Why do people put their children up for adoption?

myst1998

Most don't. A decision is when person can decide what they want to do for themselves after they have been presented all the facts and consequences. Most mothers who are separated from their babies (and I said most not all), do so unwillingly. Many are coerced and forced into adoption, some have their children taken (yes it actually does happen), some are duped by agencies.

The view of the mother who loses her child by adoption is so warped. Most are seen as selfish or cruel once they finish the transaction, but whilst pregnant they are told they are unselfish and giving a couple a beautiful gift. The general public seem to have a view of a mother who has lost her child as a 16 year old who is incapable of caring for her child. Not so. A woman who is vulnerable, isolated and afraid is a very easy target whatever their age.

For the few who do it willingly, they do it because they somehow believe their child is going to better off without them.

In this case, it seems CPS may have been involved and her children were removed. If her children went into Foster care, they could have been adopted from there. I can't tell you much else without more facts of the case.

kateiskate

I'm confused. Did she give her kids up for adoption or did she adopt her kids? And why would you ask where her partner is?

She may not have answered your questions because you were 9 or 10 and therefore too young to understand the complexities of the situation. Then again, she probably didn't answer because you're a nosy little kid and it's her personal business!

nomiscats

Maybe she didn't want to explain herself to a child. It is really her personal business and she doesn't owe anyone any explanations. Maybe it is a painful thing for her to talk or think about.

wee neen

maybe she lost acourt custody case
maybe the husband kidnaped them
maybe its nothing to do with you

jessica

She probably couldn't care for them in some way. I'm sure she had a good reason. It was probably hard on her and that's why she didn't want to talk about it.

cantstopLinnyG

Many first mothers are extremely traumatized by the relinquishment of their child/children. They are also taught to never speak of the child. That could be one of the reasons, or perhaps she thought it was none of your business.

DevonChaos

Your profile says you are 25. Surely you know reasons why people put their children up for adoption. Individual reasons are none of your business. This subject is best left out of the ears of nosy children.

Rad-Tech

That was a very personal question for you to ask her. She probably regrets doing it, but felt it was in the best interest of her children.

Mei-Ling

Because they don't often have support or the resources necessary to "defend" themselves.

And by "defend", I mean against adoption agencies, against social workers, and against the courts.

'Insert name here'

Its one think liking children and working with them, bringing them up is a whole different story.

MamaKate

Dear Caring,

Well, you've certainly been scolded enough for being a precocious child!
(Kids ask questions. That's how they learn. Sheesh. As if kids know how touchy, messy and complicated adoption is without living with it!? 'Cause we brilliant adults think they "can't understand" or gloss it over. How many people discuss adoption with their children unless they have a personal reason?! Treating things like taboo subjects lead to ignorance.)

While I certainly cannot answer for why your former acquaintance's children were adopted (everybody has their own story) I CAN tell you that the biggest reasons for surrendering a child are age, marital status and finances (or a combination of one or more reasons). Please note that all of these things are temporary issues and in most cases are poor reasons to surrender a child but are consistently used to make women feel as if the "have no choice". When expectant parents are not given support and education, adoption often becomes "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and often results in permanent issues for the relinquishing parent(s) and/or the child.

Other reasons can be:
*Coercion or pressure from partner, family, friends, agencies etc. (Being convinced that they are an unworthy parent.)
*Medical Reasons (Parent(s) unable to care for the child due to medical issues with either the parent(s) or the child.)
*Forced Adoption (Child Services/DSS/CPS/DCFS/DYFS/ETC/)
*Education/Career choices (believing that parenting would preclude advancement of education or career or that the child will have "better opportunities with other caretakers.)
*Charity (Misguided attempts to help the childless.)
*Mental/Emotional Problems (Some people are not willing or capable of parenting due to mental illness or emotional issues that prevent them from being a proper parent.)
*Religious and Political Beliefs (Religious or political beliefs that prevent termination of an unwanted pregnancy.)
*Government Policy (The one child policy in China, anti-abortion laws, etc.)
*Lack of Knowledge (Not knowing the truth about adoption or its issues, effects, laws, etc.)
*Drug Abuse (Drugs make people do stupid things.)

There are more, but I think I hit the big ones.

Adoption is often an unnecessary tragedy for the relinquishing parent(s) and many adoptees as well. Most of the reasons are ones that could be overcome with the proper support. Relinquishing parents are often "shamed into silence" and struggle with terrible grief and guilt surrounding their children's adoptions. It is only in the last 15 years or so that these women (and men) have really begun to speak out about their experiences and attempt to educate others and overcome the stigma and discrimination that comes with the ugly title of "birthparent". (Thank the industry for this lovely term which was invented to help psychologically separate parents and their offspring.)

As you are now 22 and asked this of your former acquaintance when you were 9 or 10 and she had relinquished prior to your knowing her, chances that she has felt shamed, isolation, grief and unable to share her experiences are even greater. My best friend's mother is also a first mom. She has never spoken of her experiences to anyone but my friend and me. She has suffered tremendously and alone for a long time and has a very hard time talking about her other daughter. I am helping her see that it is ok for her to share her pain and that she is NOT the horrible person she believes herself to be.

I hope that your former acquaintance has found some peace and perhaps her voice and I hope that you will extend your friendship and acceptance to her again should you ever have the opportunity.

cnoteâ™¥

people put their children up for adoption for many reason...
like if they lose their job and no longer have the funds to take care of them, If they are in an abusive relationship and dosent want the child to get hurt, or if they are 13 and are a kid themself...many many reasons.

It was none of your business why she adopted them. She did not owe you an explanation. You were very nosy asking her that.

saved_by_grace

Because they are unable to care for them. Some people are private and feel it is an invasion of privacy if someone asks personal questions. In my opinion it is very rude to ask those types of questions unless the subject has been brought up by the other party.

Maryam V

they give the baby up cuz they probably cant afford it or cant do take care of it at teenage years

Mom to Foster Children

It's not nor wasn't her story to tell - the story should be told by the children that were adopted.

Kellie

Because they can't adequately care for them.

devgru

because they were mistakes

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