Why do people think adoption is ok?

Heather B

People don't seem to value the preservation of natural families any more.

It has much to do do with $$$$$$$$$ and very little to do with the best interests of the child.

I see that people are again answering that adopted children are 'better off' growing up in a family who are not their kin, that's pure conjecture ( how could they possibly know that, it's ridiculous)

The vast majority of kids who end up adopted come from mothers who, with a little temporary support at the right time, would have made wonderful mothers to their kids. Alas many succumb to the adoption industry marketing ploys and compare themselves unfavorably with people who are sold to them as 'better' or 'more worthy' than their very capable selves.

Lisa

I don't believe anyone should be forced to keep a child or get married.

Sly

â€¦and no one is forced into adoption, just like an abortion.

Amber, I have to disagree with the statement above. Stephanie Bennett was clearly forced into surrendering baby Evelyn under threat to her life and the lives of her entire family. Some might consider that to be a bit coercive and I know for a fact that Stephanie felt forced.

The only reason that Stephanieâ€™s baby girl is not with her right now is due to the lack of money to fight for her daughter. The women at the agency who organized to remove Evelyn ( a healthy blued eyed baby girl, prime adoption material) have been sanctioned by the state along with the attorney husband who orchestrated the loss, the attorney whose inept handling at the beginning got the case tried, IN THE WRONG COURT, committed suicide on Evelynâ€™s second birthday, and the school Guidance Counselor who made the call to the agency and arranged it to be completed in his office has been terminated by the school district. Stephanie passed a Lie Detector Test, something that most women do NOT have to do, to show the coercive treatment she received.

Evelyn was happy at home with her family, Stephanie was at school, her mother was providing daycare while she was in school. There was no reason why that should have not been the optimal solution for her. However, there was money to be had for the placement of a healthy white infant girl, and the chance was seized. I just hope that the people who have baby Evelyn, who knew full well that Stephanie was abused by the system and refused to return her baby, even under a court order, enjoy the time they have with her, because when she is old enough to read the internet, they are going to have some serious questions to answer, and I hope that they are prepared to reply so that they donâ€™t sound to her like they do to me.

sunny

I hear ya, sista.

Heather Leigh

I was in complete agreement with you until you said "We should be standing up to FORCE these Mothers to keep the child, FORCE them to get married- not suggest adoption as though it has no reprucusions."

I think we need to make sure the mother knows what services are available to her, but we can not force her to raise her child. I believe that when we force someone to be a parent it can lead to child abuse.

I also do not agree with forced marriages just because someone is pregnant. I think the day of the shot gun marriage need to remain a thing of the past.

laina

And what if these teen mother were forced to get married and keep their babies? Do you think it would be a healthy marriage? That child would grow up feeling unwanted. it would be better off in adopted into a good family who wanted a child and all the responsibility that comes with it.

kidsgod2000

So what you are saying is that when a teenage girl knows that she is not ready to keep her child you think they should be forced to..... Well I am 19 and me and my boyfriend found out I was pregnant after I had been on the pill for 7 seven. I am now 4 months pregnant and we have decided to give the baby up for adoption. I know that if I keep the baby I would be unhappy and regret it the rest of my life. I know that I am not ready for a child or to get married and have you told your mother your thoughts about adoption?

Not Adopted

It is social engineering, and the adoption industry profits highly.

With a little family support, most young mothers are perfectly capable of continuing their education and raising their own child. It's all in the attitude - if they want to succeed, they will.

Adoption creates many lifelong issues for both the mothers and their lost children. Even children raised by loving adoptive families still loose their identity, their medical history, their entire ancestry.

lilyann

If a woman doesn't want to keep her child what would forcing her to keep it do? She realizes she isn't capable of taking care or loving a child so why would you pressure to do that?

Minns

If a child can't be properly looked after, why should that child suffer because of someone else's mistake? There are many couples out there who cannot have children for any number of reasons. Why shouldn't these couples have the chance at a family? If they are willing to accept a child into their home and treat him/her as their own, I don't see anything wrong with that. There's a problem when children are raised by parents who don't love them - NOT when children are raised by parents who didn't conceive them.

Dark_Fire_Angel

OK first off marriages because of someone getting pregnant don't work. 3 of my family members did this and guess what all 3 of them are divorced bringing multiple children into the mess. You can be a good parent and not being with that person. Also adoption is not a big a crime as you think. I'm a birth mother no one forced me into signing my rights away i did what i thought what was best for my child. The couple she is with can't have children on there own. She had cancer and the only way for her to live was to remove her ovaries. She loves being a mommy and is really good at it should she be never given that chance because she had to remove the cancer to save her life. I agree with you on that people should not force young mothers to give up there baby if they don't want to i'm all for them raising there children if they feel they can. I knew i couldn't no one told me i couldn't quite the opposite everyone said i could and would help me if i wanted to parent. Truth of it was i was in no way ready to be a mom and i was using protection but it still happened anyway. My point is that if a birthmother chooses that path instead of trying to change there minds and telling them you'll regret it we need to support and try to uinderstand what they are going threw.

medusa

The worst thing you could do is keep a child that you dont want, because they will probably grow up resenting their parents, who might not have wanted to get married at all even more, and sorry, but abortion should be an option to certain cases. Who wants to grow up thinking they ruined their parents lives? Who are we to force any one to do anything that they dont want?

hogtyd

All great answers, so far. It doesn't make any sense to force anyone to adhear to a decision forced upon them. It'll only cause resentment, increased welfare, Medicaid, family violence...it's a long list.

