Why do people adopt as their first choice?

Gaia Raain

Because there are kids in foster care who need homes. I was going to be a parent anyway. Why not? There are kids who need new families, and if they are not adopted, in our current system, they will "age out" of the foster care system at 18 and be thrown out on their butts to try to figure out the world on their own. Brand new babies won't have any problem finding new homes if they need them. Everyone wants a baby. That's not necessarily so for older kids in foster care.

We could do much better by these kids than to stick them into a new family and expect them to cope with all that entails, but the alternative, at present, is worse (that is, of course, assuming that the new family is not abusive and is well versed in adoption loss and hurt kids). There should be more alternatives for the kids in foster care, better options for them besides "go live with strangers or get thrown on your butt at 18". Neither of those options is awfully appealing. Adoption is just the better of two not-so-great options.

I hope to do the best I possibly can to give my kids the best family possible, with the full understanding that I am second choice (their natural family, well and whole, would be the first choice).

Brother Otter

Because there are already lots of great kids in the world. Why add to the heap?

Because of concerns about genetics and family history of health problems.

monkeykitty83

That question is difficult to answer as it assumes that having biological children is right and normal, and adoption is somehow weird or abnormal. It depends on the things each of us as individuals prioritize. I mean, I might as well ask you, "Why would you have biological children as your first choice, when you are emotionally stable enough to adopt a foster child if you chose to?" You want biological children, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that-- but some people just have a different opinion about which is preferable.

For me, I don't have any particular desire to be tied to my child by blood. I don't feel a drive to become pregnant and have a baby. I don't fault people who do, but that's just not something that I've ever felt. Because of my genetics, it is unlikely my child would look like me regardless (I look so different from my parents that people sometimes have trouble believing we're related,) so looking like my children was never an expectation for me.

There's also the additional consideration that I have some serious genetic mental health issues that I would be likely to pass on to my biological children. I'm not entirely sure it would be ethical to bring children into the world knowing I would be saddling them with that baggage for no reason other than my own wants. It's one thing to help adopted children who already exist through mental health issues if they have them, and quite another to knowingly create the situation myself. If having biological children were a priority for me, this would be a harder decision, but that isn't the case.

I would like to be a parent, but it doesn't have to be to a child of my own blood, nor do I have a preference for an infant. There are tens of thousands of children in foster care who need adoptive families. It's not that I feel like I'm saving them-- just their needs and my desires converge. They need parents; I would like to be a parent.

And yes, I do believe providing homes for children in need of families is the right thing for me to do. That doesn't mean I get extra credit for it, though. I should always be trying to do what I think is right. Not doing that would be a mistake; doing it is what should be expected of me. Adopting children does not make the adoptive parents into saints.

The children in the foster care system who are waiting for homes are just as lovable, valuable, and important as a child I could create biologically. When I have the opportunity to give foster children a home and a family, I see no benefit in having biological children just for the sake of having them.

mom of many

perhaps because that's the choice they feel is right for them.

tish

absent of genetic issues (sickle cell, tay sachs, et al) or known health reason (uterine cancer, serious Rh incompatibility, et al) i see no other reason. and the "too posh to push" "i'm scared of childbirth" crew are beyond pathetic.

i do appreciate those who wish to adopt from foster care, and not hover over wombs of confused young pregnant women.

Jesse D

Because they want to give a child in need a nurturing home.

mom1

Speaking for myself, it was the only option. Before you fret, it wasn't because of infertility but rather a vision for my future. As a little girl, I wanted to adopt one special needs child. I really never dreamed of having my own or having "the perfect" child. I wanted a child who needed a home, not to fill my home with a child.
I had a master plan about the timing, however, one phone call changed all that. I am now am the proud parent to a biological relative! Unfortunately for my child, he was prenatally exposed. He is my "perfect" child and I never forget to thank him for simply being him.

Doodlestuff

Generally, these are folks who feel there are enough children in the world and they would like to devote their nurturing to children who have no families. It can also be people who have special skills, perhaps have worked with mentally disabled adults, who want to raise those kinds of children. These types of folks often completely change how handicapped children are raised so that they are more self-sufficient adults. Still others may consider themselves too old to have a baby and would prefer to raise an older child OR feel that they don't have the patience and physical resources for an infant.

Pirate Girls Kick Butt!

Some people have a core belief that there are enough people (children) on this planet already that do not have adequate care, and that there is no point in having more until those we already have are all loved and cared for.
<---is one of these people.
Some people know that they will have very though times getting pregnant, and /or that it might be a very risky ordeal. (EX: I've known since I was very young that I will need to have expensive fertility treatments and am at risk for endometriosis).
Some kids and parents find themselves in very peculiar situations (Ex:) such as if a parent(s) dies and a family member assumes guardianship and adopts the child.
Some people might do it for selfish reasons; like if the woman doesn't want to mess her body up.

Kassy

What are the reasons for having a biological child as the first choice? So he/she would have some of my dna & my husband's? Our dna, as far as I can tell, is not so extraordinary that the world needs more of it. But there are children out there who need families & homes. We wanted to be parents, but only have the resources to care for a certain number of children. We chose to provide a home for children that needed one rather than making more children.

