Why do people solicit babies on YA? This seems so wrong on so many levels?

Marsha R

Ahhhh, we're in total agreement again!!! I am not ashamed to say I report every single person I see soliciting for a child on Y!A whether its a question or answer. So far, Y!A has been great about dealing with it. I mean really, what are these people going to tell their children someday when they ask how they came to be adopted? Well son, your "tummy lady" posted on a place called Yahoo!Answers asking for help, and I thought that would be a pretty good opportunity to score me a baby so I said hey, give me your baby person that I've never met before. And not knowing one single thing about me, she agreed and let me become your mother! I mean really...I don't think there is any justification for that. If you want a baby there are more proper ways to go about doing so besides preying upon people who need genuine help, answers and support on a question and answer board online. Its selfish and, in your own words, its ooogie!!

tish

cowboy fan,

you are channeling my thoughts!!! it's the same unethical soliciting that took place in the 80s, but with new technology. instead of adoption counselors hanging out at the local health department or free clinic on "family planning and teen clinic" day; folks just 'point and click ' their way to commandeering a kid fresh out of the womb of a young scared pregnant woman.

it's sick and wrong. i equate the behavior to pimps picking up run-a-ways at the greyhound bus station.

EDIT:
hold up cowboy fan... there's a baby waiting without paparents because the baby MIGHT be black??? oh, the hypocrisy....unreal...

Isabel A

My feeling is that people who try to solicit babies online at places like Y!A are usually people who can not pass a homestudy through the regular channels. Meaning, they probably have a history of abuse of some kind in their past or present. Trolling the internet is the last resort for these people.

Expectant mothers in crisis pregnancies should stay away from these types of people. Please investigate reputable agencies. Do not give your baby to an online stranger.

a healing adoptee

I agree with you!! I think it's not very nice to do it. If people want to adopt then they should abide by the laws of the state they live regarding adopting a child.

Alaina's Mumma!

Ha! I agree. I posted in the "pregnancy" category about being upset about my ex walking away when he found out. I said I was scared and wondering if I could do it alone. Nowhere in it did I say my fears would hold me back from raising this child the best I know how! But for some reason, I got about 12 emails from people asking for my baby. I thought that was very presumptuous and rude.

I completly agree that YA is a place for suggestions and concerns, not a sales market.

P.s. The baby in your picture is adorable! Absolutely adorable!

Gershom

I couldn't agree with you more on this one, it is one of my greatest "icks" in adoption. It is illegal to do this in Australia. And should be illegal in the united states also. I complain and report every time I see it done on Y!A's.

you know what you rarely see, is people offering to help them keep their babies.

There is too much wrong with it to write in one message. But i'll try and sum it up a little.

Pre-birth relationships with emoms ( expecting mothers ) don't give the mother the time to try and parent. They can lead mothers to surrendering out of obligation and guilt. Pre-birth relationships often involved paps helping mother out with things like rent, utilities etc. so what happens if she changes her mind? and wants to parent? its essnetially setting up the mother to be obligated to give them her baby when she hasn't even had a chance to live with her baby and see if she can do it. Assuming the mother is capable of parenting, the best possible solution to an unexpected pregnancy is the mother raising her child. That would prevent separation trauma and signifigant loss to the baby.

nobody is thinking of the child. just themselves in these situations.

Its unethical, and just flat out wrong. ick!

Kim

I don't know, but I agree that it's icky. It's also against the terms of service of YA.

megan w

That is so weird you would post this. Today was the first time I visited the adoption part of yahoo answers. I mean I saw a woman who said if the natural mothers baby turned out to be a boy, she would take him. It was sad. This other woman was looking for a baby for her sister. I find it disturbing.

dory

YES, I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!!!!!

It is beyond wrong and unethical and disgusting. I too think it should be illegal.

Frightening what Colleen T said about receiving 12 emails when she never even said she was planning on relinquishing. And people wonder why some of us adoptees feel like commodities? We are human beings, not an item on ebay. UGH.

