Why do pro-adoption people feel sorry for women who lose their children to CPS?

HappyMomAnna

I only know why I do...and it isn't that hard to Feel Sorry for the mother of my children...

As a Foster Child herself it would have been nice if Anyone had gone to look for her when she ran away from her foster home at the age of 14... I feel sorry No One Cared about HER enough to help her have the skills and ability to take care of herself--let alone her children.

I feel sorry, knowing she was once in foster care and didn't get what she needed--be it mental health services, love or whatever!

She didn't have a Chance! and I hope that with Her children I can change the legacy of her family...

Is it that hard to understand that We can See the results of someone who didn't have anyone who loved them enough to be the best parents they could be for the Mother's of these children?

I feel sorry for the fact that whatever it was about their own lives apparently they did not learn the skills of being a good mother--or understand what it was to love her own baby... Be it lack of her own parents--or lack of quality mental health services or whatever...

Most (not all) of these people who lose their children to Foster Care didn't have a snowman's chance in you know where in the first place... That is something we should all be sorry about.

Randy B

No, it's not obvious that they were not being good parents. CPS gets involved for many reasons and sometimes they even make mistakes. To assume that anyone who is in favour of adoptions would be glad that something like this happens is mistaken and shows a lack of both understanding and compassion on your part.

cantstopLinnyG

Maybe because they are compassionate? Maybe because they realize that sometimes people have issues so deep that they hurt their children, or that possibly, the f moms may be victims of a pattern of abuse that may run generations deep? Maybe because they realize that their gain of a child is rooted in another woman's loss and pain? maybe because they realize, that even in cases of abuse, that child still loves their first Mom, even though she hurt him or her?

No one here would EVER say that a mother/child bond is more important than a child's safety. No one.

P.S.- using the term BM is a cr@ppy thing to do. like it or not, that woman is the reason the child is now their child, no matter what the reason for relinquishment. It does nothing but insult the adoptees and their first parents.

Katiesmama11

As someone that is pro-adoption, I must say I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. As an educator I have personally called CPS and assisted them on multiple occasions. Kids, adopted or not need to be loved, wanted, and have their needs met.

red elephants

I wouldn't say I'm pro adoption exactly but in cases like abuse yes I would be all for it. That doesn't mean that I cannot feel sorry for the women who lost their children. Sorry that they couldn't get their lives together for their children's sake, that they are more dedicated to drugs/alcohol/etc than their kids, etc.

A family friend had her child taken last year by CPS due to drugs/alcohol abuse. She had no home, no job, nothing. She stole to feed her habits. She was given so many chances are rehab and treatment and left all. Drugs were more important to her than her son. I feel very sorry for her and the fact that she has completely screwed up her life to this point. I feel sorry that she cares so little about herself and son. I'm also disappointed, frustrated and angry at/with her. I'm also hopeful that one day she will be able to pull it all together and see her son again.

mom to be

Regardless of how you feel about adoption, everyone is saddened when a child is removed from their family for what ever reason. I am for adoption but I am not for taking children from their families unless it is necessary. I am also a mandated reporter and I have reported people to CPS when it was necessary.

Lori A

Two points for Randy. CPS isn't always right, sometimes makes mistakes, and don't forget the bonuses bestowed upon its workers for doing THEIR JOB.

I don't know anyone in their right mind that would want to see a child tortured, starved, caged, neglected, raped, molested, fed drugs or alcohol to make them less hungry or more tolerable.

You have a very narrow opinion of the topic, broaden your horizons, it will set your anger free.

AGAIN what once was established to be a good thing to protect children who are being abused and neglected have given THEMSELVES a huge black eye with their self appointed power to play GOD. Another system that needs a douche.

TerraMere

Sometimes situations are just sad all the way around. Maybe someone is an irresponsible parent to the point of not making a good parent. they should not be able to have their children. It does not mean that this is not sad for them and for their children. The world is not always so black and white.

Looney Tunes

I don't. I feel bad for the children. In all these situations, the child is always the victim.

And as for the "cycle of abuse" excuse ~ each person has to make up their mind to step up and stop it. The MAJORITY of abused people stop it and do not become abusers. Many times, their lives are no better off than the ones that don't stop the cycle. What is different.....the ones that stop the cycle MAKE THAT CHOICE to not abuse. IT'S A CHOICE....

And in the case of child abuse, anyone that lays a hand on a child and causes pain and fear to a child deserves NO sympathy.

Serenity71

Compassion, its hard to understand why a parent would abuse or harm in any way their child.

