 in their attempt to adopt a baby girl from China. It has taken years, and they still don't have a baby yet. If they could have one of their own, they would have.

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