Why do nMOM's not inform the nFather when she relinquishes? ?

snowwillow20

It is wrong to not the tell the nfather that he is a father unless she fears for her life and the life of her baby.

Independ"ant"

Sometimes they're advised not to by the agencies and Paps. Less red tape.

ETA: Its business...so the question is " is it illegal" and if so how do we get around the grey. Try proving in court that a girl was verbally advised/encouraged or manipulated into not informing the childs father.

Lori A

I too totally agree. Although I lied about the fathers name on the birth certificate, it was for a different reason. He was old enough to go to jail for it. He knew I was pregnant and stuck by me for as long as he could. (long story) I also had no idea it would cause other problems for my daughter in the way of medical information or ancestry. I'm sure the agency did but chose not to inform me of that because it was easier.

Lots of women feel that the father would not make a good parent which I also have issue with because he was good enough for the rest of the ride and no one knows until they try if they would be good at anything.

I have personally known several men who have been left with the care of their children either through divorce or death of a spouse and they have done exemplary jobs.

They have no right to judge something sight unseen and yet they do it all the time. I think there is a little influence going on in that area. Why wouldn't there be, an agency does the same thing to the mother. They tell them how much better off the child will be with a different set of parents, I'm sure same goes for the fathers.

MamaKate

I totally agree that Father's Rights are trampled on. Fathers are treated as a nuisance in most of the adoption world and often in society in general. Their rights and experiences are ignored and their value and feelings are marginalized.

Men are "programmed" not to talk about these things on top of it. If they show emotion, they are weak and if they don't show enough they are "cold" and "uncaring".

The only acceptable reason I can think of for a Mother not to reveal the name of a child's father is that she truly doesn't know it. And she should certainly try to figure it out!

I find it offensive that too often, children are seen as "possessions" and parents take adversarial positions towards each other and use the child as a means of intimidating, hurting or "punishing" the other parent(s). In both adoption and between biological parents "my child" is a truly hateful and immoral way to hurt and dominate another party or to minimize another party's relationship to the child. Children are not pawns or possessions and should never be used as a means for revenge or personal validation.

Kids are used to "get back at" former lovers, hidden from biological parents, alienated from people who care about them all the time and I think it is disgusting. It is unfair to deprive a child of love or a positive relationship familial. (Of course I do not approve of abusive or neglectful parents. Period.) Children are people and deserve to know the people who love and care about them.

Parental alienation is a very real issue and can cause terrible damage to the child; as well as the alienated parent(s). The best way I have ever been able to describe it is this:

You wouldn't give your child half a bath.
You wouldn't feed your child half a meal.
You wouldn't read your child half a story.
So why would you keep them from half of their family?

IMHO, a parent who truly loves their child is able to place their child's needs above their own insecurities, fears and anger. There is a great quote I read on a divorced mother's website somewhere that says "I will always love our kids more than I will ever hate their Father."

I believe it is a human right to know your heritage and family history - even if it is unpleasant, partly for identity reasons and partly for medical ones. Relationships between adults should never interfere with a child's well-being.

I think women who purposely withhold the name of a child should face a penalty. Especially if it has medical repercussions. In cases of rape or other instances where a woman truly does not know the Father's identity, EVERY effort should be made to find out before an adoption occurs. I also think that if a Father is not located and can later prove he was unaware of the child's existence, he should have legal recourse for visitation if he is a fit parent.

Agencies or facilitator who encourage women to omit Father's names, or willfully exclude Father's from the right to parent their child should be permanently closed and the culprits charges with human rights violations.

Just my two cents.

sizesmith

All the above, plus fathers leaving, one night stands, some men have threatened to hit women in the stomach if they get pregnant, they don't want to have the man in their life permanently.

One of the main reasons I see is men who say, "You can't give my baby away," and yet, they don't want to raise it either, and just leave it with the mom, who for several reasons already, is so overwhelmed, and doesn't want to keep the baby. Also, by putting the father's name on the birth certificate, etc, it forever makes a mark that concerns his being able to control a woman's life forever, like moving, remarrying, and more if she does keep the baby.

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