All cases in this are different. I don't believe kids should be placed in dangerous situations simply because they have a biological connection. How can a child really bond with an abusive person in a way thats truly loving, most of the time ist out of survive or they become needy of their parents and mistake it for loving them. And its all they know, when a child is raised with someone hurting them constantly they don't know what real love is suppose to be like, so they cling to what scraps are thrown their way of real affection. For kids some of its out of fear of more pain if they show any emotion to the abusers

I'm talking about abusive parents, not ones that are just in a pickle and are working to be able to afford to raise their kids again. Those parents I do have compassion for.

Kazi

Honestly, I tend to save my compassion for the children who are at the mercy of their parents actions... or lack of action as the case may be. Drug and alcohol addiction is a disease, so I have sympathy for those whp are struggling, but doing everything they can to get it together. Not all children who are removed by children's services are abused. Sometimes there is neglect due to poverty and mental illness. I don't think these things make the parents bad people, but unfortunately it doesn't change the fact that their children might not be safe around them.

Now, that being said, let me make something very clear: I have absolutely no compassion or understanding or sympathy for abusers. NONE. They are monsters in my eyes. There should be no plan to work; no second chances; no nothing. My son was abused by his first mother, so this is a very explosive topic for me. I never, ever want my children to associate abuse with love and I DO NOT believe that abusive parents love their children. They may say they do, but that's just lip service: actions are what matter.

34 weeks with Evan Alexanderâ™¥

I lady I know just had her kids taken away yesterday...

Her daughter is 13 and hasn't been in school for 2 years. Her house is DISGUSTING, she had about 20 cats until animal control took them away yesterday as well. I don't feel sorry for her at all...she's mentally unstable, does drugs, and her daughter even steals her pot...which she buys instead of food for her kids.

Mom to Foster Children

No, I don't believe my son should have stayed with his mother - I believe his mother should have "wanted it enough" to get her son back! I believe that children should be raised by their natural parents - I see it in his eyes everyday!

Just a Mom

Five of my seven children were taken away by Children's Division. They were severely neglected and abused in several different ways. However, I loved their first mom very much. I don't like what happened to my children, but I see where she felt helpless and didn't know what to do. She was mentally challenged and had a ton of kids. She herself was a battered woman.

My partner and I did everything in our power to help her. We even let her stay with us, but she couldn't give up abusive men.

She passed away in August and we now have her other 2 children that she had after the first ones were taken away. I know that they love her and they miss her and I do too. But we all know that what happened to them was not right.

The world is not as black and white as you make it. You can feel sorry for someone and feel pain for them and still be unappreciative of their actions.

Julia B

I think that if the bio mom can't get it together for whatever reason and CPS steps in and after all of the family re-unification stuff didn't work then yes, put the child up for adoption. I feel bad for the bio mom because she did lose the child but I would take comfort in the fact that the child is in a much better environment. This is supposed to be about the child and NOT the adult!

Rivkah

What???

I often do pro-bono work for minors being charged with criminal offenses, and they ALWAYS have histories of abuse - either their parents were drug addicts and their foster parents abused them, or their parents/ grandparents/ guardians were abusive and no one found out. I most certainly DON'T feel sorry for women and men (sometimes it's men) who get their children taken away. I feel sorry for their children. They are often socioeconomically disadvantaged, usually Hispanic or African-American, and they usually get, to be crude, the **** end of the stick.

Julia

I feel sorry for my children's BM because she must be experiencing great loss. They are wonderful people and she is missing out on their lives.

kitta

Sure...CPS is "never wrong." CPS is "God."

The mandatory reporters...who have to report signs of abuse or neglect or risk loss of their own jobs.... are always right....yep...?!

I was a professional who worked with children and a mandatory reporter. I didn't always "know" for sure who was being abused/neglected, but I had to report.

The law said so..the Mondale Act..

There are CPS workers who are in social work because they hate their own parents and they think that every biological parent is out to abuse kids.

There are (women)judges who think that all men are child molesters.

There are social workers who believe that "breaking the cycle of poverty" means that there shouldn't be any poor people allowed to have children.

Neglect equals not much money, in some people's minds..

As far as the 'bond' is concerned...parental rights are being terminated based on the 'bond" that children supposedly develop with foster parents..while the children have been in foster care..even when natural parents have cooperated with CPS...natural parents whose only crime was poverty.

justaduckbilledplatypus

how conveniently one of the peeps above forgot they called thier birther the equivalent of a fecal evacutaiton not long ago. now that u r enlightned, r u allowed to be self righetious and holier than thou? r u a happy adoptee or a newly disgruntled adoptee? make up ur mind. this is not high school. poser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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