Why do people think they DESERVE reunion when the child turns 18? (2.0, the non-blocked version)?

questiadivinorum

I have a daughter somewhere, 14 years old by now.. who I wish I could see. I think I deserve to see her because when she was given up I was 15 and homeless.. had no support and did what was necessary to ensure her happiness.

Lori A

I answered too but will again. It seems so cold and heartless really to hear people say "you signed away ALL your rights" I had my reasons and if you want to know what they are, go through past posts. I loved my daughter my whole life and hoped we would meet again. I never thought I deserved anything for what I did. I HOPED I would get a second chance. People who knew what I put myself thru thought I "deserved" a reunion but I thought I deserved nothing. I only hoped.

As stated in the other post, I believe that any adoptee who desires to know their first family "deserves" the opportunity to find them.

ETA: No second account is needed to view the question, just answer it. Shame on you.

LaurieDB

I wasn't blocked, so I answered. But, I'll say a few words.

I don't hear anyone saying they DESERVE it. I do hear people saying they hope for it. There's a big difference between the two.

Giving up legal parental rights doesn't mean the person gives up being an integral part of the child's past and the child's identity. You are always a part of one another.

Honesty, I don't blame a first parent one bit for hoping that contact will occur. I can't imagine how painful giving up my own flesh and blood would be.

******

Regarding YooooHooo's statement about how the asker would know the question from which she was blocked:

When a person is blocked s/he can still read the question, since the link to the question usually IS the question. You just can't view anything further or answer the question.

Using an alternative account in not needed in order to know a question from which you are blocked.

Shame on you for assuming the worst, YoooHooo.

Laurel J

I still don't quite feel I "deserve" a reunion, just to know where I come from. I can't force someone who doesn't want me in her/his life to let me in.

But I don't think one meeting is so much to ask, and it would probably be good for my mental and emotional health. I guess what I mean to say is, I don't NOT deserve it.

Heather B

I haven't heard anyone say they "Deserve" a reunion but I have heard thousands of searching Adult Adoptees and first mothers say they "hope" for it

Frankly whatever relationship there is between two consenting adult people is really none of anyone elses business; particularly judgmental and insecure adopters like the red blimp

ETA. The termination of parental rights does not apply to grown adults. Grown adults have the freedom to associate with whomever they choose without having to answer to any of their parents

ETA. Hee Hee Yoohoo/noodlesmycat hasn't figured out yet that you can read questions even when you're blocked, but simply logging out LOL

Gershom

What would a reunion be defined as?

A relationship? I don't "deserve" that.
Answers to my questions, I think anyone even the non adopted deserve answers to ancestrial, or medical questions.
I believe we deserve to know "why" and I feel we deserve at least one f2f.

Freckle Face

Like it or not they are family. There is a bond that cannot be broken by a piece of paper terminating parental rights. It would be hard to imagine a first mother never wanting to see her child again. I guess it could happen but i'm sure its a rare occurrence.

Another argument would be first parents terminate parental rights in regards to raising a child. An adult/adult relationship is something totally different.

I think the word "deserve" is condescending.

ETA this is what i cut/paste from other post. Condescending not directed at you Sunny. I agree every adopted child deserves to meet their First mother/family.

Isabel A

I met my firstmom and my adoptive mom was happy for me. It didn't break her heart at all. I have two mothers. That is adoption. Pretending otherwise is foolish and selfish. I am very thankful that I got one of the good adoptive moms. She never ever thought to pretend to be my only mother or to treat me like she owned me.
And yes, I think any adoptee who wants to deserves to at least meet their first parents. If only we all had access to our ecords and were able to make that choice for ourselves.

Romany

I think fewer people believe they deserve a reunion BEFORE they have made contact than AFTER they have been rejected. It's one thing to imagine the whole range of "what ifs" when you are still searching - it's something else to have the person you have finally found after YEARS of searching not even willing to acknowledge you.

~Jenny~

ELVA>>>I think you may be the first person that has annoyed me in a long time...a gift...LMAO....for your info...EVERY LIFE is a gift...even yours...excuse me sir...what isle can I get a girl on....ppl have this idea...that because a BM gives up her child...then the Adoptee should be forever grateful...and the AP owe a BM something when a child trurns 18...I think in the end of all this mess in adoption...it should depend on what the once child...now adult wants...whether to meet etc... ppl treat Adoptees as an object like they were purchased at a store...my life is a gift...and I came stright from my BM...

a healing adoptee

I never thought i deserved a reunion with her. i felt i deserved answers as to why she gave me up and i was willing to get my adoption records to get those answers, but not to the point that i deserved a reunion. i was fortunate that my mother WANTED to meet me. so for those of you who say that a birth mother does not want to meet her child that she gave away, then how do you explain my mother wanting to meet me?

scali

IF THEY CARRIED YOU NINE MONTHS THEN THEY DESERVE A CHANCE TO SEE THE OUTCOME AND HOW THEIR BIO CHILD HAS TURNED OUT!!!!LIKE IT OR NOT I THINK THEY DESERVE THAT MUCH

snowwillow20

I didn't believe I DESERVED a reunion, in fact I felt the opposite, I thought it was best to just let it be. My bdaughter was 29 1/2 when I decided I was emotionally stable to look for her, I felt I would be able to handle the reunion no matter how it went. I always thought that maybe after she turned 18 I might look, but I didn't. I wish I had but I wasn't ready. She never looked for us and wasn't planning on it.

pegasis

I feel that if a child wants to meet their parents then they should be able to. but parents dont deserve to meet their children if the child does not want to meet them.

Jenna

It is every birth mothers legal right to give a child up BUT I think that it is a basic human right to know where you come from.

I think you should be able to find your birth parents but you have to be able to accept it if they don't want have you in their life.

I think that one meeting would be fair.

Birdy

sertainly everyone deserves to know who brought them into the world after all if it wasnt for them then you would be her RIGHT . also its human nature to be curiouse of everythign and went you have been adopted thats one of you biggest question why didnt they want me . did they have a choice . what are they like those things are ideal and important to a person its like a surprise that can drive you wild or disapoint you .

elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom

every situation is different... imagine being raped by some guy... took your virginity even! then, finding out your pregnant... =(...

or perhaps you had no way to raise this child alone, because you were raped, and could not track down the father because you didn't know his last name, noone to babysit while you worked...noone!

not sure about the deserving part =(... if the child goes looking, yes, they deserve to know everything...

Mary

I also want to add, in response sort of to another questioner, lol... something I said to them too...

In a way, giving someone a life that they could not have given birth to themselves, is a true gift... in a way, sure, they deserve to know what's up when the child is 18... =), it's the least an adoptive parent can do for the one who gave them a life... it's truely a blessing...

surfnerd

becasue curious

jake

No. No one deserves a meeting.

I am told that 99% of girl adoptees want this and 15% of boys.

Be grateful for being adopted. You can't blame your birth parenst for your problems.

It is selfish to upset your birth parents' life.

YoooHoooo

I am curious if you were blocked how would you even know about this question, it would seem if you were blocked then that was because she decided she did not want you to be able to answer her questions for whatever reason. Mabe you should respect her privacy and not log into your other accounts to stalk and torment her and other people.
Shame on you

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