I don't know where I'd be if my 26 year old birth mother hadn't given me up for adoption. I've known all my life that I was a much-wanted, much-loved, chosen child that my parents had always dreamed of. I learned later in adulthood, that my mother was married, due to a pregnancy in 10th grade, dropped out of school, had that child and four more, not including three miscarriages in 7 years, resulting in several suicide attempts and hospitalizations. She cheated on her husband, resulting in pregnancy and ME! She had no education to take care of herself or her 5 kids, let alone me. But, being adopted, I grew up loved, wanted, housed, clothed and educated by stable parents. What more could any woman want for her child?

Maygan

Do you realize how many of the babies put up for a adoption are by teens or single women? If someone realizes that they cannot provide for a baby that they weren't planning for, why should you have the right to tell them too bad, you messed up, now you need to deal with it? You said you didn't want to talk about the subject of abortion, but then two sentences later you mention killing a baby. When you put your baby up for adoption, you don't kill it. That's abortion. If you don't want to talk about something, you shouldn't bring it up. You talk about adoption as if every mother just hands over their baby without a care in the world. Do you honestly think women don't feel remorse or sadness at the fact that they can't handle a child, so the baby that they have carried for nine months and grown to love is being given to another family??
If a woman can't take a care of a baby, for any reason, and she is being BRAVE enough to admit that to the world, you shouldn't be telling her she is just "throwing her baby away." And what about the women that aren't physically able to have children, but want them? They have the right to children. And if they are able and willing to provide to a child who isn't even their flesh and blood, why stop them?!

Kim B

You want to force the mothers to marry someone they don't love and keep a child they can't provide for? How stupid is that? The children would probably turn out worse than those in your family because they would grow up in a non loving environment and would have to watch their parents struggle to support them. Putting their child up for adoption is the best thing to do for someone who's parent doesn't either want them or can't provide for them. Your point of view seems a little off. You may need to rethink things. Just because some of your family members have some problems doesn't mean everyone who is adopted will turn out that way. The only reason these mothers should be keeping their children is if they really want to care for this child, the father wants to be a part of their lives and they can provide for them financially.

minmin

when you force someone to keep a child, you run a much higher chance of abuse and neglect. and if you force marriage, you will have a child who is being raised in an unhappy home without love. and i think that adoptees have issues to work through but they should also consider how it'd feel to be raised in this way. i believe adoption is a better answer than a life of unhappiness for everyone...

Cate

I think that if you truly do not feel that you can take care of a child properly then adoption is a great thing. There are lots of loving couples and single people looking to love a child who are ready for the responsibility and have the emotional and financial health needed to raise a child. Someone should not be forced to raise a child they don't think they're ready for. You should not force anyone to do anything. Pregnancy is a personal thing and its solely up to the people involved to make what they think is the best decision for the baby. Forcing someone to get married and keep their child would obviously not equal a happy family.

sjwallace1053

The concept that you have the right to "force" anyone to keep a child is ludicrous.

Giving a child up for adoption is the most loving act a mother can perform. It is excruciatingly painful, not just at the time, but for decades to follow.

Your assumptions are totally erroneous re the happiness of adoptees and the financial status of adoptive parents. My son was adopted by a school teacher and his wife. He was loved and well adjusted. They were secure enough to encourage him to find me. I became friends with them as well.

You are taking your personal situation, which is obviously bad, and projecting it on the world. Your idea is a very bad one.

Tada

to tell you something i know i am a teen that is pregnant and i have chosen to give my child up for adoption because i love him and i also know that i do not have the money to take care of him and also to give him a good life and also to have him be able to have insurance for him and i never want to have any of my children not have insurance......i would also not have enough money at all to take care of this child i do and i really truly love this boy and i know it will be hard to do expesally after i am able to hold him and kiss him but i know that he would be able to have a better life with a different family because with me not having money to take care of him he might actually die if i keep him...

chip

Some times it is better of that they are dopted because they want there child to have a mother and a father and they also might think that they are to young and might be at school still.

Lotsofquestions

Adoption is very right. I have been adopted several times fortunately i have found the right family. My birthparents did not have the money to raise me so they put me into adoption.. it was thier choice because they didn't want to raise a human life wrong.. they wanted me to find a good life.

THe people should not be forced either unless they cannot raise the child in good conditions.. if you live in a carboard box you can't keep a child bc you can barely take care of yourself!

Je June

It sounds like you've had some problems in your family. Have you ever thought that they may be family problems and not adoption problems?

I don't know any bitter and depressed adopted people, and I know quite a few. I am one. I'm happy and I'm really glad that someone convinced my birth mother to put me up for adoption.

We need to encourage more teen mothers to think about adoption, not less.

Angela B

I think it should be perserve the child and not the family. I'm sorry some people/family are screwed up and always will be screwed up and toxic to their childern. Does this happen often, No!! Just a thought

OCwahine

teen moms shouldn't get married and shouldn't be having kids, they're not ready for it, it's that simple
and the baby will most likely have a better home with out struggling as it is growing up because teen mothers can't handle it
&p.s. all the adopted people i know are perfectly happy with their lives

MOMMY TO 8

adoption lets the child have a chance at life with people who not only love it, but are also willing to take care of it. a teen mom can love her kid all she wants, but love doesn't pay the bills. and no one is forced into adoption, just like an abortion. telling a financially incompetent parent to keep their kid and making them feel bad if they don't would be irresponsible on our part.

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