Crucio

In the end I think some people may choose adoption first simple because they want too. Actor Kirk Cameron and his wife have four adopted children. They later had two biological children. But they adopted first because they wanted too it was not over fertility issues. My grandmother has some neighbors and they also adopted their first child again it was not about fertility problems.

As others have said sometimes there might be medical issues. I also know of a couple the man has Crohnâ€™s Disease and about 3 years ago he had to get a bag (that your waste goes into) They knew before they even married that if they had children they would adopt. The man did not want to risk passing Crohns on to a child. As the majority of the men in his family suffer from it including his father and brother.
Someone may just feel like providing a home to a child that truly needs it, rather then continuing to help with this planets overpopulation.

Also it just shows that having a biological child is not important to every single person/couple. In the end it really does not matter as long as the person(s) are good parents to their child(ren).

Randy B

Because they saw a situation in the world where love and care was needed and they decided to make a difference rather then piss and moan about it all.

Pat Brown

a choice to adopt is usuallymotivated by a whole constellation of factor, not just one or two. Basically, some people feel very aware of children without families and want to help a child grow up. Some people have health issues of their own or within family genetics, and adoption is preferred to the health risks. Some people adopt as an expression of social consciousness and a desire to do something constructive inthe world. Some people love children and will be good parents but find the pregnancy/birth experience too uncomfortable (physically or emotionally) for them. Every adoptive parent has unique reasons for the choice.

Not Adopted

Two possibilities:

--too wimpy to give birth
--narcissistic personality disorder that makes them think they are saving the world

allchildrenareangels

to give a baby that needs one a loving and stable home. There is no reason for my husband and I to bring anymore children into the world when there are so many in it already in need.

Love,
Michelle

Unknown....

I have wanted to adopt since I was a child. I don't know why that is so ingrained in me, it just is.. I don't want to adopt a baby, I want to adopt a minority sibling group and my husband wants at least one special need, preferably autistic...
My husband and I both feel the urge to adopt rather then have our own children. My husband has an adopted younger sister and my parents did foster care. I had a friend who 'aged out' of the foster care system and found himself homeless at 18. If I can prevent a child going through what he went through growing up, that's something I want to do.. Interestingly though, my parents are not pro-adoption they had biological children and feel that is the best way to go. My sister has biological children. They feel strongly about having their own children despite being familiar with children that grow up out of the foster care system. I have no internal desire to become pregnant and have my own child, but, I also have no fear of it either. We may have one biological child, but, preferably after adopting. I really can't explain it. I know adopting a couple kids is nothing you can brag about, people treat you like an alien for even talking about wanting to adopt. My friends don't understand it at all, I've even had one girlfriend of mine offer to carry a child for me if I couldn't..
I 100% understand someone feeling a need to have a biological child they carried with them for 9 months. I can understand that. BUT, I'm one of those people that for one reason or another does not have that part of maternal instinct. I have a strong desire to parent, but, not necessarily to become a parent in the traditional fashion.
Because I don't feel that way, I feel that I should adopt. I hate to see people that just adopt because they can't have a child any other way. It just seems so empty, like the child they adopted was their last choice.

world peace <3

Because their selfless and would rather give a child a better life. It's simple...why would you have a child if there are so many otheres out there that can be just like the one you could of had biologically...its all the same. You love and care for them the same way...but you give them a better life.

Heather B

I don't believe many really do.

Sophie

I did not want to become pregnant.
I wanted to be a Mom for the rest of my life.

Independ"ant"

Most couples don't. Its usually the last resort hence the boom in fertility treatments.

I know one couple that chose adoption because she didn't want stretch marks nor to go through labor so she passed that part off to another woman.

old lady

There are many reasons - sometimes a woman doesn't want to take the time out from her career to have a child, but wants a family. So - she adopts. Other times there are troubling genetic problems - a close relative with a disability or a disadvantage of some kind that they don't want to take a chance on perpetuating, so they adopt. Other times there are things like the Rh factor - perhaps a woman has had a couple of miscarriages and the Rh factor has kicked in. Doctors can sometimes alleviate the problem, but not always. There are many reasons why women may choose not to undergo pregnancy. But sometimes none of those reasons apply - they simply want to adopt one of the world's unwanted children. And all of these are valid reasons.

Marissa

Because they do not want to be pregnant and want to give a child a good home because plenty of kids need a good home.

anastasia beaverhausen-the real1

to look like saviors.

Curly Q

Because after you hold your baby, you know it's the one God planned for you to have. Adoption is in the heart, not the head. I felt driven to adopt. The main reason most people (who feel this desire in their heart to adopt) don't is because a domestic newborn adoption costs about $30-40k and is very emotionally taxing too. You must pass physcial, mental, criminal, credit, and social investigations of sorts. In addition, you must wait anywhere from 48 hours to 31 days or more depending on the state to make sure the birthmom doesn't change her mind. Just getting pregnant (if that's possible) is just much easier.

crazychickizback

Because they think it makes them some kind of hero. I may have to adopt, but only because of infertility. A lot of people that can't have kids try and convince themselves they wanted to adopt anyways too. I'm under no delusions, and I'm not happy about what an apparent hassle it is to find an adoptable healthy, normal caucasian newborn without having to go through foster care, but I may not have a choice. It blows my mind that some people don't even want to have their own kids

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