And yes Cowboy Fan, it is sad that nobody is waiting in line to adopt that baby if he/she is black. The U.S. is one of the largest exporters of black babies - see links supplied - which is bizarre since people will adopt from Ethiopia and other African countries. My guess would be that has something to do with not wanting the natural mother in the picture - especially since it seems to cost more to adopt a black baby overseas then to adopt one domestically. How can adoption not be seen as a supply/demand driven market when the cost of babies is determined by the color of their skin?

punxy_girl

That just creeps me out. And I know what you mean about skin color. When my husband and I were adopting, some adoption agencies tried to solicit us by saying that the baby should be "very light skinned".

Hey, Dory, just read your post. I don't know a lot about African Adoptions, but I do know that adoptions from Haiti (where children are from African descent) are very low. I think 131 for the U.S. last year. And these adoptions are less costly and with less restrictions than Chinese adoptions. I read a social worker say that it's because the children are of African descent. In this country, the lighter the complexion, the more costly the adoption.

Julie R

I agree with you. I think it's wrong on every level imaginable.

And I agree with Gershom (and Australia) that a mother should not even consider adoption before her child is born.

I have seen and heard the arguments saying that the mother gets the opportunity to choose a family she feels would be good for her child, but such "relationships" have proven not to be revealing enough (just look at what happened to Red&Sassy - and the other 80% of mothers who choose "open adoption"). It also burdens the mother with feelings of obligation toward the PAPs.

More important is the effect on the prenate, who will (yes, I have the research to back it up) sense being abandoned even in the womb. This is not good for any child. And what if the mother changes her mind? The child has still gone through that. I find that very sad.

And I agree with Isabel that people who solicit on the internet or stalk crisis pregnancy centers or high schools, etc. are those who probably can't pass a home study - or at least have no respect for the solemn responsibility that adoption requires.

Lil Momma

It upsets me that people take it so lightly. They think that they are on ebay or somethin!!!!!! Posting ads for babies?! Have they lost their minds?? I mean really, every time that I see one of those questions I get upset. Asking for suggestions for reliable resources I understand. Asking for your flesh and blood as though you are shopping for a hard to find item? I have to agree with some of the other post on that one, ITS UNETHICAL AND VERY VERY VERY WRONG!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!!!!!

Andraya

Desperation.

Laurel J

There can be no justification. It is just as wrong as it can be and it makes me sick. I don't understand why wanting a child really badly means you can use any means necessary to get it. We don't apply that logic to any other item a person might want really badly, do we? Like material things? And aren't babies and children more precious than things?

I'm for adoption when it's truly in the best interest of the child. If I found out my a'parents had acquired me by trolling for pregnant women on the internet, I don't know how I'd feel. I'm not a puppy or kitten.

Heather B

I agree with you entirely and it's disgraceful, I've seen it alot

Then the predators who prowl the internet looking for someone's baby they can 'help themselves' to sometimes get scammed, there is an uproar. Go figure.

Betsy

I agree with you and while I never resorted to anythign liek that I have experienced the same desperation so kind of understand of. I've seen several just like the one you describe int eh last few days

ameeker

That is so wrong! I am appalled.

BPD Wife

When I see these types of questions or answers, I try to remind people that in many states it is considered illegal to "advertise" for a child in this way. Most states have regulations regarding it, and it could actually prevent an adoption from being finalized. You also have to be wary of all of the adoption scams out there too. I don't know why anyone would want to risk all of that. It's scary.

Anastasia's Mommy

Many people just really want children - a lot are unable to have them. Going through adoption agencies can at times take years and years. Most people say it in hopes, but not in actually thinking they will get a baby because of someone on YA. Why are you so offended by it?

It's not a bunch of BS. I know several families who are unable to have children - who have put no specifications on race or gender , just that the child is a newborn or under 6 months. They also have passed their homestudies and are not lazy people. It is great that you were able to adopt, but just because it happened so quickly for you, does not mean it is that way with everyone. I personally have not seen anyone "soliciting" babies, just rather making small comments about how they would like to adopt a baby.
You still never answered why you were so offended by the fact that people made these comments. I don't find that it is a big deal.

Sometimes people do have fertility issues, and would like to have children.. .just because you don't doesn't give you the right to look down on those who do.

If by "soliciting" you mean e-mailing and requesting that they be considered for adoptive parents, then sure that is wrong, but if you are just talking about the little comments people post, who cares?

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